RANT

I seriously just can’t talk to my mother anymore. For every decent conversation we have, we have 5 or more than she sabotages so she can tell her friends what a horrible person I am.

It sucks having been raised by a narcissist. A mother might be worse than a father but I only had a NM so I wouldn’t know. (NM = Narcissist Mother) She basically spent my childhood installing all these buttons she can now push to make me look like the crazy one. It’s horrifying. She loves it when she can get me angry so she can smile her saccharine smile and ask; why are you so full of hate?

She is the opposite of me politically. It is just a fact that we cannot and should not talk politics because there is nothing to agree on. The nicest, mildest thing I could possibly reply to her with would be the dreaded ok boomer. Which I don’t do no matter how tempting it is. I think it, a LOT. Not that all boomers are like her, I know very well they are not, but if the generation gap fits… it amuses me, and I need to laugh. Ok, so naturally when I called her today she starts asking me if I got my stimulus check (is that really what we’re calling it?) and I said I had no idea. Just trying to side-step whatever bullshit she was trying to shovel my way, just trying to avoid having another shitty conversation that goes careening wildly off the rails, but no. She wants to shovel whatever it is my way so she’s going to keep at it. “It would be in your bank account.” I told her I never look at my bank account. She acts shocked, like how could someone never look at their bank account, I just don’t, my husband looks at it, I know like the total so I can pay bills and stuff and he watches the incoming and outgoing amounts to make sure no one’s stealing from us or to make sure checks are getting cashed by people we’ve paid or whatever.

Anyway, she can’t get by me that way so she starts on term limits or something. I honestly haven’t given that issue a whole lot of thought, and I said so, I said I feel like some senators that have been there for ages are corrupt and need to be booted and some are good, hard working people who are clearly doing the best job they possibly can representing the people of their state. Like Bernie Sanders, who she had previously said she would vote for. (shocking me completely because: Opposite virtually 100%) So I thought it was safe to invoke his name, the only safe name there is… was. She pounced on it. Instantly. “I don’t even know where I saw it but I saw a picture of ONE of Bernie Sanders’ houses and it is like a Palace!” I quietly hung up the phone. I didn’t say a single word because I didn’t have a fit word to say. She tried to call twice and I hit decline. No way in hell was I getting either; 1) drawn into some kind of discussion about this unverified story, or, 2) listening to her “apologize” and ask me why am I so angry “all the time” or so full of hate. No, I am literally following the instructions of mothers uncounted by not saying anything since I cannot be trusted, in my frustration with her manipulation, to say anything nice.

After a bit I sent her a couple of texts, explaining why I hung up, because I didn’t have anything nice to say, and suggesting that if she has information on something controversial from an unverified source she might not want to talk about it because what good is that? I then sent a text after looking, took 2 minutes, and discovering that there is a picture being posted on the internet of a a huge mansion in Vermont that is yes, palatial, but has nothing whatsoever to do with Senator Bernie Sanders. The story she’s spreading is a 100% baseless rumor. Is the Senator more well off than me? Yep. Of course he’s a lot older than I am and he’s worked his ass off his whole life so I am honestly glad that he has managed to pull together a net worth of some weight. He has 3 houses, the one he lives in most of the time in VT which is a 4 bedroom colonial, a 1 bedroom in DC for obvious reasons, and a lake house purchased only a handful of years ago in VT. Yeah, I don’t think I will ever get to that point, but it isn’t some insane lifestyle or anything. My grandparents at one time owned houses in 2 states. No one would ever accuse them of being corrupt or living some opulent lifestyle.

Yeah, so, she did rile me up, obviously. She has a LOT of practice at it, a lot, a lot, a lot. I should have known we couldn’t have 2 “nice” conversations in a row. I should have known she’s do this and I should just not have called. If she calls me she’s content just to guilt me about not calling her, if I call she gets to pull out something special from her toolbox of manipulation. I know this and yet I slip back into denial time after time. *HEADDESK* So, this will probably have some ripples going out from it. So close to Mother’s Day, and now we won’t talk for at least a few days because that would be unwise. She’ll get to complain to my sisters about how mean I am, what could she possibly have done to deserve being hung up on? I will be painted the bad, ungrateful, mean and horrid daughter no mother deserves. Yep, that’s me. It is so convenient too, so nice for me, that her Mother’s Day present is delayed and won’t arrive until the day after. Perfect.

Anyone who’s read this far? Bless you. Thank you for bearing witness to my angst and frustration. Thank you for listening.