Isolation Day 68: Grateful

There is so much to be grateful for, let me make at least a partial “list.” I am chatting intermittently with the wonderful woman filling our Instacart order. I know she will never see this, so I’m putting a thank you card with an extra tip in it on our door, but THANK YOU, ERIN! Her service is absolutely exceptional. All our drivers have been great, texting for clarification, offering substitutions, etc, but Erin is amazing. She saw hard to get items on the shelves and texted to see if we wanted them even though they were not on our list at all. Wow. She is just Next Level at customer service. She just texted that the store is out of lentils… lentils, huh, thought I was the only one who liked them! ~_^

My job/my amazing boss. Thank you, Katherine, for the ridiculous number of things you do every day to keep the library going during this insane time of pandemic. Thank you for continuing to fight for our jobs and for all you do to help us adjust to this crazy situation, for all that you do to help us continue to put on programming, and for everything you do now that you have always done. I am so grateful to have a job at all, let alone a wonderful job, and to have a boss who is competent, kind, hard working and understanding.

My wonderful husband. He is working so hard to kick ass at his job through this craziness. He spends all day in the dining room, at the computer & on the phone, attending meetings, fixing issues, talking people through tech stuff, researching solutions, etc etc etc. He’s there from 7:45 in the morning until dinner and often has to go back to work after dinner. I do what I can to help, bringing him tea, breakfast, lunch etc. On top of all that, he’s running online RPGs for the kids at the library and our friends as well as a family game. This morning he texted me and said “You, Me, Date Night Tomorrow!” We’ll come up with something fun and creative to do without breaking quarantine. I’m not sure what we can do… hmmm, maybe I will arrange it all and surprise him. I am getting ideas. ^_^

My sweet kids. Gods, I love them. The younger 2 are working hard to complete their school year online. Unexpected, upsetting to them, they continue to adjust, to move forward, to keep calm and stay on an even keel. My eldest is struggling but trying so hard to be helpful, they all do chores but she is very consistent about keeping up with vacuuming and dishes, with checking in and just being her sweet self. They all look after their mom, not letting me lift heavy things, climb ladders, etc. I’m a notorious klutz. They are so kind. I’m so proud of their kindness and compassion, whatever else they are, whatever problems they may have, my children are kind, and kindness is magic.

Food, Shelter, clean water, books, games, and today, beautiful weather. The necessities and little luxuries of life. Oh, and tea! and music! and our lovable band of misfit pets! We have our home, our cupboards my not be as full as I’d like but we’re eating just fine, we have water for drinking, cooking, bathing etc, our shelves are bursting with books and games and today is sunny and cool and perfect. I still have a little stock of my favorite tea, and a few left from the Australian Afternoon tea my niece sent me. I have the soundtrack of our current apocalypse made for me by my dear friend, Angel, hilarious and perfect, and we have our beautiful Kisa, Jazz, and Puddin’ cuddling us, entertaining us, cheering us, and guarding our home from marauders and invaders.

The gods who watch over us. Not everyone is religious or believes in such intangible things, that is 100% cool, 100% ok with me, be YOU. I know people have all kinds of beliefs and that’s one of the things that makes interacting with other humans interesting and educational. I myself follow the gods of my ancestors and I find great comfort in them. I look to the tales and stories of their epic feats and foibles and I follow the way they have set. It’s a framework, it’s a flexible structure that gives me a lens to examine life through. I rely on the virtues to weigh my decisions and set my course. I ask for help when I need it. When there are things I can’t handle I let them go by handing them over and trusting that the gods know better than I do, that their perspective is long and that things will work out for the best. I could not be more grateful to be on this path.

Life is good, even now, even with fear and illness and strife, life is good.

Day 65…read, work, eat repeat!

I’m doing ok. My attempts to keep my work more separate seem to be working. My stress level is going down. I can tell because my heart isn’t racing all the time anymore, sometimes sure, but not all the time. Plus I can focus and READ again, much more than I was able to even a week ago. I finished The Serpent of Venice; by Christopher Moore, an awesome, quirky, book. Now I’m waiting for the next one to come out, Shakespeare for Squirrels. I preordered it with the gift card my sweet husband and kids gave me for Mother’s Day. Thanks you guys!!!! Currently reading Heroine Complex; by Sarah Kuhn

I worked most of today, well 4 hours, but I’m a beast about what I will count so it covered about 6 hours of the day because I take breaks to keep a little sanity, plus I get interrupted and have other things I’m supposed to do as well. I’m trying to learn about how to find and acquire grants for the library and learn more about best practices and that for Teen Services. My library wide Pet Month art gallery is being promoted on Facebook and such and hopefully we’ll get some submissions. The Pathfinder game is going well, we had 3 kids this past session and I think we can expect 4-5 at the next, which would be AWESOME. I have loads of ideas for online/virtual programs but I’m not sure which ones to pursue. I’m trying to populate May with a few activities and pull together a lot more for June & July. Summer Reading is going to be so weird this year.

With work done for the day I am now working on laundry and came up with a plan for dinner. Yay. Almost forgot to do that! We will be having grilled cheese sandwiches, some squash soup, a salad, and assorted leftovers as well. Tomorrow will be more coherent. I am currently ahead on grocery ordering and we’re set to get an order on Thursday. I view my instacart picks as suggestions or wishes at this point. I think I’m getting about 50% of the things I pick out, another 25% substitutions and about 20-25% is just not available in any form. Last week I did not get: Raspberry tea, flour, chocolate chips, baking powder, chicken thighs, or frozen chicken patties. They replaced whatever chips I’d tried to order with jalapeno chips, hilarious, and other substitutions were all brand substitutions … I think. I have been able to get toilet paper, no problem, I got maybe a 12 pack a couple of weeks ago. Oh, I also wasn’t able to get sanitizing wipes. Not a one to be had, apparently. Meat prices are climbing pretty hard now too. We’re just lucky to still be working at this point, as stressful as it is to be navigating working from home, I know I am damned lucky to be able to.

How are you all holding up? What are you doing to keep busy and distracted?

Isolation: Day 62: bitching about gaming

Second day off, feeling a little more relaxed.

I’m listening to Andy Serkis read The Hobbit on gofundme now. It’s lovely. We’re in Mirkwood now listening about wood elves and their attitude and customs. I can’t believe he’s doing this. I love it.

My main complaint today: Last night we joined in for the 3rd time to a 5E D&D game and I think it’s out last attempt. I don’t like the system at all and that makes me a little sad. I grew up with D&D and loved it. It went off the rails with 4th Ed. and, while 5E is an improvement, it’s still not fun. Top that with one extremely problematic player and an inexperienced GM who can’t manage him and I’d rather play Candy Land. (Side note: I hate Candy Land. To be fair I am not their target audience so I’m not knocking it.) Yeah, so we wasted our entire evening not having fun dealing with a player who hogs the spotlight, tries to bully everyone into going along with him, and talks over people. I sent a message to my husband in the game chat at 10:30 reminding him he had an early meeting (the voice chat cuts out a LOT) and he said, quite clearly, in the voice chat that we had to go after the current fight. So the fight ends and the GM says; “ok, so this is a good spot to wrap it up if some people need to go…” and problem player cuts her off saying: “No one has to go!” both forcefully and angrily. Of course both my husband and I let everyone know, in no uncertain terms, that we DO have to go and we ARE going to go.

You might think that would be the end of it but of course it isn’t. This problem player wants to keep playing. We’d been going for 3 1/2 hours which isn’t epic but is a perfectly acceptable stretch as we’ve been playing more than once a week and the games are going about 3-4 hours. Everyone besides my husband and I are insisting that we can’t start till at least 7pm, we have to get up early, so we want to end about 10pm. We are happy to leave and let them continue on if they like, we are not the center of the world, we respect that they may have all night and want to use it to game. Problem player, however, has a big problem with us leaving early, he wants long gaming sessions. So he asks if there is a better night for us? We say no not really. We have a lot going on with work and 3 kids who all have anxiety and depression, we have to get up early, etc. “How about Friday nights?” he badgers forcefully. “No, sorry, Fridays don’t work for us, and sadly our weekends are quite full.” He kept going, asking about what days DO work for us???? We say basically none. That is unacceptable and we say goodnight and leave anyway because who the heck does he think he is? Trying to corner us into something like that? It’s his attitude and tone. Normal people asking what works better don’t make me feel like I’m being run over with a steamroller. The guy has issues. He used to be the central figure, really, of a large extended group of friends, this was a couple of decades ago and he isn’t dealing well with 90% of these people growing up, getting on with their lives, and leaving. At this point we’re thinking of doing the same. We are grownups with lives and don’t want to spend our leisure time playing to his ego. Ugh.

Anyway, that was last night, today is a new day and it will be lovely. We got groceries delivered this morning and I always feel happy after that. I look at my full fridge and half-full cupboards and I feel secure again for a bit knowing for a a few days I can make pretty much anything we want. I get nervous when things empty out, I get fretful and discouraged, don’t know what to make for dinner. But tonight we shall have mexican food and tomorrow we’ll have lasagna. Past that I haven’t made a plan yet but there are enough options that I won’t be feeling nervous until sometime next week… when we will hopefully get another order. I have Smartfood! I’m so excited because I haven’t had it in months. I used to eat a lot of it. It was my favorite. Anyway, I’m looking forward to it. Maybe we’ll watch a movie while we munch.

Ok, enough writing for now, I’m procrastinating on my relaxation! I hear a hammock calling my name.

Relaxing a Bit

Look at me, I’m taking the next 2 days off from working. Ok, I just spent a little time creating a BUJO (bullet journal) page of ideas in my new journal that I transferred from my old one… and they were mostly ideas relating to my job… but the intent was just to not lose track of good ideas not to actually do work so I think it’s ok.

My plan for today involves spending time on the deck in my hammock reading, a second attempt to make a first skull motif for a project for my son, laundry, decluttering, probably some video gaming, possibly some painting, maybe some writing, (in addition to blogging) and too much cooking which is the new normal.

So far I’m sticking with the BUJO write along. I’m doing it about once a day, catching up on the posted videos. There aren’t many, it’s a weekly exercise, I think, so I’ll be caught up soon and can follow along like a normal person. I have trouble sticking to things, to habits, routines and that, it’s good I’ve made it like 4 or 5 days so far.

Tomorrow I have no plan for yet. That feels kind of nice.

Doing Too Much

Overwhelm is a sneaky beast. Since we started quarantining I’ve posted about stress, shortcomings, feeling like certain things were overwhelming me and starting to get to me but just last night and this morning I hit a real, solid wall. A heart-racing, head-pounding, impatient about everything, just not coping, stressed out, just Done feeling. I just had/have nothing left. So, I’m taking a step back, I’m taking a breath, and I’m taking time for me to actually try to relax and not just sort of fuck off and kill time. I need a schedule that will let me breathe, let me be off the hook for work a LOT. I only work part time, how is that creeping into every waking moment of my life? I need to destress. So I’m going to make some changes:

  • I’m going to work 4 hours a day, 3 days a week instead of averaging 2 or so hours a day on week days and odds and ends all weekend.
  • Part of that will mean I work 4 hours every other Saturday and pick 2-3 week days to work and let it go the rest of the time.
  • I am going to schedule my meals, breakfast and lunch and I’m going to drink more water.
  • I am going to schedule time to be outside, get some sun and fresh air, daily if possible.
  • I am giving myself a reading hour with a book, some herbal tea, and quiet.
  • I’m upping my fruit and veg intake.
  • I’ve already cut my caffeine intake in half. (from 2 cups to 1 cup/day)
  • Once I feel less stressed I’m going to work on scheduling family activities again. Having those on the regular would be great for all of us.
  • I’ve just started following the BUJO Journal along on Instagram and I’m going to continue that because I think it’s helping.
  • I may take naps, like we did in kindergarten, even if I don’t sleep during them.
  • I’m going to take the time to appreciate and acknowledge all that I am so lucky to have. I may journal about that here in segments that make sense to me, probably only to me. LOL

We’ll see how this goes. I need to find a way to stick with it, or stick with whatever I can find that works, I’m bad at sticking with schedules. I’m a free-spirit and I like my flexible, chaotic whimsy but that non-system approach to life has broken down under the strain of the pandemic. Time to try something new.

RANT

I seriously just can’t talk to my mother anymore. For every decent conversation we have, we have 5 or more than she sabotages so she can tell her friends what a horrible person I am.

It sucks having been raised by a narcissist. A mother might be worse than a father but I only had a NM so I wouldn’t know. (NM = Narcissist Mother) She basically spent my childhood installing all these buttons she can now push to make me look like the crazy one. It’s horrifying. She loves it when she can get me angry so she can smile her saccharine smile and ask; why are you so full of hate?

She is the opposite of me politically. It is just a fact that we cannot and should not talk politics because there is nothing to agree on. The nicest, mildest thing I could possibly reply to her with would be the dreaded ok boomer. Which I don’t do no matter how tempting it is. I think it, a LOT. Not that all boomers are like her, I know very well they are not, but if the generation gap fits… it amuses me, and I need to laugh. Ok, so naturally when I called her today she starts asking me if I got my stimulus check (is that really what we’re calling it?) and I said I had no idea. Just trying to side-step whatever bullshit she was trying to shovel my way, just trying to avoid having another shitty conversation that goes careening wildly off the rails, but no. She wants to shovel whatever it is my way so she’s going to keep at it. “It would be in your bank account.” I told her I never look at my bank account. She acts shocked, like how could someone never look at their bank account, I just don’t, my husband looks at it, I know like the total so I can pay bills and stuff and he watches the incoming and outgoing amounts to make sure no one’s stealing from us or to make sure checks are getting cashed by people we’ve paid or whatever.

Anyway, she can’t get by me that way so she starts on term limits or something. I honestly haven’t given that issue a whole lot of thought, and I said so, I said I feel like some senators that have been there for ages are corrupt and need to be booted and some are good, hard working people who are clearly doing the best job they possibly can representing the people of their state. Like Bernie Sanders, who she had previously said she would vote for. (shocking me completely because: Opposite virtually 100%) So I thought it was safe to invoke his name, the only safe name there is… was. She pounced on it. Instantly. “I don’t even know where I saw it but I saw a picture of ONE of Bernie Sanders’ houses and it is like a Palace!” I quietly hung up the phone. I didn’t say a single word because I didn’t have a fit word to say. She tried to call twice and I hit decline. No way in hell was I getting either; 1) drawn into some kind of discussion about this unverified story, or, 2) listening to her “apologize” and ask me why am I so angry “all the time” or so full of hate. No, I am literally following the instructions of mothers uncounted by not saying anything since I cannot be trusted, in my frustration with her manipulation, to say anything nice.

After a bit I sent her a couple of texts, explaining why I hung up, because I didn’t have anything nice to say, and suggesting that if she has information on something controversial from an unverified source she might not want to talk about it because what good is that? I then sent a text after looking, took 2 minutes, and discovering that there is a picture being posted on the internet of a a huge mansion in Vermont that is yes, palatial, but has nothing whatsoever to do with Senator Bernie Sanders. The story she’s spreading is a 100% baseless rumor. Is the Senator more well off than me? Yep. Of course he’s a lot older than I am and he’s worked his ass off his whole life so I am honestly glad that he has managed to pull together a net worth of some weight. He has 3 houses, the one he lives in most of the time in VT which is a 4 bedroom colonial, a 1 bedroom in DC for obvious reasons, and a lake house purchased only a handful of years ago in VT. Yeah, I don’t think I will ever get to that point, but it isn’t some insane lifestyle or anything. My grandparents at one time owned houses in 2 states. No one would ever accuse them of being corrupt or living some opulent lifestyle.

Yeah, so, she did rile me up, obviously. She has a LOT of practice at it, a lot, a lot, a lot. I should have known we couldn’t have 2 “nice” conversations in a row. I should have known she’s do this and I should just not have called. If she calls me she’s content just to guilt me about not calling her, if I call she gets to pull out something special from her toolbox of manipulation. I know this and yet I slip back into denial time after time. *HEADDESK* So, this will probably have some ripples going out from it. So close to Mother’s Day, and now we won’t talk for at least a few days because that would be unwise. She’ll get to complain to my sisters about how mean I am, what could she possibly have done to deserve being hung up on? I will be painted the bad, ungrateful, mean and horrid daughter no mother deserves. Yep, that’s me. It is so convenient too, so nice for me, that her Mother’s Day present is delayed and won’t arrive until the day after. Perfect.

Anyone who’s read this far? Bless you. Thank you for bearing witness to my angst and frustration. Thank you for listening.

Ancient Wonder

My husband reads the news a lot more than I do. I find it disheartening to read much of it, it’s pretty much all slanted toward scaring us, upsetting us, a lot of it makes me angry so I avoid it. This morning he told me something that, while it could be construed as concerning, actually makes me feel oddly happy. People are baking so much that there is what amounts to a worldwide run on flour. Supposedly you can’t get it anywhere at the moment. I have no idea, I haven’t entered a store in weeks and weeks and I haven’t tried to order any, because I always keep a fair bit on hand. I buy it on sale and keep in the freezer until I have room in my airtight containers. I think I may be getting low by now but I haven’t been checking. Hmm, I probably should… not that I can remedy the situation apparently.

Anyway, there is plenty, PLENTY of wheat, there is NO SHORTAGE. According to the article my husband read it just needs to be milled and processed and that, so, somewhere in the U.K. they are reopening a One Thousand year old mill to help meet demand. This is where I need a large pool of silence where I sit absorbing this information and my imagination goes zipping down rabbit holes picturing what a 1,000 year old mill could look like, how it’s still standing and existing, just the sheer amazing awesomeness of it being reopened in the modern world. Honestly, it brings tears to my eyes, I LOVE this. I want to order flour specifically from this mill. I looked it up and the one in the U.K. probably looked(s) something like this:

Ok, maybe it looked like this, I don’t know I haven’t been there, but this is an old form of mill. It could be turned by river power, there are versions that were driven by animals or people power as well.

I love it because it’s so simple and pure. I’m sure this early tech had problems but if it can be pressed into service 1,000 years after it was built I am humbled by the genius of its enduring design. I watch a woman on Youtube who lives on a farm in rural China who grows, processes and cooks food using very old methods. One of the things that intrigues me most is the mill she uses to grind things like corn & soybeans and so on. It’s built something like this one but more rustic:

Hers has a base to it so it’s at about waist height or so. She slips a wooden bar into a hole in the top and walks around and around adding water and beans as she goes.

So, what I love, what makes me happy about all this is that we’re all baking. Lots of people who never had time to bake before are baking. Houses are full of the smells of banana bread, cookies, muffins and sourdough bread. There are kids crowding their parent’s elbows to watch the mysterious process that only became so mysterious pretty recently. I love the activity, I love the wholesomeness, I love the continuity of doing this thing that our ancestors did for so many generations. I am so happy people are gaining this skill. That some are finding the satisfaction of making bread with their own hands, delighting in the alchemy of yeast and sugar, glowing with pride as their family eats and loves the delicious taste of fresh, homemade bread. I love the old mill, or hopefully mills that will or might be pressed into service after a long and quiet time in stillness. There is much to love about the modern world, some of it very good indeed, we have the means to travel far, far, far and return home again, we have the miracle of vaccines that have all but eradicated certain dangerous diseases, we have the means to see storms coming days in advance in many cases, global communication, the list goes on. But we left behind some valuable things in our rush to adopt new ways of doing things, and I love to see us returning to some of the things that are simpler, more wholesome, that give people satisfaction, that require skill, labor, & time.

I haven’t been baking bread but I’ve been making cookies and scones more than usual. Have you been baking? Is it a new skill, a renewed skill, or a long habit for you? Have you picked up any other types of skills during lockdown? I’ve heard buzz that knitting, sewing, and crafting of all kinds are having a moment. Let me know what you’re up to in the comments! It’s nice to know if I’m not talking to myself. ~_^ I like biscuits, maybe I’ll make some tonight.

Windows Open

The sounds of life drifting in through open windows… it has been a long time. There’s birdsong aplenty here by Cold Swamp. So much sweet twittering of finches, the odd, buzzing song of the redwing blackbirds, the piercing call of the hawks, it’s all lovely. The global pandemic is changing the way I look at things, at lots of things, maybe everything. I hear kids out playing with siblings in nearby yards, dogs barking in the distance, traffic going by. I love the sound of the wind in the trees.

I left the windows open all night last night. Our dog was lying on our bed when the coyotes started howling off somewhere. She was all ears for their moonlit concert and so was I. She was alert and tense, focused on her job of defending the borders of our pack’s territory no doubt, but I feel a strange peace hearing their wild calls. The coyote’s song calms and soothes me. I live inside strong walls I am not in danger. I find it comforting that these creatures survive and thrive nearby. It’s nice to live in a place with a semi-functioning ecosystem. Coyotes help keep some kind of balance by hunting deer, rabbits, mice and such and they are needed. Our coyotes are amazing. Around here, before the gray wolves were killed off, the coyotes and gray wolves interbred preserving something of the ancient bloodline of those wolves in their craftier, more fertile cousins. So our coyotes are bigger than some, sturdier, stronger, but they are very much as clever and enduring as any others of their kind. I love them.

But I love almost all animals. I love the little songbirds and the hawks, the turkey vultures and partridges, I love the chipmunks, squirrels and rabbits and even the damn mice that invade my home. I want to live in balance with the world around me. I want there to be space here for all of us. As humans we need to be less greedy about space, we need to find ways to live with the wild creatures around us, they are our kin, they are necessary. I love raccoons, groundhogs, and possums. Bless the tick-eating possums till the end of all! I love the snakes and salamanders, the cute little tree frogs and all their cousins. I love the snapping turtles that wander through my yard and the fierce fisher-cats in the woods. My son and I watched a fisher cat cross our yard a few months back, it was gorgeous, large and fierce, I love it here. We get to see so much wildlife in our own yard. I’ve watched wild turkeys strut up our driveway, deer browsing on the edge of the swamp, hawks and vultures circling overhead, and all manner of birds and rodents flourishing.

So you will never catch me poisoning my yard to deal with pests, you will never see me pulling up the dandelions that feed the bees, what you will see is me planting my feet and arguing strenuously that the only mice or ants that need killing are the ones invading the walls and pantry and that none of the wild things that live outside are doing anything other than what they should. If the rabbits and chipmunks eat everything I plant? Well, that’s on me, besides I am a terrible gardener anyway, at least I’m providing appetizers for someone. If moles and voles and whatever else make a mess of the lawn? I never wanted the lawn anyway. They are terrible ecologically and ours is a crazy mix of grasses, moss and weeds, it’s kind of cool actually. I’m ok with protecting the house and its contents but if a pine marten wants to tunnel around the old stump? Tunnel away little one. Eat mice, grow fat.

I’m listening to a woodpecker rapping away at a hollow tree now. It’s a far lovelier sound that the noise of the cars going by or the power tools in the distance. I think I can hear some ducks out there in the swamp, maybe one day soon I’ll hear the geese returning from their annual vacation. I’ll just be here, quarantining, listening to crazy-quilt symphony of life where the wild things are.

Spring is Here

What a gorgeous day. I made scones and ate them on the deck sipping a small glass of OJ. Glorious. I went out and pulled all the coverings off the plants I tried to protect through the winter, they mostly survived, Victory! I finished a series of 3 small paintings I was making of forsythias. Yay.

A friend stopped by and left my sweet husband some of his favorite beer, Guinness, on the porch and we shouted and waved. Even the dog seemed pleased and she hates all living things. Imagine her wagging her tail at a stranger, from the outside, blatantly breaching our borders!

Last night we heard a MAD amount of sirens blaring. We looked out the windows but couldn’t see anything. It kept getting louder so we went out on the porch and saw loads of blue lights coming slowly down the street. It was a parade of police cars, fire engines, ambulances and more, celebrating all our first responders. We stood on the porch waving as everyone drove by. It was oddly moving. My son asked why did they do that? Um, speaking to someone else’s motivation is a dicey business, but I can only assume that the long weeks of confinement made people want to feel some kind of community, that connection. And I am 100% down with cheering on the people providing essential services at great risk. May the gods bless them.

Later tonight we’re having dinner with friends through Zoom. It’s a crazy life.

Summing up April

We started isolating in early March, we’ve been at this a while, but April is the first full month we’ve spent in lockdown. Every day, beginning to end, all of us were here at home. We’re in isolation but not alone we have each other. March felt more normal than April. I’d been ill, hubby was ill, the boy had his wisdom teeth out. Once I recovered I was home taking care of my husband and son as they convalesced. It felt like something we were choosing to do. It was nice to have excuses to stay home because we were highly concerned about the virus. We were even worried my husband had the virus, he was really ill. The doctors wouldn’t see him, just called every day to check on him, let him know they had no tests, and ask if he needed more meds. It was scary, maybe it was something about all that fear, and the immediacy of my husband’s illness that made March seem less strange. We just weren’t’ focused on that.

April seemed to be more defined by what we couldn’t do. Stuck home, can’t visit people, go to the movies, can’t go out to a restaurant, can’t go to work, stop by a bookstore, get a haircut, kids can’t go to school or see their friends… there are a whole lot of “can’ts.” What we did do was adapt, at least somewhat, to our new circumstances.

We binge-watched lots of stuff. My favorite new show was recommended by my 17 year old son: “Overlord” on Hulu. It’s an anime’ about a guy that somehow gets stuck in some kind of ultra-immersive, futuristic, holodeck-y version of an online multi-player game. It’s for mature audiences and it’s hella cool. It raises a lot of questions and pushes a lot of buttons, it almost lost me a couple of times because of the actions of the main character. It’s complicated, it’s layered, and it really makes me think. On the surface it’s just some dorky anime’ but … watch it and let me know what you think, what you get from it. I hope they come out with a fourth season, I really want to see where it goes, and hopefully find out more about what is actually going on. We also watched a lot of old favorite shows, my comfort watches are likely getting worn out at this point.

As ginormous geeks we gamed a lot. We have a family Pathfinder game, a library Pathfinder game, another Pathfinder game we just started with far-flung friends, a GURPS game, and we’ve played 2 sessions of D&D with some people from our most recent, in-person gaming group. That last one is problematic, sadly, it’s the only one that isn’t being run by either my husband or myself, the only one we are playing in together, and it just isn’t working. The GM is inexperienced and she opted to create her own world and adventure. Her write up about the world was pretty cool, had some interesting politics and history, but the plot of the adventure is, well, weak. She had us make 3rd level characters and we were sent to a tower to remove some bandits, who turned out to be goblins, and to recover items stolen from the townspeople. It was pretty much a cake walk, of course, and therefore it got a little boring. I get it, she’s new to this, it’s tough to know exactly how much to throw at your players to challenge them, but that’s why you start them at first level and follow the DM guide and challenge ratings of the monsters. If fledgling DM issues were the main problem that would actually be fine, everyone starts out there, we all have to learn. But we have a player who is just, quite frankly, awful to play with. He monopolizes the spotlight, rules-lawyers Everything, and just generally bogs down the game and syphons out all the fun. We also rolled up our characters at home and his ranger has a 19 STR, 18 DEX, and 18 WIS… that I know of. I’ve rolled really well sometimes but never that well. I don’t know if I’ll find the time for that game again, it just isn’t fun.

We’ve also cooked a lot, eaten a lot, ordered things online occasionally, had a couple of board games delivered from our local game store. We’re read a bit, worked a lot, taken some classes, crafted a little bit. April was a weird mix of working through structured classes and meandering aimlessly, without focus through everything else. I feel sort of adrift, if that makes any sense. I think we’re all struggling a bit because the world is so uncertain.

But here we are in May, a new month with a cloak of real springtime around her shoulders, and it’s time to take the reins in hand. My library is closed completely for at least the next 18 days and pretty likely through the month and beyond so I’m planning for that. My boss offered to pay for a course we can take as part of a libraries and autism grant and I’ve offered to take it. It will last all month and I have no idea what the course load will be like, but it will count as work so while I’m learning I’ll be getting paid. I’m working on my Pet Month stuff, and planning for a virtual Summer Reading Program, and that sums up work. On the homefront I’m realizing I need to make a schedule for MY chores, I have been falling behind. I used to do all the housework when I was home alone so part of my brain just doesn’t accept that it’s ever time to do that stuff right now: There Are People Here! I’ve also just started getting ahead on my grocery orders. I had been waiting to put together the next orders until after the current ones arrived and we were having some gaps. Right now we’ve got one coming today or tomorrow and one already scheduled for next Thursday, so YAY! no gap!

So, for May, for my own little brain, I will be:

  • Taking a month long class for our LSTA grant
  • Creating and running programs for May
  • Working on our SRP
  • Making and keeping a schedule of chores for myself
  • Planning ahead more effectively for groceries etc.
  • Finding time for Art and Reading to de-stress
  • Finding a way to schedule in more activities as a family because we are all needing it even though we are tired at the end of the day.

So, onward! Into the merry month of May we go. Happy Beltane, Everyone!