Anniversary and Doing Stuff

Yesterday marked 17 years since our lovely little wedding. We went out to a decent restaurant, it wasn’t stellar, onion soup was so-so, dinner was good, appetizers and bread course oddly came with 3 little bits of baguette each, awkward for sharing between 2 people, would 4 pieces really be so insane? Wine was good and reasonable, garlic mashed potato was good. Where the place saved itself was in the service and accommodation of my million allergies and, Man, they NAILED the dessert! Dark Belgian chocolate-covered, vanilla custard-filled cream puff. Absolutely perfect. The service was wonderful. We also went to a cool kitchen store and picked up some better equipment that will make all our projects easier. Yay, Apple-Corer!!!

Today we got up and went to get groceries for Thanksgiving, more groceries, after reviewing the video of how to make the turkey. We got home and my sweet husband scraped the sludgey snow off the driveway while I put groceries away. Since then we’ve been cooking. He is making the toffee apple pie he just learned how to make, I am attempting to make sourdough bread, and using all the peels and cores he had left over to make apple peel tea. I am also experimenting with drying orange slices on the wood stove since drying apples worked so well.

The next experiment might be drying orange slices on a string.

I’m not sure what it’s supposed to look like but….

Spending so much time together this weekend has been great. I’m often alone in the kitchen and today has not been like that. My sweet husband is making an amazing pie and we’re helping each other with little things as we go along and he’s playing xmas music for me. Until this year he sort of banned xmas music before Thanksgiving. I mean, yeah, I’d listen to it when he wasn’t around but this year he’s suddenly on board with it. It’s really sweet! ^_^ I love this guy.

Day by Day

One foot in front of the other, day by day, slow progress is made. The dried apple slices made on the wood stove dried faster than in the oven and came out better as well. Good information! I will try drying orange slices atop the wood stove next. ^_^ This morning I have put together the beginning of some sourdough starter… hopefully. It seems this can fail so we’ll see how it goes.

Today the carpenter and handy person are supposed to come put in the steps to my loft in my soon-to-be studio, move the ceiling hook for my candle/chandelier-thing, and do a little trim work. This is the last of what I can afford to have done now, probably until Spring. I hope the space will be usable this winter because I am getting anxious and need to create. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this space, I didn’t know it, but I have been. I may try to put up insulation myself. My son swears you can learn anything on YouTube and I’ve used it to learn things before so he’s probably right.

I’m exhausted. My sleep is still disturbed by my sweet husband’s snoring, the cats, my anxiety, etc. I start my days with a to-do list that frequently gets derailed by someone else’s need for emotional work. That’s mostly ok, I mean, I want to help those I care about, Obviously, it’s just draining and largely unacknowledged, invisible. Yesterday I think it was texting with my husband about work/stress/career-change/happiness/contentment/etc. for over an hour. Often it’s talking him down from a bout of “I’m a bad dad”… which he absolutely is NOT. Sometimes it’s a long, mid-night session of listening to one of my kid’s heartache and pain while offering love and acceptance, telling them they are NOT an alien for having their feelings, etc. Sometimes my husband needs to be talked around about how he hasn’t “wasted” the past 6 years getting a couple of degrees, how that has value no matter what he chooses to do next. I’m glad I’m available to do all this, they need it, I can do it, that’s good! The not so good part is that it takes time, effort, emotional energy, and then I’m behind. I lose productive hours of daylight, I lose needed hours of sleep, I lose focus on planning things I’m in charge of like “What’s for dinner tonight?” … … … oh yeah, dinner, oops. But on the whole I’m glad I’m here to do it and I am positive my husband does some emotional work for me sometimes.

Tomorrow is our 17th wedding anniversary. We’ve been together over 22 years now. How mad is that? It doesn’t seem like it could be that long ago, that lovely wedding on that cold, gray day, 17 years? I think we’ll go out to dinner. I’ll still need to make sure there is something on deck for the kids, I think we’re out of those chicken patty things they tend to rely on when I don’t cook. Still, I’ll probably just throw rice in the cooker and tell them to cook some kielbasa, then I’ll shower, put on a pretty dress, some perfume, and head out to one of our favorite places or maybe we’ll try a new place.

Preserving Food and Menu-Planning

Drying more apples today. I’m trying something new, using cooling racks on the wood stove, because I hate leaving the oven on all day. I also used the peels to make apple peel tea which turns out to be quite tasty. https://food52.com/recipes/38604-apple-peel-tea Dried oranges and apples from yesterday seem to have turned out well enough.

The hot peppers didn’t seem to be drying quickly enough so I looked it up. The tray method was really meant for sun-drying so I tied them all along a string and hung them in a kitchen window.

Peppers on a string. Pictured here hanging about my straggling/struggling basil and rosemary.

I’ve been pulling together my menus for the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving:

Gordon Ramsey’s Xmas Turkey
Mashed potatoes
Broccoli Casserole
Home made Cranberry sauce
stuffing
gravy
rolls
mulled cider
wine
apple pie and as-yet-undetermined desserts

I’m looking forward to the deliciousness and the house smelling like Heaven. Also the leftovers and the turkey broth I’ll get to make. I have a couple of quarts of chicken broth in the freezer right now and I use when I make soups like Winter Potato-Leek, or Cream of Winter Squash. Broth also comes in handy for sauces, adds some nice layers of flavor. As soon as the Thanksgiving feast is over I will start crafting in earnest for Yule. So much to do!

Enjoying the Season

Ahhh, I am settling into something of a new routine, getting things done and keeping organized. You know, more so than previously…

My son and husband took a workshop on pie making. I am 100% in favor of this. Here is my son’s finished pie.

I am getting close to finishing the third scarf I’m giving away to the teens next month: Hufflepuff. That will leave only Ravenclaw to go!

I find my son’s jack o’ lantern’s new expression adorable and hilarious:

It kind of looks like a pirate to me now; Arrrr! Both pumpkins have been set by the compost pile to do their thing.

I’ve started my holiday menu planning and shopping. I bought our ridiculous 22 lb turkey today and I cannot wait to go all Gordon Ramsey on it. My son has request goulash for Yule/Xmas and I think I’m going to go with it. Last year we did a roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, the year before was chicken and ham pie I think… Whatever, it will be a wonderful day, it usually is. Thanksgiving should be great too. Gordon’s turkey goes a long way to making the feast.

This year I’ve decided to do everything I can to keep the holiday season merry and bright at least from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day. We’re signing up for workshops to make ornaments and wreaths, looking for holiday activities and events we can go to and I’m thinking of hosting a gathering for food and cheer with some holiday music playing in the background. That last one is a little iffy because of the effort involved and how much cleaning my house needs before I try to host a party. My decluttering is set in boxes which are all over the place. Oh! We could have weekly movie nights where we watch holiday movies and eat popcorn and have cocoa and stuff! ^_^ What do other people do? Any ideas?

Good Things in November

I’ve been working my ass off lately. Getting a lot done, learning new skills, trying to get things to go smoothly around here. All while not feeling terrific but who feels terrific these days? Anyone? Well, not me. Anyway, I wanted to share some of the things I’ve been doing/learning, so here goes.

This is kindling I gathered up around the yard and broke into useable pieces.

I’m trying to avoid paying for at least some of the kindling and fire wood we’ll need to get through the winter by taking advantage of the dead wood that drops off the oaks around our house. I had to buy a saw because the only one we had was rusted to oblivion.

Part of a large branch that fell in our yard that I sawed into logs using my own human muscles and a hand saw. ^_^

Our farm share was as abundant this year as it always is and I am trying not to let it go to waste as much as that is possible. Having things like beets already cooked and ready to heat up helps. I’ve also been trying to use the already running wood stove to cook as much as I can to help keep the electric bill down.

Beets from our farm share cooking on the wood stove.

I’m teaching myself “creative mending” techniques.

My friend’s washing machine mangled her new work fleece that she has to wear and she asked me disguise the worst of it with decorations. I was also able to reinforce it from the inside and hide that obvious divot better.

I’m also learning to make upcycled sweater mittens. I made these with a felted lambswool sweater and used a pair of fleece pajama pants to line them.

I’ve been drying herbs, peppers, and other things to use over the winter, some from our farm share, some bought hella cheap, some grown right here at home. I grew the mint! Don’t laugh too hard, I am a blight druid who loves plants and desperately wants to be a regular druid. Being able to not kill mint is a milestone.

I feel like I’m starting to figure out who I want to be or at least some of what I want to be. I want to be more self-sufficient, more skilled at things that help, that matter, more content with what I have and able to create more of what I, and we, need to be well, to be happy, to be comfortable. I’m finding that I enjoy being productive when it’s for a purpose, I like working hard when it matters, like getting the wood into the shed before it snows, using the remains of our chicken dinner to make broth I can use in my potato-leek soup, or taking a ruined sweater and using a fair bit of it to make something useful instead of just landfilling the whole thing. I don’t feel well, but I do feel good, satisfied that I am making progress toward something worthwhile, and that ain’t nothing.

To-Do lists and such

Yep, I just plain eat too much for how active I am… or am not. Up the activity level, lower the calories, I should be able to do that. We’ll see, no luck so far. My husband has lost 7 pounds already. No success in this are for me, BUT my progress on today’s to-do list is already impressive at 9am.

laid a fire in the wood stove
fed the cats
put away clean dishes
drove kids to school
got sick hubby breakfast in bed
filled the wood box
started a load of wash
cleaned the cat boxes
knit 2 stripes on the Hufflepuff scarf
put away the rakes and clippers
brought the snow shovels up from the shed
located and ordered firewood
remembered to get chicken out to thaw for tomorrow (yay)

Seems like a long list when I write it out like that but it’s just part of all I need to do today. I’m going to lay that out and see what it looks like…

take trash and recycling to transfer station
drop off check at farm stand
plan and execute dinner
clean fridge
wash dishes
fold and put away yesterday’s laundry
hang today’s laundry to dry
sweep kitchen and dining rooms
clean downstairs bath
pick up kids, probably separately (ugh)
get cash for the wood delivery
finish sewing felted mittens and fleece liners
knit 2 more stripes (I need to finish all 4 house scarves for mid-Dec.)
Try to figure out how to fix my friend’s coat
read at least 2 chapters of my book (probably at bedtime)
clean and declutter a bit in our bedroom
finish planning Thanksgiving feast
start planning Yule feast
look into craft projects for Yule and order supplies if needed

That ought to be enough for one day. I do want to try to have some kind of family activity tonight if we can, though it looks like I’ll be pretty tired by the time dinner is done and hubby is sick. hmm. Maybe we could have a movie night at home on Saturday or a game night. I feel like all I do is write I.O.U.s to my kids for stuff like that. We did have a Mutants and Masterminds game on Sunday but that was pretty much my husband’s doing. He’s a really good dad. ^_^

Clear

Now that I have figured out how to enter what I eat into the food diary it is clear why my weight stays pretty stagnant. I eat too many calories for my activity level. Way too many calories, and beer isn’t helping either. LOL. Who could have guessed? But the new information is how far over the line I am, which isn’t all that much, so it should be fixable. I can also become more active and being able to eat brownies is a pretty good motivation for me.

So, here, now, today, I weigh 165 lbs. That’s about 30-35 more than I probably should be. So, little calorie and step counting app. let’s see what you can do for me.

frustration

why is everything that’s supposed to be easy so fricken difficult? I downloaded some stupid calorie counting app to my phone, you log what you eat and it also counts your steps, you tell it if you are trying to lose weight or maintain weight etc. first freaking day… I try to log two tortillas with cheese, didn’t even get to the tea w/milk because I can’t even get it to accept the stupid tortillas. The search function is SLOOOOOOOW and then when I find the damn food there is no obvious way to “enter” it. I’m hormonal over here people! When I try to log something 3 times and it still doesn’t work I tend to shed a few tears and delete your crappy app. I really felt like destroying my iphone with a hammer so, managing my moods.

I tried googling how to do it but that was useless. Now I feel frustrated, stupid, and still weepy. Menopause sucks, weight gain sucks, technology sucks and drives me up a wall. I am NOT going to text my techie husband at work and ask him to fix this for me. It’s my first impulse but I know how overworked he is and how idiotic I seem when I can’t figure this shit out like a grownup. I hate how I always run into roadblocks every time I try to do something positive for myself. I just want things to go smooth. How come nothing ever goes smooth?

i think i finally figured it out. Hormone levels still dangerously unstable. *sniffles*

random tuesday update

Had a rough go of it for a bit. i’m fighting an infection and i slipped and fell on the stairs. i’m ok, not really injured, just sore and exhausted.

Halloween was fun. my husband and i went as Crowley & Aziraphale from Good Omens. We went to 3 parties and, of course dressed up all day on Halloween.

Now we’re in a post-Halloween malaise slump. I’ve been cleaning, decluttering, and getting a little more work done in the shed. there is most of a loft now! ^_^ so exciting. I may finally be able to use the space!

PARDON my RANT

my husband posted on facebook that having a new brewery in town, and excellent pizza, etc all right down the street amounted to a conspiracy to keep him pleasantly plump. it was a cute and funny post, worth a laughing emoji from me and several others, but I also replied “You look HOT.” which a friend of mine felt she had to add a ‘shocked’ emoji.

you know how i just posted that I want to be kind? This is not inspiring that trend. i know this chick has some issues around … appearances? being pretty shallow? I don’t know. What I do know is that she complained to my husband that she was really upset because her husband would “basically never be in shape again” … as he was undergoing cancer treatment… for real. My sweet husband, taking this for a wild overstatement to blow off steam pointed out that being fit is hardly the most important aspect of a person and that her husband just being alive at this point is pretty damn awesome, giving her a chance to backtrack, she doubled down. She said it was extremely important and no one could be sexy if they were overweight. My husband is overweight and out of shape due to working full time and being in school 1/2 time. He couldn’t find the time to exercise for approximately 5 years and only started back recently. At the time of the discussion with this friend, he felt it as a real knock, I thought it was maybe her being utterly blind to how her words might hit my sweet husband because she was consumed with her own shit and thinking only about her husband.

Maybe it isn’t fair to revise that judgement based on her shocked emoji but I have revised it. I think she just went out of her way to be openly shocked that I find my husband sexy and it pisses me off. My husband knows he is overweight, his post stated that, he doesn’t feel “hot” he is down on himself over his weight. I don’t have a problem with him being heavy, pleasantly plump indeed. He is gorgeous! Yes, he was also gorgeous when he was in shape, and he was confident and felt better about himself, but I find him sexy ALWAYS. He can gain weight, lose weight, lift weights, not lift weights, it doesn’t matter to me, not in that way at all. I would like to see him be as healthy as he can be and live a long healthy life, but that man is sexy as hell no matter what he weighs. And here comes this friend of mine, adding her shitty 2 cents to MY COMMENT.

I want to be kind but I also want to defend those I love with Blood & Fire. I’m just not down for any kind of bullying and this chick is messing with the self-esteem of one of the best people I have ever known. My husband is intelligent, funny, handsome, hard-working, kind, generous, and many, many other good things. He is amazing and he adores me. He compliments me, encourages me in everything I do, accepts me for the broken, stubborn, nut job that I am, and has loved me through the ups and downs of over 20 years without ever once demeaning me or putting me down. I find all of that sexy. Washboard abs are not a concern of mine. I do not want my husband worrying that he might not be enough for me in any way. So when this person decides to be shitty, even if it is supposedly some sort of “joke,” I am NOT amused. I think I might actually have to say something to her. I’m not sure I can walk past this one.

She recently asked me to decorate for and throw her Halloween party for her, to bring all my decorations to her house and all that. She seems to have wanted to pay me for this but I don’t have the time and can’t even attend this party… so she wanted me to come by before I went to work (7:30pm-midnight) and “just decorate.” I declined, I have too much on as it is. Yeah, so adding being shitty to my husband to that and I don’t know if I want to be friends anymore. UGH!