Comfortably Numb

A lot can change in a day. Yesterday I was focused on my health and work and getting in some reading time. Today I’m wondering if my uncle is still alive. He was diagnosed with cancer about a week ago, maybe two, yesterday he was rushed to the hospital and isn’t expected to live through the weekend. He’s someone I haven’t been close with. There was some kind of weirdness between my mother and he and a big confrontation at a family party, he took off and wouldn’t talk to anyone, for years. I haven’t been much of a fan of his since then. He took my cousin away from me, and I loved her, I honestly have no idea WTF his problem is. The explanation was that he was pissed with my mother because he spent $$$ on some cuckoo clock for my Gramma and my mother had Gramma’s poems typed up and bound for her for $ and Gramma was more moved by the book. ??? So he and my other uncle took off and came back with a bunch of beer… when apparently no alcohol was allowed at family parties. My Grampa raised his voice over it and this uncle grabbed his family and dropped off the face of the Earth for several years. I missed my cousin horribly and he had literally snatched her up from where we were playing and stormed off without letting us say goodbye. He’s been a little mellower in the past decade or two but his actions have never been addressed. I’m sorry he’s dying, very sorry for my dear cousins who are losing their dad, their kids who are losing their grandfather, my aunt, my mom, my other uncles, but my personal feelings are… unknown to me. I feel something, I feel disturbed, upset in some way I can’t name, and sad for everyone that we’re in a pandemic so hospital visits or a funeral are all fraught with danger.

Maybe my muted feelings are just some shade of denial. Since I can’t do what I would usually do, visit, help, hug everyone, maybe my brain is just tamping it all down because it would drive me to distraction if I could feel all my own sadness, if I felt it all enough to break all the rules I’ve been living by for so many months. I can’t go to a funeral, even if it’s outdoors, and everyone is masked, because how the fuck do you go to a funeral and NOT hug all the crying people??? I couldn’t do it, I would break, and that would risk my husband’s health and my daughters. So, I guess this strange, removed feeling is a good thing, for me at least, and at least for now. Hopefully sending cards now will suffice and hopefully they will wait and hold the funeral when it becomes safe to do so.

Everything else: my doc never called yesterday so no news there. I got through my shift at work despite my mother’s phone call to tell me about my uncle. The spaghetti sauce seemed to be well received so I guess it tasted good. I’m still reading, still crafting, still picking berries in the yard and attempting to further propagate my mint. Oh! And I appear to have accidentally grown a squash or pumpkin plant by my compost patch! It’s such a pretty plant I can’t wait to see what it grows. If it produces any squash or pumpkins or whatever it will be a first for me! Tempest the Blight Druid claws her way toward becoming a regular Druid. ^_^ That is very exciting for me. I hope it produces. I will dance and sing if it does.

Now I will scamper off and bake something yummy. I’ve been craving sweet comfort food since I got the news about my uncle. I am not going to drink wine or beer, which I also crave, because I am babying my liver now at least until I find out what is going on with it. I need my liver. I’ll run may game tonight and hopefully not accidentally oversee a TPK! (total party kill) I thought about calling off the game tonight because I feel so unsettled but, since I can’t go to the hospital or otherwise help anyway, sticking to my routine and spending time with my friends may just be the best thing I can do.

Mostly Okay Sorta Sorta

So, I’ve been to the docs 3 times this week and I’m right now waiting for a call from them. I’ve been exhausted and not sleeping well, hurting all over, especially my joints, for some time. I’ve had a lot of blood drawn for tests this week and they actually might have found something. Something is weird with my liver. Huzzah! Yes, I am sounding positive about something that is probably bad because I’ve been struggling for years and kept being told I was fine when it is clear that I am not. So yes, I am happy there is something to freaking look at, now maybe we can get me healthy and fully functioning again. On the other hand, I need my liver, it does really important things for me and I am still using it, so hopefully whatever is going on is fixable. It would be great if I had to change my diet and eat healthier, that would cool, extra motivation. We’ll see, I guess, don’t know if doc is waiting for yesterday’s blood tests to come in before calling me.

Other than my liver, my doc put me on a muscle relaxer so my sleep has been better for 3 nights running. Fingers crossed that trend continues! Because my liver is involved I have stopped taking Tylenol for the moment, a nurse suggested it might not be helping, to see if that might give my liver a break. Poor thing, I get so many headaches and struggle with chronic pain, I take a LOT of Tylenol. Well, generics and store brands, but same thing. Lets see if I can make it through today without taking any, I haven’t in … 2 days? I should get an award. 😉

Being so tired means I am reading a lot. Finished So you Want to Talk About Race, The Simple Life, and Sherlock Holmes and the Stuff of Nightmares, so far this week. All very good and recommended books. Now I am reading Touch of the Demon, and This is my America, along with The Color of Law. I’ve got three more books in the demon series after this one, and a few books still to find and read in the Lady Sherlock series, as well as an unknown number of books in the Lovergrove Sherlock Holmes series, so I can hum along happily for a while and not worry about what I’ll be reading next. Actually, my TBR (to be read) pile is staggering. I’ve got a ton of fairy tale novels, horror novels, and nonfiction too. Sheesh.

Best coolness of the past 30 days: I discovered The Bloggess has her own bookstore and book club and I decided to try it. We read Mexican Gothic as our first book and it was creepy and wonderful. Yay! The next book is on its way here: Crossings, by Alex Landragin. I can hardly wait. I let book club books ‘jump the line’ in my TBR pile, the only books that take priority over them are library books with rapidly approaching due dates. I wonder how many library books I have ordered…

I have been cooking a bit more this week. Last week was not a great week as I was particularly tired and sore. I’m making a tomato based pasta sauce for everyone else, they can use it while I’m at work some evening. My son seemed very appreciative that I’m making this effort. He said something like ‘Homemade pasta sauce, that is supposed to make a big difference, taking it to the next level.’ He made his impressed face too. ^_^ I’m hoping to finish making it today so they can have it tonight. We’ll see, my hands hurt and I’m pretty wrung out and still need to go to work tonight.

Nothing is going on with the hippie fort. I have plans for the next improvements and would like to be spending time out there. It’s just been too hot for hanging out in all the uninsulated glory and we don’t want workers here if we can avoid it, at least till the pandemic is under better control. We haven’t had work done on the apartment yet either. So much to do and so much not getting done.

Global pandemic has meant our apartment has been empty since February. How could we rent it out when we can’t interview potential renters? Or show them the place? Well, it turns out a friend has been desperately, and quietly, wanting a change of address, so that happens September 1st. We won’t be able to hang out really, not until things settle down rampant disease-wise, but it will be good to have the place going to better use again and we’ll be able to maybe sit outside with masks and chat of an evening or something. I know it will be great, she’s such an awesome person, I can’t wait to get to know her even better. She’s a creative type too so there will be much arting going on in the near future. Dare I dream? Collaboration? ^_^ All those happy thoughts aside, I am convinced we will be going into lockdown shortly after schools resume this fall. There’s too much in person stuff happening and Covid is going to get out of control again in a hurry. I saw an add for PPE for kids for back to school and it nearly broke me. Face shields with cute stickers on them… what messed up dystopian novel are we in? Or what level of hell is this? I can’t even, I’m going to pet my kitty cat and take a shower. TTFN.

Keeping On

Wouldn’t it be nice if I felt a bit better today? Sadly not the case but I am maintaining. I had hoped today I would have more energy and less discomfort but it is what it is. I think I slept a bit better. I’m waiting for a call back from the Dr. as my joint pain was not addressed in any way. I made sure to discuss it with both the nurse and the Dr. but the Dr. moved on to prescribing antiviral meds for other symptoms and I was so uncomfortable at being in a building in proximity to people outside my bubble that I didn’t notice we’d failed to get anywhere with the joint issues in my hurry to be gone from that place.

I’ve been reading a bit, finished the second “Lady Sherlock” book. I picked up the first idly because I’ve always loved Sherlock Holmes and am willing to give anything relating to the great detective at least a once over but I was surprised to find A Study in Scarlet Women to be not only a fun read but also filled with characters I care about, a plot that woke my mind up, and a well wrought mystery that got more complicated as it went. The second in the series, A Conspiracy in Belgravia, did not disappoint. Sherry Thomas managed to keep on surprising me but I think I might be figuring her out. Well, I have hope that I am close to figuring her out. I should know fairly soon because I’ve put the third on hold at the library. For now I will be returning my attention to Diana Rowland and the 5th book of her Demon series; Touch of the Demon. The 4th ended on a terrible cliffhanger and I’ve been almost out of sorts waiting to start it.

We picked up our groceries, curbside, and our farmshare yesterday so we’re full to bursting again. The entire freezer in the apartment downstairs is full again. I need to make sure I am properly organized, we have a tenant moving in at the end of this month and I need to make sure everything is ready for her. I can’t be using that fridge by then and we need to get the insanity of my husband’s work overflow out of there as well. I’m not sure how we’ll manage all that with the unexpected delays with everything being backordered, but we’ll figure it out.

So tired…

I haven’t been blogging. I haven’t known what to write and I mostly still don’t. The world is crazy, the pandemic is out of control in the States and we’re just pretending it isn’t, and my health isn’t awesome. My joints are sore and achey, my head hurts most of the time, I’ve got painful swollen glands behind my jaw, I’m exhausted and still can’t sleep.

In more positive news I’m making real progress on a tomatoless pasta sauce that rocks. I made Meghan Markle’s zucchini based sauce a couple of times and it was good but not great so I was waiting for the tomatillos from our farmshare, still waiting, but I had summer squash so I chopped it up and threw it in my crock pot with onions, garlic, and homemade broth. That turned out well enough that I took the next bunch of summer squash and tried to improve on it. I used all the ingredients from the first attempt and added a bunch of spices that are in a highly rated spaghetti sauce and BOOM! Suddenly the sauce is YUMMY. I also added a little lime juice because tomato is acidic and summer squash is… not.

Puddin’, Why I let milkweed grow in the yard, blue visitor, & purple flower.

The blackberry and mint harvests continue, a little bit most days. Today it is raining and we have severe weather alerts but I got 1/2 a pint of blackberries and some lovely flowers before it started. I hope the rain doesn’t ruin the staghorn sumac. If I had the energy I’d go harvest it now but that is not going to happen.

Before this … whatever it is… completely walloped me we walked out to the pond by the local library and I noticed it also has pink water lilies. So pretty, so I snapped the pic above. My fingers hurt so I’m going to stop. Be well!

The $6 (ish) Dinner

I have a lovely little cookbook that I treasure called The New Cookbook for Poor Poets & Others; by Ann Rogers that talks about what she calls “the nickel dinner.” The nickel dinner is no longer really possible what with inflation and all, and wasn’t possible at the time “The New” was printed. (supposedly it was possible when the original cookbook was published) I love the idea of super cheap or free, but good, meals so sometimes I’ll figure out how much it costs me to make a meal for my family just to see how it compares to, say, the last time we ordered in or something.

Last night’s dinner was thrown together in a fog of humidity induced mental dullness. It was an evening I had nothing much left to give so I thought “pasta.” We had a bunch of zucchini from our farmshare so I decided to make the sauce I think I saw on Emmymade that was put out by Meghan Markle. It is a good, basic sauce but she clearly forgot the garlic so I fixed that for her. I also added a bit of cream and little shredded cheese to take it up a notch. Her recipe calls for cooking it down for 4-5 hours but I didn’t have that kind of time so i got out my immersion blender and it worked great. Next time I think I will add a little Green Dragon hot sauce to the mix. As I was cooking the nickel dinner idea wandered through my head and I stated adding things up:

16 ounce box of linguini: .99 cents
3 large Farmshare zucchini: $3.25
1 farmshare onion: .50 cents
Splash of cream: .50 cents
1 ounce shredded cheddar: .50 cents
2 cups broth made from chicken bones, veggie ends etc: free
random herbs and spices: maybe .25 cents?

Which comes to $5.99. Not bad! I had a little bit of nice bread left from a previous dinner to have on the side and I picked a bunch of mint from the yard to make mint iced tea. It was a successful dinner that everyone enjoyed and it was inexpensive so a big win in my book. Yesterday I also had enough purposely grown and wild berries to make a couple of smoothies too so, despite the heat & humidity, it was a good day. ^_^ Most of our dinners are a lot more expensive than this but still much cheaper than take out. Even my fancy meals, where I go all out, are a lot cheaper than meals out.

For anyone interested in the idea of making broth for free: it is really simple! I save any bones left from dinner, veggie stems or other unused bits, tiny amounts of leftover anything too small to save, wilted herbs and so on, sealed in bags or say an old yogurt tub, in the freezer. I try to cluster these items together so I can monitor how much of it I’ve saved. When I have what looks like enough for a batch of broth I dump it all into my crockpot and cover with water. I set the crockpot to low and let it cook for a few days, stirring once in a while, until I think all the goodness and flavor has made it from the food into the broth. Then I scoop out all the spent bits and discard them, strain the broth, and store it in jars in the fridge using it as needed for recipes over the next week or two or freezing it for later use. The other day I had some leftover veggie/bean thing that I added some broth to, turning it into soup, and served for lunch.

True Wealth

I just looked over at one of my very latest purchases, online purchases, I haven’t been inside a store since early March, and I was struck by the feeling of peace it gave me just to look on it. It’s a cellophane package containing, I think, 240 little skeins of embroidery floss in what I am calling “Every Color” with capital letters. I think there are 2 of each color so, really, there are many more colors in the world than in this little package, but it is honestly beautiful and I feel like I could make any design my heart could desire with this lovely collection of thread. It only cost about $15 which makes me happy because I love good prices. I’d be happier if I’d found it used, like if I’d stumbled on it at a tag sale or in a charity shop, I prefer second hand things. Second hand purchases save things from the landfill and can be had for pennies on the dollar of their original price. Awesome all the way around.

Anyway, The feeling I get looking at this colorful bundle was striking because I’ve been feeling so stressed lately what with the global pandemic and the failure of our leadership to contain or manage it and so forth. That peaceful feeling made me pause to think about it and I realised what I feel when I look at my packet of embroidery thread is wealth. I feel a great feeling of “enough,” of satiety, I feel content and confident that whatever I need to do with this thread I have got it covered. To me that is wealth. It’s the same feeling I have when my cupboards and fridge are full and their contents are varied. It’s that same feeling I have when my TBR (to be read) pile is vast, deep, and partially unknown, & when I know there are several books lurking there that I am positively hungry for. And it is the same feeling I have when I have several unpainted canvases, tons of paint, a bag of colorful yarn, or a drawer full of clean undies and socks. Oh! And empty notebooks and pens!

I feel so wildly, undeservedly lucky when I can look and see that any of these things are true, but I have realized that the truest wealth is time, is self-determination, getting to actually choose how you spend your time. I mean, we all probably know this, that time is the most precious resource. We have what we have and we cannot make any more of it. We can’t save time we can only spend it. I think the lockdown, and having to go back to work, made me see it clearly, undeniably, and deeply for the first time. For a few months, I got to decide when I worked, when I rested, when I ate, etc. It was disturbing and difficult at first, I made myself get up and go to bed on my normal schedule. I scheduled work activities each day, 2-3 hours per day to get the same number of hours in as usual but never having to work 7 in a row as I had at my job. That felt nice at first but wore on me terribly over time. Instead I worked about 4 hours 3 times a week and found that better, better still when I clumped those days together, though I was still able to be flexible to accommodate webinars and such. I finally found a wonderful rhythm, a way to order my life so I felt less stressed, had time to relax and pursue art, crafts, reading, journaling and other writing. I felt better than I had in a long time.

Now that I am back at work coving my usual schedule, quite honestly, I hate it. I work Monday and Friday evenings and all day every-other Saturday. It isn’t the number of hours that’s the problem, not at all, it’s 8 hours one week 15 the next repeat indefinitely, no problem. It’s being locked into the days and times. It eats me up, it destroys my ability to relax on any day I have to work and makes me feel rushed, pressured, and stressed. I’m back to 2-3 days per week where I am not home to make dinner and 2 days where I don’t get to eat dinner with my family. And the evening hours are not great for me to be working during. I am not at my best then, I am mostly spent by about 5:30 PM, just biorhythm-wise. My body wants me to recline and relax in the evening, or stroll, maybe. My body communicated this quite clearly to me when I was the master of how my hours were spent. I can get a LOT done in a day if I know that once dinner is done I am “off the clock.” Without work taking me away from my home I was able to use my clothesline much more frequently, I got into a habit of foraging berries and making breakfast smoothies, I started walking again for exercise.

It doesn’t help that no one else in my house is leaving it for work yet. My husband is locked into just brutal hours of work, stressed to the max and completely burned out with his job. I am not saying I envy that, I feel horrible for him, what is expected of him by his job (I.T. Professional) at this point is ridiculous and cruel. He is expected to do it almost completely during work hours but of course he can’t confine all that he has to do to those hours, there is just way, way too much. I need to be more grateful that I have as much lingering self-determination as I do, I am going to work on that. BUT, I think it is insane that most people live by the clock, serve corporate or other masters, and are expected to give SO MUCH for SO LITTLE in return. And, shockingly, people are expected to be grateful for even the worst, crappiest, most slavish, dehumanizing jobs. That isn’t me, but it is a LOT of people. Chained to clocks, having to work through illness, injury, at jobs that actually cause them considerable hardship. That is messed up!

Everyone deserves to work a reasonable number of hours and still make a living, have a life worth living, with a schedule that makes sense. Maybe we can’t have the ideal life where we determine what we do with each hour, but we should all have a good, satisfying, and dignified life. We all deserve time to relax, to seek entertainment & education, to spend time with family and friends creating memories. My husband was set to take a week off in March, instead he’s been working his ass off, straight through, at a very stressful job, since New Years Day. He’s got a good job, one that grants him 3 or 4 weeks “vacation” a year. So far he’s only been able to take a day here or there, I think he’s only taken 1 or maybe 2 off honestly, July 4th, the Friday before it was just off for everyone at his job, that’s the only day. There is no way he can take time off now, everything is a mad scramble getting ready to open the school for the fall, with no actual plan for NOT opening… which will likely be forced upon them at the last minute. It’s insane. And he can’t take time in the fall, of course, or likely anything like a week off until Christmas. He will get a few days at Thanksgiving though. They had damn well better let him save all the vacation time he is unable to take now. Gods, I hope so. He needs to take at least a month straight off just to recover from this.

Some Sort of Update

Apparently I don’t blog so much when it’s boiling out. We finally brought up the air conditioners and we’ve been running them enough to keep sane. I’m still uncomfortable a fair bit of the time but I can sleep so I won’t complain.

Berry harvests are still way down right now. There are TONS of immature blackberries on the bushes but they are ripening so slowly I wonder if they will ever be ready. The sumac berry, /pink-lemonade reportedly came out weird, I think I jumped the gun and they weren’t ripe yet, everyone still liked it but said it did not taste like lemonade. I need to find my foraging book and check when they are supposed to be ripe.

So, the camp-out went well. Five kids showed up and three stayed until midnight. We read spooky stories, talked about and showed off our pets, and the kids thanked me multiple times for putting it together. They asked me if we might be able to have similar events on some kind of regular basis and I’m thinking about it. I think I’m zeroing in on something, maybe the ideal sort of job for me, something that takes advantage of all my strengths and talents. I enjoy creating events, parties, planning activities, and running craft and other workshops, contests, book clubs etc. So, teen librarian is phenomenally close, my current job is phenomenally close, to what I feel I should be doing. But…

Other things I want to do just aren’t allowed in that box, not the way I want to do them, not on the scale I imagine them. Like the “All Hallows Read” where I wanted to run an overnight campout in the library. I thought we could do a sleepover with pop-up tents, sleeping bags etc. The plan was to have toaster oven s’mores, cocoa, etc, read aloud some spooky stories or Halloween related stuff, play some games and let the kids have the unusual experience of sleeping in the library. The teens loved this idea and my boss thought it was great and was willing to split the night with me so each of us could get a little shut-eye but the trustees didn’t feel comfortable with it. They also don’t allow us to show PG 13 movies even if we would limit the attendees to 13 and up and obtain explicit parental permission for each child attending. They won’t even allow PG 13 movies for adult audiences at the library. It’s just weird that I can show the first two Harry Potter movies but not the others.

That is all for now. I’m feeling ill and overwhelmed.

Dispatch From Under my Bed

Nope. Nope, nope. Not going to talk about the state of the world or all the craziness going on right now. I’ve focused on the crazy already, elsewhere, and I’m going to let this blog be a place of refuge from turmoil, strife and fear.

I found no blackberries in our yard this morning, and was only able to find a few golden raspberries, but there are bushes out in the neighborhood that are producing and I’ll probably hit some of them later. Our bushes are still heavy with not-yet-ripe berries, and we are getting a bit more rain lately, so maybe we’ll have more blackberries soon. Our staghorn sumac is finally producing! I was able to harvest 7 berry clusters this morning and they are now soaking in cold water for a day so I can make my family some pink “lemonade.” I can’t drink it because I am allergic. Sad story, I am allergic to lemons but in a Wild Foods class I took I learned that staghorn sumac tea was the original pink lemonade. It tastes just like it! I got to drink it 2 maybe 3 times before I became allergic to it. I was so excited to have lemonade again… a major letdown, but my family can still enjoy it so I make it.

Got through book 3 of the Demon series: Secrets of the Demon; by Diana Rowland. Really loved it as I have all of them so far. A little iffy on the ending but I am willing to see where the author takes it in the next book: Sins of the Demon. I love her books for many reasons, but the best thing for me is that I haven’t unraveled her endings before I got to them, not in any of books 1, 2, or 3, and that is a rare and happy event for me. I mean, sure, there’s something ego-boosting about figuring out whodunit all the time, but it’s also kind of tedious too depending on how early I’m sure I’ve figured it out. I don’t know why but I’m good at figuring these things out and it makes me appreciate writers who can surprize me, especially when I can look back over the story and actually see the hints that were so skillfully obscured. Suddenly seeing the red herrings for what they were is wonderful. Her white Trash Zombie series is wonderful too, I should get back on that, I think I’m on book 4 or 5 of that one.

Here at the homestead we are focusing on our many games. We’ve started to split off from each other a bit, which is weird. The girls are in games with friends, my eldest even dropped out of the family game, our boy dropped out of the circus game too which means my husband and I are in/running 2 games with none of the kids involved. It’s probably a good thing. Someday things will be more normal and we’ll leave the house for jobs and school and social stuff and it’s good the kids are taking steps and branching out before we get to that. We should encourage our boy to join a game with friends online too.

The reopening of the library continues. It looks like the trustees have approved opening for August 1st. We will start allowing a maximum of ten patrons at a time in to use our computers. Supposedly there will be no browsing allowed, not sure how that’s going to go over. Hopefully it will go well. There are still some layers of approval to get through, the Board of Health and the Select Board must approve the plan before we go forward with it, so it might not happen the way it’s written right now. It seems fairly reasonable to me, if the plexiglass is in place and I am not expected to leave the staff area to interact with patrons, I think I can handle it.

For all my worries about the virus, I am also stressed with the tons of extra work I’m now expected to do. Patrons can’t come in and browse and many of them can’t figure out how to properly reserve things online, so they call us with lists. That’s fine when it’s a few patrons a day but right now it’s many more than a few, and it’s overwhelming. I’m enunciating through my mask into the phone, trying to type or write with one hand, the computer is slow, the patrons are often incorrect that their searches have verified we have the item in our collection, and I have to apologize constantly, explain constantly, etc. After all that, I have to enter everything into the new curbside pick-up spreadsheet we’re supposed to keep. Pus the near endless procedures of quarantining and disinfecting every item coming into the library, all the doors, and everything we touch during our shifts. It’s a lot. I get it, I know it’s all for the best, but we are not working a single extra minute on this stuff. We have the same shifts we used to have only now we’re supposed to add in all this extra stuff and that is just going to get worse for a while as we slowly open up.

After each patron’s computer appointment we are going to have to sanitize the computer, mouse, desk, and chair. We are going to have to field all the phone requests by patrons who haven’t had access to a computer in months, collecting information like name, age-range, phone number, whether they will need to use the printer, etc. We will be enforcing 30 minute limits for the first time since I’ve been working there and requiring patrons to leave the building when they are done. They can’t pick out a book or movie while they are there, at least I think that’s how we’re planning on doing things at first, so we have to enforce that as well.

Lingering, nagging doubts about reopening are with me constantly. The emphasis from my boss is; “if you don’t feel safe with the way we are planning on opening, tell me what concrete steps I can take that will make you feel safe with reopening.” But the only thing that would make me feel safe would be not opening. At this point we are looking at pretty flat numbers in the state, which is lovely, but a lot of people were really stupid only about a week ago, around the 4th, and we won’t see if we will get a spike in cases from that for at least 1-2 more weeks. Add another week onto that to see how bit that potential spike will be. The crazy thing is we’ve been loosening restrictions across the state without pausing long enough to see how that loosening is affecting the infection rate. I’m afraid by the time we see the spike, and even later when officials finally admit that it’s a problem, and even later when they Hopefully lock things down again… it’ll be too late. It’ll be a disaster we can’t hope to contain. We’ll be utterly fucked.

Limiting my exposure to the news isn’t helping. I can be adequately informed as to what’s going on or I can be calm, I cannot have both. I very badly need both somehow. It doesn’t help that my husband feels a need to stay up to date with the news, or that his brother calls and fills him in on any horror he’s happened to miss. It doesn’t help that ignoring all the horror doesn’t make it go away and i know that. I need a break. I need 2020 to give us all a break, to give us something good, something really, really good, something helpful, something hopeful, something less stampede-toward-total-dystopia-ish.

So here I am. Here we are. Tonight will be the last cool night for quite a while. So I think I need to sleep in the fort tonight. In an ideal world, I would arrive home tonight to find a note from my hubby saying “meet me in the fort.” and I would get out there to find a nice dinner, lit candles, jazz playing, and wine. I know, that’s the date I put together for him a while back, it’s the date I need tonight, but I have to go to work. Maybe I can pull it off somehow? I’m having trouble seeing how.

We’re all Batty here…

So, it’s been several days since I posted, we’re all fine here, how are you?

I’ve been working, working on working, running games, playing in games, reading, cooking a lot, and plenty of other stuff.

My latest read: the 3rd book in the Demon series. So good so far!

Special note: last night, while gaming, exploring a vampire lair, a bat got into our bedroom and went unnoticed by all… except for Puddin’ the Wonder Dog, who perked right up and stared at the little thing until I took notice. Of course I start yelling; “OMG, A Bat!!! Help me, A Bat!” Stuff like that, and my husband is like; “We already killed all the bats, we’re fighting a vampire.” … … … ME: “NO, A REAL FUCKING BAT!!!” Points——> “Right fucking THERE!” And then much restraining of the dog, searching for something to throw over the bat, then running for leather gloves and a box, and finally: successful bat removal. Then returning to the game.

So, that was most of the excitement for yesterday. But I also learned how to make friendship bracelets! Yes, I know, like any 8 year old can do, but I am enjoying it. It’s one of the take home crafts I’ve put together in the hopes the teens will enjoy it. The stained glass craft and the fairy lantern craft have been well received. I’m working on a shadow puppet craft too. Lots of stuff to do.

My attempts so far: simple stripe, chevron, leaf pattern, & rainbow pride stripe.

I’ve been playing the Harry Potter game on my phone again for a few days. It encourages me to get outside and walk around which I really need to do. I’ve put on 5 pounds, all squishy and no muscle. Rude. It’s a freaking pandemic do I need to gain weight too? No. So I get out and fight Death Eaters and monsters, and return confundables or some such thing. It’s cute and play HP theme music at me. I like it. They keep adding to it and making it more interesting which is cool, plus special events and things.

Also, holy crap, you guys! One of the teens has submitted a story for the contest!!!!!!! YAY! Last year I had a Design a Cover contest and no one entered so this is making me very happy. ^_^

My sister sent me a present. It is so awesome! She’s gotten into pottery and she’s really good, selling stuff online and in a little shop or two near here. So exciting. Anyway, she’s making yarn bowls now and they are so cool! Here:

It’s blue with a branch opening and gorgeous green on the inside. So so lovely. She has cool stuff, check it out! https://hollypots.com/

Heat & Humidity

This weather is killing me. So disgusting. It’s 81 degrees out with 60% humidity and I walked for about 20 minutes, strolling, and I am so sweaty and uncomfortable. My hair is still damp from my shower and I’m considering a second one right now. I will definitely shower before going in to work. UGH.

If the promised rain would keep on coming maybe we could get a full berry harvest. Some of the wild berry bushes are in spots that drain a little too well. They are laden with hard, green berries just waiting for proper rain to ripen and make me very very happy. ^_^ We are harvesting and eating berries every day. I make smoothies with them since there aren’t that many yet.

Approximation of daily harvest of berries.

The library will likely be completely oppressive today. My Director is usually cold all the time and I am always too warm so it truly sucks in the summer. I’ll only be there for 3 hours tonight but I have to work all day tomorrow. I haven’t been on my feet that much in MONTHS, I’m going to be hella sore. I know, I am lucky to have a job at all, and I am grateful, this weather just makes me miserable.

My MIL in FL is getting really antsy. One in 3 people may be infected where she is and she’s getting a little scared. She’s also alone, bored, sick of all of it like the rest of us. I don’t know how I’d be coping if I didn’t have my husband and kids here. I honestly don’t know how non-gamers are coping. We play games with friends 3xs/week. Lots of laughs, just enough catching up with each other, I don’t feel super isolated. I do miss in-person games, getting together for wine, beer, food, but honestly, Roll20 gaming is social enough for me most days. I find normal zoom chats pretty boring, like phone calls but you can see everyone’s messy houses and split ends, we use them for the audio when we game. I can’t believe that’s all non-gamers get, zoom chats and such with friends and family. Oof.

Okay, don’t listen to me, I’m just cranky from the heat. bleh. Be safe!