Day 45: the lottery of leftovers

Before the pandemic hit, I had been working on ending food waste in my home, and I was doing it alone.  I’d mentioned to everyone that it seemed to be a pretty sizable problem and that I wanted to fix it but no one else had really bought-in.  I’d let them know that the dinner they were eating was made with leftover rice or pasta, or a bunch of veggies that had been in excess of a previous dinner’s requirements, and everyone would nod and say “Cool.”  That’s not nothing. I have a few very picky eaters and they were doing their best. 

Now everyone is more invested in my project.  They’ve watched the fridge empty out and listened when I let them know that even though I’d ordered groceries we didn’t have a blind idea when they’d arrive, if they’d arrive, or if the things we needed would all be included.  The Instacart shoppers are doing their very best but if the grocery store is out of something there isn’t a lot they can do.  The young man who seems to pick up our groceries most often has been really great. He texts us and asks if he can substitute something else, lets us know options and prices, informs us of store policies, and even sends pics of the empty shelves sometimes.  He really doesn’t need to show us the bare milk cooler or whatever, we believe him, but it shows us the situation in a way that has an impact, this is real.  What we’re all going through is real. 

Anyway, leftovers get eaten now and almost nothing is going to waste.  I still find little things that were hidden, behind or under other things, that have gone bad or grown mold and those things are wasted.  I’m talking about leftover casserole in amounts of about 1/8th of a cup, or fresh herbs that hid under a bag of carrots. (cries a little, I love fresh herbs and it is tragic when I let them go to waste) Before the pandemic I would often end up tossing up to ¼ of an entire casserole or pan of lasagna, the kids would actually let ½ a pan of brownies get stale.  (!!!) In the current dystopia the huge lasagna I made lasted less than 24 hours and we’ve had not a single brownie, cupcake or cookie wasted.  My son said; “Now that I’m actively trying not to waste any food I realize how much food I used to waste. It was not a small amount.”  Said with all the thoughtful gravity a 17-year-old boy could muster.  He was always my super picky eater. He had massive issues with texture that were pretty savage.  It is a BIG deal that when dinner is not good this kid now lies and says “That was good, thanks Mom.” My daughters, who have been relatively uncomplaining and accepting of whatever was put in front of them are now the ones most likely to make special requests and insist that they need certain foods.  I could not have predicted this switch.

At this point I am cooking what I’m calling “original meals” about 70% of the time, maybe?  By that I mean meals that I decide I’m going to make, get the ingredients, maybe make a substitution or 2 and make pretty much according to the recipe. The rest of the time I’m making meals backward by starting from “What have I got on hand? What in the fridge needs to be used up right away?” Often those questions lead to some kind of fried rice dish made from; the leftover halves of veggies chopped for previous dinners, leftover rice, and a purposely-leftover bit of chicken, pork or beef, all dressed up with a fresh palette of spices and some soy sauce.  Or I might find that I have a bunch of left over baked potatoes and decide to mash them up and use leftover veggies and some ground beef to throw together a shepherd’s pie.  I think of this as Leftover Lottery I spin the wheel and dinner is what it is.  Soup is a good place for some kinds of leftovers too. Sometimes some leftover meat gets cut up and thrown into a casserole dish with some pasta and a condensed soup and that’s dinner. 

We’ve been able to get some groceries delivered and I am very grateful for that.  This whole thing would be so much worse without getting milk, cheese, fruit and veg delivered.  The thing about groceries being so uncertain is that everyone appreciates it so much when “Hey! There’s lettuce and OJ! Oooo, apples and bagels!”  The years of being spoiled by convenience are melting away.

Has anyone else felt the need to get creative to conserve food?  Got any cool tips you want to share?  Any funky ideas that came out really good? Let me know! Comment and share your genius.  I really love hearing from you all. This isolation is tough.

Day 44: Anxious Thoughts

Watching the news feed is depressing. I stopped reading the news for a couple of days and I felt better. It was nice, I might go back to it. Does anyone else feel like they have to choose between mental health and being informed? I don’t want to be ignorant about what’s going on but at the same time things are bad in so many ways and it drains all the joy out of my heart to keep up with it.

The miles long lines of cars for food banks. I just can’t bear to think about it. I can’t help but put myself there, waiting hours in my car, desperate for the food to feed myself and my family, dying of anxiety that it would run out before I got any, riddled with guilt knowing I might get some and the many cars behind me might not even though they might need it just as much. I feel guilty just knowing I have food and other people don’t. I’ve gone hungry at some points in my life, I’ve not starved for days on end or anything, but I’ve lived on one scanty meal a day, sipping water near constantly to try to fool my stomach, for weeks. I’d eat anything anyone offered me while hiding my situation because I thought it was my fault. For me that was a long time ago and over the course of the past 3 decades, through planning, action, and luck, I had made it to a point where food scarcity was no longer an issue of mine. I keep telling myself “we’re still ok, we’re still ok.” It’s a mantra of worry, a spell to keep the spectre of hunger at bay. If something like this pandemic had hit back when I was struggling so hard I don’t know how I would have made it through.

Even now I don’t know that we’ll make it through. We will be ok as long as we still have our jobs and keep getting paid but how long will that continue? My husband’s job is actively planning for the survival of the school through several scenarios of full enrollment, 3/4, 1/2 etc. all the way down to no enrollment. They are planning for how many could they still employ in each scenario, who is essential, who would be cut, or given less hours, etc. At my job I’m not sure what’s going on exactly. I know it all hinges on the budget for the next fiscal year which starts July 1st. The budget had been settled, before this happened, with raises and everything, but the town is going to have to reshuffle things because of the economic hit the businesses are taking, and how much the pandemic costs to fight. I’m not super clear on how it all works but I know my boss will focus her fight on keeping our jobs and the services we provide intact, and cut our materials budgets and extra projects etc to keep those jobs and services. Which mostly assumes we’re reopening as a physical place. I don’t know if my job exists if everything we offer has to be provided online. Maybe. Parts of it for sure but other parts for sure not. I don’t know how long it will be allowed to exist if the building stays closed.

I don’t think it will be safe to return to anything approaching normal in early may. I heard our area isn’t expected to hit peak infection rate until then. How many weeks after that peak will we need to wait so it will be safe to go back out? Some colleges are considering staying online only through the end of 2020 and maybe starting physical classes for the Spring of 2021. Why does that sound both crazy and not crazy at all to me? Everything in uncertain.

Day 43 of Isolation

Blogging to try to stay sane here. I’ve got this creeping feeling of despair that threatens to overwhelm me. I’m swimming in stress and I have to think that’s what’s aggravating my acid reflux. I haven’t been drinking almost at all, I think I have somehow managed to lose my taste for beer, but last night we played Remote Insensitivity with some friends and I drank more wine than is good for me. I don’t think that helped my acid reflux either.

We’re gaming a lot. Today we will be playing Pathfinder again. A good game. We’re currently exploring an abandoned Hell Knight Citadel and it’s been a lot of fun, challenging, and I’m collecting pets. I’m trying to convince the party that I should get to raise the warg pups we found because CUTE, and keep the kobolds because they are hilarious. They are already sold on allowing the goblins to be part of our lives so there’s that!

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I’m trying to ART but I can’t because I require some solitude for that and there isn’t really any solitude right now. I could make some but that would involve carting all my art stuff around and it’s a lot of work. I’ll probably be desperate enough to do that soon. The only craft I’ve been working on is slowly knitting rows so I can be done with the HP washcloth and move one to something more interesting. I can’t wait to be knitting something else.

I’m cooking a lot, of course, and I get super sick of it. I always have to cook enough for all 5 of us and it sucks sometimes. If anyone else were to cook something, or make a sandwich even, they could make it for themselves and no one else and no one would think anything of it. If I want to make myself a sandwich I very much feel like I have to offer to make one for everyone else. Tiring. But, hey, we have food and I’m deeply grateful for that. Food is a very good thing. I’ve got another delivery floating out there somewhere and this time I actually remembered to add the baking powder so that will improve my baking and keep me from having to muck about with substitutions. That will be awesome. Lately I’ve made lasagna, scones, a really bad shepherd’s pie, (ground chicken does not cut it) kielbasa and rice… and a lot of noodles. So many noodles. I’m going to make this crazy butternut squash mac & cheese tomorrow before my squash gets icky.

I’m reading A Serpent of Venice; by Christopher Moore very slowly. I don’t seem to be able to concentrate on reading for very long these days. Stress? How are you all doing? Able to read? Tell me your stories, what are you doing to stay sane in this isolation? Is anyone still out there or have I gotten to the point of screaming in the void?

Day 41 (best guess)

We got some groceries delivered yesterday. Weirdness has been staved off another while. I’m not hearing from too many people right now, I seriously don’t know how people are doing, it feels weird. Also, I like to help people and it’s super hard to do right now.

My handsome hubby is kicking so much ass at his job right now. It helps that he is kind of the single point of failure and that much seems to have become clear to his boss at last. He’s finally getting some real recognition for what he does. He’s working so much it’s crazy. He’s exhausted. Now he’s talking about running a virtual RPG for the kids at my library… to make me look good. What did I ever do to deserve this amazing, wonderful guy? Seriously.

I pulled together some little prizes and got the word out as best I could about the next round of my “would you rather” card design contest. We’ll see if I can rustle up a few more entries this time. I’ve been brainstorming ideas, going to webinars about virtual programming, checking out other libraries to see what others are putting out there for teens. There isn’t a whole lot in our area. I think if I hit upon a good idea I will get a decent response.

Prizes I scrounged up from my stash of hidden wonders. I hope they will interest enough of the teens.

How much longer are things going to stay this way? No idea, no one can know, there is no safe day to come out of this that we can just pick. It sucks. I’m hearing that rural areas are starting to see spikes in covid 19 cases in the states without shelter in place orders. That’s scary. Services are thin in places like that and it is going to SUCK for those who get this thing. I just want to escape all the time now, just live in video games or whatever, I can’t, but I want to. I want to go hide in Ferelden where I can vent my anxiety on darkspawn and hang out with Alistair and let him tell me I’m pretty even when I’m covered in gore or I just slaughtered like 11 bandits or something. Or I could go hide in Skyrim and hunt down vampires, dragons, and giant spiders, while scraping up gold to make a pretty cool house out in the woods and adopting random orphans and pets. Mostly I actually just go coal mining and building in Minecraft. I breed vast flocks of chickens and run around dyeing sheep in a rainbow of hues so I can call them Pride Flock.

I watched a girl use boxed mac & cheese to make 3 different dishes and now I need ingredients so I can try out her recipes. I miss going to the store and picking out the things I wanted and needed. I like wandering the aisles and picking and choosing and comparing prices. I ordered a new journal today because my current one is almost full and I am relying heavily on it to keep track of all my classes and webinars and tracking my work etc. It was painful to have to choose one without handling 20 -40 and weighing my options when I could clearly see what my options actually are. I ordered one and I hope it’s the right size, with decent paper and all that. I mean, obviously I can make-do with whatever comes and it is the very definition of a first world problem. Gods, I must be so freaking spoiled. Honestly, there are people out there dying, people out there risking their lives trying to save lives, there are people who have real actual problems. I don’t mean to sound like I think my “problems” are such a big deal, I know they aren’t. I just miss the good parts of the way things were just a few weeks ago.

Time for me to get back to laundry, meal prep, cleaning, and knitting. How are you all handling the stress of confinement? How are things going for you and yours?

we’re lucky but some combinations are not for the timid.

I don’t know why I’m finding so much to say about this quarantine.  Maybe I’m just venting.  When I link to my FB I generally tag it with “Blogging for Sanity.”  Talking into the void so I don’t lose my mind as my beleaguered brain overloads with stress is my new normal, I guess.

Today I want to talk about food.  For background, I spent many years of my adult life living in poverty, I had WIC and Food Stamps for awhile before we managed to get our feet under us, but I have never seen my fridge so bareas it is now, not since my early 20s when finances were extremely bad and I wasn’t getting any help.  My cupboards are better than the fridge, of course, the fridge is perishable stuff so we eat it or it goes bad in short order.  We had a few grocery deliveries, about 1 every 2ish weeks, so we still have some milk and cheese and that sort of thing.  I think the only fresh veg we have right now is a bag of carrots I forgot was in the drawer or I would have served them already.  Oh, I think there are a few onions and potatoes in the cupboards too actually, but most fruit and veg is now frozen or canned and the fridge looks empty to me.

More Background: Years back, we had a weird Fall snowstorm sweep through and it took out power everywhere.  Ours was out for 4 days, which wasn’t bad compared to some places nearby that took weeks to get power back.  Everything in our house was electric so we couldn’t cook anything and had no heat.  All the grocery stores were closed because they couldn’t use their registers so we had to make due with what we had.  We tried to eat through the fridge and managed to save some stuff in a cooler by packing it in the snow, but it was PB&J for days. I tried to use a fondue pot to heat some things up, didn’t go so well.  We BBQed a bit which was perilous as the trees above melted and dumped snow over us while we tried to cook. 

Anyway… after that incident, I have made sure to have a good stock of TP, toothpaste, flashlights & batteries, etc. on hand.  I also keep a supply of canned tuna, instant soups, cooked reheatable foods like canned pasta and soups etc. and insisted on moving into a house with a woodstove.  4 days without heat and cooking scarred me a bit.  If an outage happens in summer we have the outdoor grill.  I also keep a supply of pasta and sauce on hand, ramen noodles, teas, canned and frozen veg. etc. because I shop sales and buy most things only when they hit a price I like, then stock up and don’t buy that item again till another excellent sale,  I keep my cupboards and freezer very full under normal circumstances. So now that we’ve been working our way through all my stores I find I have no tolerance for thinning reserves.  They are thinning for sure.  There is room in the chest freezer, I can see to the backs of my cupboards.  It makes me feel insecure even while I know I am lucky.  I have been able to keep things pretty ok without leaving my house.  I wish everyone could be so lucky. 

We’re lucky, but we’re at a point where food is getting a little weird.  We’re having to look at what we’ve got and figure out what we can make to eat and it’s becoming clear that my preparations have some pretty big holes in them.  I have several containers of mayonnaise but didn’t think to try and freeze cold cuts or maybe buy ham and freeze it to be cut for sandwiches later.  Tuna fish gets old fast when it’s the only choice.  I have pasta and marinara sauce but that gets old pretty quick too, plus I’m allergic to tomatoes so I’m eating buttered noodles when my family has spaghetti.  I’ve cooked everything we especially liked already, we’re down to things like tuna casserole, spaghetti, I made a chicken casserole, pancakes, I’ve gone through most of the stuff I could make soup from and I’m seriously running out of ideas. 

We’re supposed to get a delivery of groceries today.  I ordered things that will bring us back toward normal but who knows what we’ll actually get?  The stores are constantly running out of stuff so it’s been very hit or miss.  Depending on what we end up getting I might have to start making cooking videos with my son.  He had the idea and we keep joking about doing it; making a video series of the weird stuff we have to cook and eat because we are out of everything else.  I’ll let you know if things get that bad.  I hope you are all doing well, staying sane and have plenty to eat.  We’ve all lost weight trying to conserve what we’ve got. Not a bad thing really but we are looking forward to a time when we aren’t feeling so insecure. Hopefully, the insanity of this virus will cause more people to really look at how insane and inequitable the system we’ve crafted really is and maybe we can fix it at last. Everyone needs a living wage, health care and housing. PERIOD.

The Binge… Isolation Viewing

Too subtle? I’m playing on “The Purge” a movie about everyone legally committing crimes for 24 hours once a year, even murder. Instead of that heinousness, in this the hours, days, weeks, and months of our current apocalypse, I am bingeing videos, shows, & movies. I comfort-watch a bunch of shows like Parks & Rec, Brooklyn 99, Community, The Tick, Sherlock, etc. Now I’m all caught up with The Rookie, Grey’s Anatomy, Criminal, etc. I could still track down and catch up on the Doctor Who I’ve missed, plus a few others. I’m hunting for a new show to become a comfort show after viewing the entirety. These are mostly lighter shows, comedies usually, stuff I can fall asleep to and know that nothing super dark will happen to give me nightmares.

I binge police procedurals, The walking Dead, Dexter, and other heavier shows too, but not these days. If I’d noticed it earlier I probably would have been into Pandemic or Outbreak but, as fictional as I am sure they are, they are too real right now. I heard about another one that was medical-based too and the second season deals with… the black plague? It must involve time travel? Stress is destroying my memory.

Stats for Quarantine so far:

  • Most Watched: Community (Hulu)
  • Commentary: A Late Show & Last Week Tonight (Youtube)
  • Weirdest Movie so far: Under the Skin (Netflix)
  • Tried it, didn’t stick: Dr. Ken (Amazon Prime)
  • Funny so far: Schitts Creek (Netflixs)
  • Want more episodes: The Rookie, Grey’s Anatomy, Law & Order SVU, The Orville, Good Omens, (that one is not going to happen but What a Gorgeous Show) Firefly. (no, I will never stop wishing this.)
  • The World as I wish it: Liziqi (Youtube)

Other than watching shows I did pick up my knitting last night. I’m sorry, I should have made sure you were sitting down before typing that. I hadn’t knit a stitch since we locked ourselves down. I knit several rows on what will probably be the last Harry Potter Washcloth I knit for awhile. A small part of the reason I stopped knitting was that I was bored of the washcloths. I’m knitting my way through Harry Potter Knitting Magic; by Tanis Gray but seven washcloths is a lot. I’ll finish them up at a later date but I’m ready to move on. Think my next project might be the Beauxbatons Capelet or one of the House Mug Cozies. I’ll have to see what I have the materials and needles for. undefined A very cool book if anyone likes to knit. It was a post-Xmas gift from my husband because it didn’t come out til January… I think. While I knit I am, of course, watching shows or videos, mostly Liziqi or tiny house tour videos.

What are YOU doing during isolation? Please let me know! I’d love to hear from you, other humans, people… is anyone out there still? ~_^

Day, like, 38ish of Isolation

So, life continues, quarantine continues, the virus seems to be spreading slower so that’s good. Now we just need to stay inside for a really long time and try to keep everything from spiraling out of control again.

Keeping Busy: I’ve been working hard in online classes relating to my work. I’m learning so much about how I should have been doing my job all along making my anxiety PEAK but keeping me humble. We’ve been gaming. I started my GURPS game and my hubby continues to run Pathfinder. We’ve had a couple of Cards Against Humanity games online with friends and my husband is playing Axis & Allies online with his brother who’s quarantined hundreds of miles from us.

Family keeps being family: my mother continues to drive me nuts asking “when do you think you’ll go back to normal?” “Has hubby gone back to work yet?” Mom, WTF? On the first question: How the heck do I know when things will be anything like normal again??? And what is with the phrasing? Like this is some weird thing I’m doing… I just decided to stay inside for unknown reasons that affect only me or my family somehow? (OK Boomer.) Is she not getting what’s going on? Is she not staying inside too? I think she is because she claims to be going mad stuck with her husband playing scrabble and monopoly and making jigsaw puzzles. She’s baking up a storm too. She made herself 3 cakes for her birthday. I don’t know what that’s about if she isn’t giving them away or having people over or something. On the second question: What part of “Hubby doesn’t plan to leave the house till, conservatively September or later.” sounds like he might have gone back to work since our conversation 2 day ago? And was I unclear the dozen times I said “This virus will KILL him with his horrific asthma.”?

ART. I need to Art. I need to create. I want to knit, paint, I’ve been writing a little, I want to sew too, not that I’m good at it but I like making things. I need to get back on track with my Knitting through the Harry Potter knitting book at the very least.

Reconnection: I am connecting with friends more the last couple of weeks. We’re gaming online, holding virtual dinners together, skyping or whatever to see each other’s kids or pets. I connected with an amazing artist friend of mine just in time to get to buy her fantastic embroidered portrait of a plague doctor. Wow wow wow. It’s GORGEOUS. I think you can see more of her work by searching for “Tapestry of the Geek” on facebook and Etsy.

Her amazing embroidery makes my heart sing.

Little Update from Quarantine

We’ve been holed up for quite a while now. We are very lucky in that both my husband and I can work from home so far. I’ve never had a job where that was possible, or a boss that would fight for staff to be able to do so, before. We’re also lucky that my daughter and son are able to continue their classes from home and hopefully get full credit for everything so they can graduate and/or advance. We’ve also been lucky enough to get a few orders of groceries through Instacart. I can’t tell you how disgusted I am in the people who are abusing Instacart drivers by offering big tips then revoking them. Those delivery drivers are risking their health and their lives and it is utterly cruel to steal from them like that.

Anyway, we’re very lucky, but we’re also stressed. Our house isn’t huge and having everyone home and not having friends over is wearing on us. I am sure you know what I mean. The underlying annoyances between the kids seem much bigger, it gets weirdly tense, my husband’s issues with the my daughters … there’s just no breaks, no nights off. He gets moody and tense. I sit here in the middle of it all feeling nervous and stressed. Good times. I don’t want to make it seem like things are bad, they aren’t, things are medium which is pretty good these days. We’re all able to game together and mostly keep things mellow, mostly.

I am trying and failing, so far, to get anything off the ground with the young adults from my library. I suggested gaming online and a virtual book club and got 1 response to each, not enough, so I am trying a quick, creative contest: design your own “Would you Rather” card. I sent the email 2 days ago and I have… 1 response so far. I’m really hoping I can get just a handful of entries. I would love to be able to tell my boss at least one program attempt was successful. Yeah, our library is so small and rural that 3-4 teens participating is considered successful. Maybe I will mail the contest rules to the school librarian so she can send the idea to a wider audience. Or I could actually send the info to my boss to post on the website. Gosh it’s fun having such a sluggish brain lately. I blame the pandemic. ~_^

Fraying Around the Edges

The stupidest thing is eating at me. I’m tearing up as I try to type this. The groceries we ordered March 22nd still haven’t arrived. On the site our order page says both “arrives by Sunday afternoon” and “arrives by Tuesday afternoon.” The order costs $140 and the note at the bottom says our credit card is temporarily authorized for $90. I have zero freaking confidence this food will arrive, ever.

This isn’t an emergency, it isn’t, it’s just I’m living with my 3 adult, and near-adult, autistic kids and my youngest has always had issues with food. Wrong textures sicken him and his range, despite MAJOR progress, is pretty narrow. My younger daughter has acid reflux and has lists of foods that help keep the acid down. The order isn’t critical, it isn’t, there’s still food everyone can eat, I just want to be able to give the kids the things that… make life seem normal, sort of. I feel like I’m failing them which is insane because everyone is doing their best. All the parents out there are agonizing over everything and at least we have food. I would have stocked the cupboards differently if I’d known my youngest hates rice and that rice causes acid. (??? I had no idea)

Gods, I’m such an ungrateful jerk. We have food, we have a roof over our heads, we aren’t sick, probably.