Games and Goals @ the Library

I spent yesterday at the library with my husband. He runs a Pathfinder RPG for the tweens and teens once a month, usually while I’m working, I fetch snacks and print things for them because I’m almost always on the clock. Yesterday we reset the game to level one in the new Pathfinder 2.0 and started the new one shot module designed to teach players the new rules. It’s the same module we ran at home and the kids at the library jumped right in and did a better job sorting it out than the we did. ^_^

Progress is going slowing on all fronts around here. I’m not tending to my goals very well, except my reading goal which I’m still ahead in, I haven’t had time or money yet to get it together to work on things like soap or lotion making and it’s not exactly gardening season here in the North East. I’m also spending more time working on the upcoming Summer Reading Program than I’d have thought I would at this point in the year. The Cultural Council grants came through and it looks like I will get to offer both the stained glass and teen paint night workshops I wanted to. Yay! I thought I hadn’t gotten the painting grant but it was just late because of a typo or something in the council’s answer. For those 2 things I’ve just dashed off some emails to the instructors. What I’ve really been working on are my plans for other activities. I plan to run a Fairy Tale Writing Contest, plant some sort of fairy garden, offer a workshop on Wee Folk house-making, and hopefully a few other things as well. Last summer’s Book Cover Contest was a complete and utter bust and I am going to do my best to make sure the writing contest is a success. I definitely made some mistakes! (it was my first time running an SRP and my first time running a contest so it was inevitable I would mess it up pretty big time) How I will improve this year’s contest:

RULES: I will NOT leave things wide-open. It turns out that saying “do whatever you want!” is not the best way to inspire creativity. I will make sure there are clear guidelines for what I want submitted.
Examples: I will absolutely make sure I have at least 2-3 examples of what submitted tales could be like. Last year I had no examples whatsoever because I was swamped and kept putting off working on it.
Publicize the contest outside the library with flyers in the local middle schools and high schools, with a press release and with a very nice flyer I have been working on for ages already.
Prizes: I will tailor the prizes to the contest and not offer the generic one-size-fits-all prize I attached to last year’s book cover contest.

Sometimes it’s a little overwhelming learning this job as I go but I think I’m really starting to get the hang of it after a whole year. The collection is coming along. I’m starting to find areas of nonfiction to focus on that I think will interest local teens and be of help to them, I’m still working on getting more clear direction from them on what sorts of fiction they want in the collection. I put out surveys and got a far number of responses that were pretty diverse so I can only make sure I try to order a wide selection of books across all the genres at this point. The budget is such that I can’t really order more than 1 or 2 of any genre each month but I am able to supplement that with donated books sometimes. People who love books are so generous to the library, I often get books that have just come out within a few months in perfect condition, it really helps. I’m making progress in the programming I offer too. After each one I sit down and sort out what worked and what didn’t and why. I think about what I could change to make it more successful or about why it failed.

I love this job and I want to make sure my boss feels like I am worth the chance she took hiring me. In my job description it states that I am to run at least 2 programs per month, one being the Teen Advisory Board and one other of my own devising, and that attendance should ideally be 3, 4 or more teens (we are a small, rural library, larger libraries probably get a lot more participants). Starting this month, with the new year and all, I am offering every month:

Teen Advisory Board: pizza, small projects, and talking about what interests those who show up. I usually get 4-8 teens for this.
Pathfinder Role Playing game: 4 hour session, snacks provided, usually attended by 3-4 players.
Monthly Movie: tied to the summer reading theme, this year fairy tales, with free popcorn. My first and only screening so far had 7 attendees.
Book Boot Camp: a book club where we each read whatever we want within a certain genre and discuss them over cocoa and baked goods. (I’ll switch that up if I’m still running it once it gets warm out) This month will be Mystery and it happens next weekend. I believe I have 5 sign ups but we’ll see if anyone shows up.

Last year at this time I was running TAB and attempting to continue the Young Writer’s group started by my predecessor. Unfortunately the writing group fell apart in short order and it took me a few months to begin to offer my own programs. So, progress! I am definitely doing better than I was a year ago and I’m still working on it so I have to be happy with that.

who do i want to be?

I want to be kind. I mean… I am kind, for the most part, but I get angry, get shirty with people, definitely cuss people out in traffic. They can’t hear me cuss them out, I only use my horn if it’s a safety issue, but i DO cuss them out. I’m certain that doesn’t count as nice or kind. Kindness is magic. So i’m working on that.

I want to be a good mother who helps her kids become functional, happy adults, and i want to be a good wife who helps her husband find happiness in this stressful world. I want to be a good teen librarian who provides books and programming that make a positive difference in the lives of the teens i serve. I want to find some success as a writer and an artist. I want to be the kind of friend that people want to spend time with. i want to be healthy and fit.

Obviously i have a certain level of success at some of these things but i’m working on improving in all of them. It’s all a struggle but hopefully worth it. I guess we’re all works in progress until we’re dead but wouldn’t it be nice to hit a comfortable plateau? (sorry for the random capitalization, my keyboard is having some issues.)

Physical and Mental can get in Sync Any Time Now….

I’m physically falling apart and mentally starting on an upswing. It’s actually super weird because I feel like I can tackle anything, in my head, but my body does Not agree. Usually my head is the one dragging me down, telling me I can’t do something, and I’ll feel physically confident even though I am a huge klutz with limited skills.

I’ve been quite tired for a bit now and achey. I keep getting minor injuries, bruises and that, from crashing into things, (klutz) or stumbling, or the other day when either my IBS was acting up or I had food poisoning. Yeah, I seem to have lightly pulled a muscle in my back … from puking. LOVELY. I keep turning my ankles stumbling just enough to keep them achey. It’s ridiculous.

Meanwhile, I’m busy cleaning, decluttering, working on fun projects for work and for myself. One project is I’m knitting house scarves (Harry Potter reference) for the teens at the library. When I show Sorcerer’s Stone in December I’m going to have puzzles the teens can complete to enter a drawing for the house scarf of their choice. I really hope I can get all 4 done in time. I’m only halfway through the Griffindor scarf at the moment.

I’ve also been reading more, trying new recipes, getting ahead scheduling events at work, managing my time better and saying NO to things I don’t have time for or don’t want to do. I’ve also been working on enlisting the kids to do more around the house. There’s just so much and they need to develop the skills for when they’re on their own. (whatever they may believe about me exploiting their labor)

Before I pop off, here’s a book recommendation: Hollow Kingdom; by Kira Jane Buxton. It’s insane, funny, touching, heartbreaking, filled with expletives and still reverent. I don’t want to give anything away. It’s Wonderful.

Successful Programs & Future Plans

The Teen Advisory Board is growing. When I started last December there were 4 or 5 members it has grown to 9. They are talking about programs they’d like to run; a Ukulele club, an LGBT support group, etc. It’s very exciting to see them realizing that they have the power to steer Y.A. programming at the library.

I just had 12 kids show up for an Interactive Graphic Novel workshop this past weekend. Not the most I’ve ever had show up to something but a very encouraging number for our small, rural library. I think we had 9 show up for the Sumobots workshop last month which is a good number as well. My Bullet Journal workshop only had 2 teens but they were enthusiastic.

Next month I am having a Breakfast Cereal & Cartoons Saturday Morning slothfest, and December will have a Harry Potter theme featuring an ornament making workshop and a showing of “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” with butterbeer, puzzles and prizes. In January 2020 I will be starting a year of monthly fairy tale movies in keeping with next summer’s theme and I will be starting “Book Boot Camp” a book club of monthly shifting genre’ to get readers out of their comfort zones. Laser Tag at the Library is also on the table but we need to check the equipment first to make sure it still works. I am feverishly working on all things fairy tale for next summer and hope to offer some amazing workshops for the local teens & tweens.

I’ve never had a job like this before. It’s so interesting and exciting planning and bringing off programming for this age group. (11-18) I feel so lucky to have this job, to have a supportive and wonderful boss and coworkers who are helpful and encouraging. It is impossible for me to leave work at work, I find myself thinking up ideas for programs and “quickly looking up one thing” for work that turns into me designing posters and brochures for a couple of hours. When I can finally use my studio I’m definitely going to have a space for working on programs and planning events for the library.

Progress

I’m getting somewhere.

After a long time of feeling like no progress was being made in almost any areas of my life I am making some headway, however small, in more than one area.

Decluttering: In the past few weeks I have filled up the trunk of my car twice and dropped everything off at the Survival Center. Several bags of clothes, a few boxes of books, some household goods, and loads of CDs, DVDs, and video games are all gone. I’ve also been making an effort to put some items away that had been left in awkward places for MONTHS. Moving some of the things I will use for my studio to the shed has helped too. The house is feeling less out of control and more livable. I’m getting somewhere!

Meal Planning: Officially back on track after mucking it up for a while. It’s been 2 solid weeks now that I have planned everything out and I’m doing well. I even turned down an invitation to go out tonight for someone’s birthday because it would muck up the schedule and becauseI hate biggish plans last minute. I like small invites like let’s go get coffee/tea, are you free? But Dinner and movie on a Tuesday? The movie theater they are going to is over an hour from our house and the movie wouldn’t be getting out till after 10:00. My husband has classwork and we need to be here to make sure the kids do their homework too. I don’t know these folk’s exact schedules but I am willing to bet they don’t have to be up at 6 am tomorrow. I initially thought they meant this weekend some time. Spontaneity seems fun but I don’t have that kind of freedom.

Work: I am getting near to having things planned out three months in advance as my boss requested! Once I nail down a couple of dates for events and get some flyers made I will be right where I want to be and will just have to keep up planning for that 3rd month in the future as I go. Awesome. I am also about halfway through with pulling together my plans for next summer’s Summer Reading Program. I am starting to feel less overwhelmed and under-qualified. ^_^

My Son: His therapist reports progress is being made! He is less depressed and some of his other issues are lessening in intensity and he is feeling better. He reports he is doing well keeping up with school work and doing well socially! BAM! ^_^ That is awesome.

There are loads of areas that are still pretty much sucking but I am just going to be happy about all this progress right now. Things are good. Things are good!

Slacker

OK, it’s official, I’ve been slacking off on this little blog. I got sick and busy and lost in my own head, a problem I suffer from from time to time. I’m quite prone to getting lost in my own labyrinth of a mind.

Let’s see… I’m ok with the new hair, it’s meh but it is pretty much for a Halloween costume so … whatever, it’s fine. I’m going to re-dye it soon, go lighter. got most of my costume worked out and now need some parties to go to. I have a couple of friends throwing parties so it shouldn’t be a problem. I’m no longer sick, just still tired and dragging, so improvement!

I’m a teen librarian, as you probably already know, and I run a Teen Advisory Board Group every month. This past Monday I had 9 kids show up! I usually get 3-4 so this is a big deal to me. My programs haven’t been super well attended but I think I am having some small impact. The kids love my ideas but showing up is a whole other thing, it’s tough I know, they have to have the motivation/energy and most of them need their parents to drive them, another hurdle, so I get it. (NINE!!! ^_^) They are very excited for the Harry Potter movie showing I have planned for December with Butterbeer and word puzzles which can be completed for a chance to win hand made house scarves …which I REALLY need to get working on. I have kids interested in staring an LGBT club, kids who want to get together for arts and crafts, kids who want a book club and …wow, that’s already a LOT of stuff for me to manage on top of all the other things we’ve got going. (TAB, Pathfinder and 1-2 random programs per month)

It’s kind of amazing having a job I care about and where I am making some kind of difference. I love it.

a very blah day

Went to bed with a headache, woke up with a headache, didn’t sleep well. The overcast and rain seem to fit my drained-feeling mood. I’ve been trying to rally but today’s tasks aren’t helping much.

Had to fill out school forms for the lad, they seem needlessly invasive to me but I guess in some kind of emergency his dad and I, who both work within 30 minutes of his school, might be unreachable. He starts next week and they just emailed me the summer reading list. I feel like maybe I should have gotten that a while ago. Actually, they sent a big email about how they are all about communication, effective communication, and keeping parents informed and there was a note about summer reading lists and school supply lists with a link to the website and instructions on where to find these lists and neither was there or anywhere I could find. I emailed the secretary asking where I should look and she emailed back 2 documents without so much as a single word like, “hello,” “oops!” or “Sorry, here you go!” Excellent communication. There are 2 books the kid is supposed to read by next week and he’s at work with his dad so I have no idea if this is something he’s already on top of or if I should be trying to scare up these books for him. So, I filled out forms and signed permissions etc. and found that one form has to go to the Dr.’s office. Oops, that one is on me, I didn’t check it thoroughly when I opened the packet.

I was also supposed to be making a monster book of monsters notebook to proof the process we’ll be using, that’s a great, fun task, but I can’t find all the materials I had to make it with… I’ve looked everywhere I can think of but all I found is the fake fur. So that’s on hold till I find everything. Or I skip it and take a chance on Friday that it will just work out ok. Not my preferred method but it might be the one I have to go with.

I got an email from my ex-boss last night asking me to work next Wednesday with my favorite coworker for the day, I said I’d see if I could and get back to her ASAP. This morning I get a follow up email saying how she’s supposed to be on vacation but had to work today due to lack of coverage, I think that’s a passive sort of jab because I quit. I gave notice on June 26th, my last day was July 10th, it is not my fault she didn’t hire anyone. The email also said she was then planning to be on vacation next week but now that’s collapsed and if I work next Wednesday I’d be working with her. I do not want to work with her, she likes to keep me “busy.” She’ll send me to weed out books that haven’t circulated in 6 years or more and when I lug them downstairs she then goes through them to decide book by book if she really wants to get rid of them, which I understand, BUT then I get to put the one’s she’s not ready to let go back upstairs, and come down and delete the others. Honestly, if she needs to weigh the worth of each book she could delete them herself and save time. I wouldn’t even mind just being the book sherpa who has to run up and down the stairs for her. It’s that she pretends I’m involved in the decision and then shatters that illusion. That’s her pattern and a main reason I was glad I don’t have to work there anymore.

Also, the last shift I worked was very, very awkward. Her friend came in as we were putting some materials together for the kids and pulled up a chair with us. I was practically sitting right between the two of them and my boss starts talking about her ex. She was talking about such wildly uncomfortable things… I just can’t. Not graphic, not like that, just… she’s pining over this guy who moved on years ago, is with someone else, has kids with the new person, I think they are married, and she’s just talking about all the possibilities or whatever and I almost cringed so hard I became a singularity. Her friend was clearly uncomfortable too and didn’t know what to say. I wanted to sink into the floor, run from the room, fly away. I was so happy when that shift ended, I haven’t been back there since. That would have been awkward no matter who it was but it was my BOSS. She also made assumptions about my schedule in the second email, saying if I left at 2:30 I could get my kid from school… he gets out at 1:30 and I would have to leave by 1:00 to get him. Something about that just bothers me.

On the plus side, I’ve spent the day at home so far, doing laundry, changing the sheets, thawing stuff for dinner, getting the forms out of the way, stitching a comforter back together that was starting to fall apart. I haven’t popped out to spend money or shopped online. It’s way to easy for me to spend money when my mood is tanking or I’m stressed. I’ve been trying to resist, and doing fairly well for some months now, but I slip a little now and then. I try to be really deliberate about what I buy, to plan ahead, to get excellent deals and spend as little as possible, every once in a while I suddenly find myself buying a bunch of yarn because it’s pretty, or picking up something else I don’t need, but I keep trying. I posted this morning on a sharing site about needing some stuff to fix up the shed. People just give away things they don’t need, I do it too, give stuff away there. There’s no cost to anything, no profit made, it’s all just to clear things out and get them to people who will actually use them, and keep things from ending up in a landfill. The phrase “There is no ‘away.” motivates me. When we decide something is useless, is trash, and some things actually are of course, but when we toss things “away” they don’t really go away. All that stuff, and it’s a MASSIVE amount of stuff, goes somewhere on this planet and begins to degrade, to pollute often, and there is so, so, much of it. It’s another great reason to avoid buying new things besides saving money.

Things that are Good.

I’m going to write a more upbeat post this time. Looking back over my entries they have a very complainy tone and that’s a little sad because there is an awful lot of good going on in my life! So, on to talking about the things that make me want to get up in the morning.

First, I know I mentioned circumstances have put something of a strain on my marriage but it is still a really great relationship. We are both huge geeks and have had 20+ years of shockingly high compatibility. When we met we were both into LoTR, reading, and RPGs and have had a blast getting each other into new hobbies and fandoms over the years. He showed me Drizzt and Dragonlance, I showed him Doctor Who and Star Trek. We discovered Harry Potter together and GoT, and Firefly etc etc. We’ve been reveling in this amazing age where geekdom is having its day. Movies, TV shows, games, books, and merchandise galore. It’s a good time to be geeky. ^_^ We also share a great deal as far as worldview goes, where we have any differences we respect each other. We’re still crazy in love after all this time too.

Though my kids are a source of stress, and I worry about them constantly, they are also a source of joy. They are good kids, sweet, kind, generous and loving. They are funny and make me laugh and smile. Their progress, while slow, Exists, they are each moving forward and that’s not nothing. I know a few people who are not moving forward, who have basically fallen down, so to speak, and are refusing to get back up. I’m very glad and grateful that my kids are not in that position. They are also each clever and talented at various things. I’m not saying they could pay the bills with their writing, art, etc but they produce lovely things, disturbing pieces sometimes. Their art is not boring.

Our goofy pets. Our earnest, lovable mutt is our clown, confidant, protector and more. She is such a love and such a goofball. I am so happy she is part of our clan. Our 2 cats, one is the boss of everything and will slap us if we get out of line. She doesn’t like us… that’s why it’s sheer coincidence that she follows us room to room and wants to be pressed against us while we pet her. She’s not fooling anyone. Our other cat is just a big old mushy lovebug. climbs all over us, MUST be petted or she will lick you or use her paws to demonstrate how to pet. All of these little beings make me laugh and smile and want to be as awesome as they think I am.

My job. I have a job I actually love. I am so lucky. I work as a teen librarian and I absolutely love it. I manage the Young Adult book collection and run all YA programming at the library. I come up with ideas for workshops and seek out instructors as needed, I try out various activities, and so on. This summer I’m running a series of Arts & Crafts workshops as well as showing sci-fi movies and throwing little parties for the teens. We give out raffle tickets to encourage reading and then draw for prizes. I’m also running a book cover contest which may or may not result in any entries… that’s the nature of YA programming. A lot of the stuff I try might fail. Like my movie series, it’s been me and my family watching and almost no one else! But it’s all fun and it’s all a learning experience for me. I’m still quite new at it. I’ve only been working at this job for about 7 months. I met with the Teen Advisory Board last night and got to tell the kids about my ideas and get their opinions on future programs I might run. I also leave a lot of surveys out in the YA room. It’s hard to express how interesting and challenging and FUN this job is.

That’s probably enough of a sample of what is really good in my life right now. It feels nice to write about what’s going right for once. I’ll have to keep doing it.

This is the first day that really counts as me no longer working 2 jobs. Normally I’d be going in to work soon and today I think I am going to miss the air conditioning. Saturday is also supposed to be a scorcher and I would have been working through the worst of it. I really hope the universe isn’t trying to tell me something…. Even if it is, I made this decision for important reasons.

I’ve been decluttering and cleaning, again, also spent some time watching these kooky videos with my son. I think the series is called “Tier Zoo” or something like that. It’s fascinating and sometimes hilarious. It treats the world as if it were a game and different organisms as character builds. It’s pretty entertaining.

OMG I think I am 3/4 melted in this heat and humidity. I feel so gross. I think I’ll have a cool shower before dinner, maybe one after dinner, definitely rinse off before bed… I’m starting to see the appeal of having a swimming pool despite the expense and the work involved. I’m making some kind of pasta-y broccoli/chicken casserole and a salad. I haven’t made the salad yet but the casserole is ready to bake. Please hold all applause, ha ha.

I’ve cleaned up a lot of random stuff in the bedroom, I’m still probably only about 10% done in there. So much to do. I need to cull my clothes again, and books, and general stuff. The kitchen might be done though. I cleared out a cupboard today and found 4 partial bags of semi-fossilized marshmallows and a bag of fat little biscuits that super weirdly had NOT gotten moldy. They must have been in there a year. Those are some DRY biscuits! I’m so bad at this. I mean, I’m really good at helping other people declutter, walking them through the “do you want to keep this item? Donate it? or is trash?” process until they can handle it on their own, but I have a hard time actually doing it on the scale my stuff requires that I do. I am making progress, I know that, it just feels so slow. I’m going to call my progress “glacial” so I can think about glaciers, big, beautiful chunks of ICE, so cold, so nice. I miss winter so much.

So, I need to get organized and break down my larger goals into smaller pieces. I want to declutter our whole house, yeah, of course, but should I take it room by room instead of doing whatever strikes my fancy on a given day? Would that help? So far I have been donating as I go which is an improvement over the past. Normally there would be boxes and bags of stuff lingering around the house, then lingering in the trunk of my car, and finally, months later, getting donated somewhere. Maybe I deserve a little credit for that kind of progress? Maybe, but there is so much stuff in here it’s crazy. No, there aren’t paths through some mad hoard, but there are a few rooms where it gets close to that bad sometimes. I’m working on it!

Can I ask you guys a question? (ok anther question) How many of you, who are parents, have wanted to or tried to start a family game night? I’ve tried a bunch of times and I think the failure comes down to, well, ME. I’m so tired after dinner I think I take no for an answer too readily. I feel like I don’t have much left to give by the time dinner is over and I don’t want to delve into the more complicated and entertaining games that might entice my family to actually play. Also, my attempts are short lived, I might try for a week or 2 but I tend to drop it after that. From what I’ve read about working with young adults, and from working with young adults professionally, I know that the formula for success is to just keep at it. Like this summer I’m showing movies on Fridays. Only my family came the first week, the second there was one extra young man, the third there were 4 people who attempted to stay, hopefully this week will be better. But they say in YA if you planned 8 workshops and no one comes to the 1st 7, run the 8th anyway. It takes time for teens to decide they want to do something, it takes time for them to trust that the offer is really sincere. I think I need to just apply that at home.