Day 53

I need to get outside. Does anyone know how to ruthlessly murder a million ticks without poison? Everytime I go out into my yard, even just to walk the dog I come back with at least one tick on me. It’s horrifying and I hate it. Those things really squick me out! Yeah, I’m probably not going to go outside. But it’s so gorgeous out there… and I should.

Had meetings all day, on Zoom, Meet Up, etc. It looks like summer programming will all be virtual. My state just got another 3 week extension on lock down, which is good, not enough probably, but something. So, now I need to scramble to come up with programming that can all be done online that is engaging, valuable, accessable, etc. We’re looking at how to reach patrons who don’t have internet access. We can do mailings somehow I guess. This new world we’re in is tricky and stressful. I need to work on my stress relief. I don’t know if I will be back working in the library this summer, I don’t know if patrons will be allowed in or not, I don’t know how we can serve our patrons well if they can’t come in to use the computers and printers.

Public Libraries in rural areas like ours provide access to the internet, computers, printers, scanners, fax machines, etc. Some libraries also have 3D printers and other fancy stuff. In our area the library is often the only place some people can use computers or the internet and we get people rushing in at closing time desperate not to miss some deadline, caught between their work schedule, the bus schedule, and our hours. If they make it before we shut the computers down entirely we will try to help them, much as we like to go home at the end of the day, it usually isn’t their fault they couldn’t get to us sooner. (not that I’m super invested in “fault”) Public Libraries everywhere are a safe warm or cool space for people experiencing homelessness to go during the day. We have restrooms, clean water, sometimes even tea available for a donation. If anyone asks me what the donation is I let them know it can be any amount, if they still seem unsure I let them know there is no one policing our tea supply, the Director and staff basically donate it all. The horrid Keurig plastic pollution machine costs $1 cup for whatever one chooses; coffee, tea, cocoa, but there is no one acting as the police of that transaction either. So it’s not nothing that library doors are closed now and I wonder how we will find ways to continue to help our patrons access what they need. We don’t have a supply of loaner laptops or mobile hotspots like some other libraries do. I know we’re working on all this, I just wish I could know what’s coming, I wish I could prepare.

Will I have a job when the pandemic releases us all from our house arrest? I don’t know. I’m seeing a lot of pain coming for a LOT of people, and while I know Public Libraries are a cost-effective way to provide vital services to communities, I also know that they often end up threatened by the chopping block. So right now I am working extra hard to become the best librarian I can be. My online classes are turning me from a whimsical chick who comes up with cool crafts for the kids to do into a kickass librarian who provides more value to the tweens & teens of our community by planning programs built around specific learning outcomes. The great thing is, if I do it right, the kids will learn things that make them think and help them grow and all they’ll notice is the fun and creativity.

Day 48

We’ve got a real pattern going here. We eat pretty well right after we get groceries, there’s fruit and lettuce, milk, cheese oj, we got little cupcakes from the bakery this time. I was missing those darn things so bad! We’ve been home long enough I had to buy conditioner, guess I forgot to have enough of that on hand. So, we got some groceries delivered yesterday so we had fresh bread and salad with dinner the past 2 nights and I got to make the weird mac & cheese I wanted to make. We got apples and oj for the next couple of days at least. I’m trying to space out the good things the little cupcakes will be gone tonight and I will likely wait a day to make the brownies from the mix I ordered. I try to keep a few of the fresh veggies for a few days to liven up an extra meal or two. We’ll be back to pasta, rice, and tuna again before long. Not to complain, it’s good to be able to eat, it’s just less stressful when we have a more normal range of food.

If you need distraction as much as I do: There’s a really cool game for the PS4. It’s called “Journey” and it’s lovely. My friend told me about it and I went to go buy it and it’s FREE on the PS4 in downloads! It took me maybe 2 1/2 hours to play and it was diverting and charming and … just cool. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mU3nNT4rcFg I intend to play it several more times. It only took 15 minutes to download too.

I got 3 submissions to my contest! Feels like a victory to me. There are 3 kids claiming they will log in for the Pathfinder game tomorrow too. I will be on top of the world if that happens. Seriously, that is a huge leap in participation in my virtual programs and I will take it. I’ll be announcing the winner of the contest on Monday and sending out the little prize. ^_^

I’m not feeling well, haven’t been sleeping enough, nausea, headache, just under the weather. Crazy because I have had no exposure to anyone or anything in ages. Could it be allergies? Meh. I hope you are well, I hope you are coping. Stay safe everyone!

Day 44: Anxious Thoughts

Watching the news feed is depressing. I stopped reading the news for a couple of days and I felt better. It was nice, I might go back to it. Does anyone else feel like they have to choose between mental health and being informed? I don’t want to be ignorant about what’s going on but at the same time things are bad in so many ways and it drains all the joy out of my heart to keep up with it.

The miles long lines of cars for food banks. I just can’t bear to think about it. I can’t help but put myself there, waiting hours in my car, desperate for the food to feed myself and my family, dying of anxiety that it would run out before I got any, riddled with guilt knowing I might get some and the many cars behind me might not even though they might need it just as much. I feel guilty just knowing I have food and other people don’t. I’ve gone hungry at some points in my life, I’ve not starved for days on end or anything, but I’ve lived on one scanty meal a day, sipping water near constantly to try to fool my stomach, for weeks. I’d eat anything anyone offered me while hiding my situation because I thought it was my fault. For me that was a long time ago and over the course of the past 3 decades, through planning, action, and luck, I had made it to a point where food scarcity was no longer an issue of mine. I keep telling myself “we’re still ok, we’re still ok.” It’s a mantra of worry, a spell to keep the spectre of hunger at bay. If something like this pandemic had hit back when I was struggling so hard I don’t know how I would have made it through.

Even now I don’t know that we’ll make it through. We will be ok as long as we still have our jobs and keep getting paid but how long will that continue? My husband’s job is actively planning for the survival of the school through several scenarios of full enrollment, 3/4, 1/2 etc. all the way down to no enrollment. They are planning for how many could they still employ in each scenario, who is essential, who would be cut, or given less hours, etc. At my job I’m not sure what’s going on exactly. I know it all hinges on the budget for the next fiscal year which starts July 1st. The budget had been settled, before this happened, with raises and everything, but the town is going to have to reshuffle things because of the economic hit the businesses are taking, and how much the pandemic costs to fight. I’m not super clear on how it all works but I know my boss will focus her fight on keeping our jobs and the services we provide intact, and cut our materials budgets and extra projects etc to keep those jobs and services. Which mostly assumes we’re reopening as a physical place. I don’t know if my job exists if everything we offer has to be provided online. Maybe. Parts of it for sure but other parts for sure not. I don’t know how long it will be allowed to exist if the building stays closed.

I don’t think it will be safe to return to anything approaching normal in early may. I heard our area isn’t expected to hit peak infection rate until then. How many weeks after that peak will we need to wait so it will be safe to go back out? Some colleges are considering staying online only through the end of 2020 and maybe starting physical classes for the Spring of 2021. Why does that sound both crazy and not crazy at all to me? Everything in uncertain.

Day 41 (best guess)

We got some groceries delivered yesterday. Weirdness has been staved off another while. I’m not hearing from too many people right now, I seriously don’t know how people are doing, it feels weird. Also, I like to help people and it’s super hard to do right now.

My handsome hubby is kicking so much ass at his job right now. It helps that he is kind of the single point of failure and that much seems to have become clear to his boss at last. He’s finally getting some real recognition for what he does. He’s working so much it’s crazy. He’s exhausted. Now he’s talking about running a virtual RPG for the kids at my library… to make me look good. What did I ever do to deserve this amazing, wonderful guy? Seriously.

I pulled together some little prizes and got the word out as best I could about the next round of my “would you rather” card design contest. We’ll see if I can rustle up a few more entries this time. I’ve been brainstorming ideas, going to webinars about virtual programming, checking out other libraries to see what others are putting out there for teens. There isn’t a whole lot in our area. I think if I hit upon a good idea I will get a decent response.

Prizes I scrounged up from my stash of hidden wonders. I hope they will interest enough of the teens.

How much longer are things going to stay this way? No idea, no one can know, there is no safe day to come out of this that we can just pick. It sucks. I’m hearing that rural areas are starting to see spikes in covid 19 cases in the states without shelter in place orders. That’s scary. Services are thin in places like that and it is going to SUCK for those who get this thing. I just want to escape all the time now, just live in video games or whatever, I can’t, but I want to. I want to go hide in Ferelden where I can vent my anxiety on darkspawn and hang out with Alistair and let him tell me I’m pretty even when I’m covered in gore or I just slaughtered like 11 bandits or something. Or I could go hide in Skyrim and hunt down vampires, dragons, and giant spiders, while scraping up gold to make a pretty cool house out in the woods and adopting random orphans and pets. Mostly I actually just go coal mining and building in Minecraft. I breed vast flocks of chickens and run around dyeing sheep in a rainbow of hues so I can call them Pride Flock.

I watched a girl use boxed mac & cheese to make 3 different dishes and now I need ingredients so I can try out her recipes. I miss going to the store and picking out the things I wanted and needed. I like wandering the aisles and picking and choosing and comparing prices. I ordered a new journal today because my current one is almost full and I am relying heavily on it to keep track of all my classes and webinars and tracking my work etc. It was painful to have to choose one without handling 20 -40 and weighing my options when I could clearly see what my options actually are. I ordered one and I hope it’s the right size, with decent paper and all that. I mean, obviously I can make-do with whatever comes and it is the very definition of a first world problem. Gods, I must be so freaking spoiled. Honestly, there are people out there dying, people out there risking their lives trying to save lives, there are people who have real actual problems. I don’t mean to sound like I think my “problems” are such a big deal, I know they aren’t. I just miss the good parts of the way things were just a few weeks ago.

Time for me to get back to laundry, meal prep, cleaning, and knitting. How are you all handling the stress of confinement? How are things going for you and yours?

Day, like, 38ish of Isolation

So, life continues, quarantine continues, the virus seems to be spreading slower so that’s good. Now we just need to stay inside for a really long time and try to keep everything from spiraling out of control again.

Keeping Busy: I’ve been working hard in online classes relating to my work. I’m learning so much about how I should have been doing my job all along making my anxiety PEAK but keeping me humble. We’ve been gaming. I started my GURPS game and my hubby continues to run Pathfinder. We’ve had a couple of Cards Against Humanity games online with friends and my husband is playing Axis & Allies online with his brother who’s quarantined hundreds of miles from us.

Family keeps being family: my mother continues to drive me nuts asking “when do you think you’ll go back to normal?” “Has hubby gone back to work yet?” Mom, WTF? On the first question: How the heck do I know when things will be anything like normal again??? And what is with the phrasing? Like this is some weird thing I’m doing… I just decided to stay inside for unknown reasons that affect only me or my family somehow? (OK Boomer.) Is she not getting what’s going on? Is she not staying inside too? I think she is because she claims to be going mad stuck with her husband playing scrabble and monopoly and making jigsaw puzzles. She’s baking up a storm too. She made herself 3 cakes for her birthday. I don’t know what that’s about if she isn’t giving them away or having people over or something. On the second question: What part of “Hubby doesn’t plan to leave the house till, conservatively September or later.” sounds like he might have gone back to work since our conversation 2 day ago? And was I unclear the dozen times I said “This virus will KILL him with his horrific asthma.”?

ART. I need to Art. I need to create. I want to knit, paint, I’ve been writing a little, I want to sew too, not that I’m good at it but I like making things. I need to get back on track with my Knitting through the Harry Potter knitting book at the very least.

Reconnection: I am connecting with friends more the last couple of weeks. We’re gaming online, holding virtual dinners together, skyping or whatever to see each other’s kids or pets. I connected with an amazing artist friend of mine just in time to get to buy her fantastic embroidered portrait of a plague doctor. Wow wow wow. It’s GORGEOUS. I think you can see more of her work by searching for “Tapestry of the Geek” on facebook and Etsy.

Her amazing embroidery makes my heart sing.

Work from Home

So many people are now working from home it’s astonishing. Most of what I’m hearing suggests that it’s working really well for people and a good deal for their employers because, despite fears of employees goofing off and very real distractions, people are finding they are more productive this way. I am dead-sure there are exceptions, total layabouts bilking bosses somewhere, but I haven’t heard from any of them. I’m getting tons done at home and my husband is accomplishing so much it’s absolutely staggering. Working from home seems to have revealed his super-powers. He’s amazing.

I normally work in a library serving the public face to face and running programming for teens and tweens. It’s fun. I help people find books, dvds, audiobooks, and the like, run craft workshops, host role-playing games, help folks with technology, order books for the collection, and so on. Now I’m working from home and not seeing anyone face to face at all. I’m taking webinars on how libraries can serve the public through this pandemic crisis, concocting ways to run some teen programs over the web, sending emails to the groups I run trying to check in with all the isolated, learning from home kids I’ve come to know and love, and I continue to work on Summer Reading hoping at least some of it will happen somehow. Will we be back working at the library by then? I don’t know. I do know I have ideas on how to run at least some of the programs I have planned through email, posts, or online chat platforms. Oh, and I order ebooks now! My boss used to handle it because it was a tiny little bit but now it’s half the budget.

So I broke down and got an ereader, got a Nook from Barnes and Noble. I’ve downloaded a couple of books onto it and I’m hoping I can sort out getting Libby/Overdrive onto it. That’s the library app where you can check out virtual books and it’s really cool. I have it on my phone but my phone is tiny, plus I want to learn how to do it so I can help patrons figure it out. I bought Serpent of Venice; by Christopher Moore. The first few pages are great. ^_^

Oh, and I won a physical book on goodreads.com an awesome site for readers. There are a lot of contests to win free books, I think I’ve won 3 or 4 over the years and it’s lovely. You can track your reading there if you like, stock a virtual bookshelf with books you own, books you’ve read, or books you want to read. You can post and read reviews and sometimes chat with authors. Yes, I am a huge book nerd.

this is the book I “won” in a free drawing. Can’t wait to read it.

How are you all staying sane while confined at home? Let me know in the comments.

Day by Day

We all check emails for work and school, attend virtual meetings, and work on anything we’re assigned.

What is your daily life like? How has it changed? How are you and yours coping?

We’re doing ok here so far.

Our alarms still go off every morning, though they are now set for 7am rather than 6, and one of us gets up and gets breakfast for the 2 of us. (1/2 a bagel and a cup of tea, hummus and Earl Grey for him, cream cheese and Yorkshire Gold w/milk for me) We shower or don’t. Sometimes we sort of get dressed, mostly we wear PJ pants and T shirts, bathrobes are the new sweaters. We get the boy up and tell him to walk the dog and get ready for school. He considers ‘ready for school’ to mean; out of bed and slightly finger combing the wild tangle of full-on muppet hair he’s sporting and shrugging. The girls get up and K feeds the birds, I does dishes, they take turns with the video games, do chores, chat or game online with friends. T, the boy, gets into the mix when he’s done with classes.

Breakfast and lunch are usually forage for yourself kind of affairs but sometimes I make pancakes for breakfast or whip up a pot of homemade soup for lunch and we all eat together. Dinner is always as a family and I’m struggling to keep any kind of variety going. I thought I was prepared for this, and I did do my best, but varied is not exactly what I’d call our diet. Pasta and rice are the base of nearly every dinner and just NOW I find out my son hates rice. He hadn’t ever complained about it to me, my daughter let it slip a few days ago and my son was clearly deeply frustrated that she had. Sweet of him to want to pretend. How many ways can I find to make pasta seem different? We’ve had mac & cheese, pasta with marinara for everyone else and some weird tomatoless sauce for me, noodles with cheese and butter, there were meatballs once, we had cheese ravioli early on, … I could make a tunafish casserole maybe, if I can get some milk. Ok, this is a little depressing.

SO, on to the good news! I’ve been seeing some good stories emerging from the chaos so I’m going to post some links in case you need something positive to think about.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/25/politics/coronavirus-national-cathedral-donates-masks-trnd/index.html https://www.cnn.com/videos/style/2020/03/26/fashion-designer-christian-siriano-coronavirus-mask-support-bts-cpt-vpx.cnn/video/playlists/coronavirus/

And here’s a message from The Doctor to all of us who are worried here on Earth. https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/25/entertainment/jodie-whittaker-doctor-who-coronavirus-trnd/index.html

Living the New Normal

As of today we are under further restrictions here. The governor asked everyone to shelter in place. He didn’t make it an order but I cannot tell you why not. We have got to all stay home as much as possibly possible to try to contain this thing and keep it from destroying our entire health care system. I mean, the health care might suck here but imagine if it was GONE. I have no idea what that would be like and I am trying my hardest NOT to imagine it.

I buckled down today and made and printed up lists of chores/expectations for each other offspring and made a chart of the week showing what each of us has on our schedules, (classes, work from home, skype therapy etc) plus suggested evening family activities. I posted it all on the fridge and put in in a binder along with any special rules and suggestions for life here during the quarantine. (Don’t open the door to people, never flush sanitizing wipes even if you wiped down the toilet with one, suggestions for exercise, etc.) The binder now sits on a side table in the dining room so everyone can check it if they want to. Having 3 autistic kids means I need to create some kind of schedule and specific expectations, as well as outlining procedures they can follow if they get overwhelmed. I put some camp furniture and an airbed in the empty apartment along with a tv and dvd player so anyone can go down there and be alone for a bit if they get overwhelmed or annoyed. I think we’ll add an old game system and some light refreshments and other small comforts. There’s a full bath too so long breaks will work well if any of them needs one. Or if the hubby and I need one!

My boss asked for an accounting of what work I’ve done from home and when and in trying to put that together for her I realized my little notes to myself SUCKED and were completely disorganized. I came up with a new system for tracking my activities for her that will work much better. Bullet Journal to the rescue! (again) If you’re having trouble staving off the chaos during confinement, or anytime really, I highly recommend bullet journaling. It’s simple and completely adaptable to whatever your needs are and you change it up in an instant absolutely whenever you need to. There are some great books on it, the original is by Ryder Carroll: The Bullet Journal Method, and that’s where I started. My current favorite book about it is Dot Journaling; a Practical Guide; by Rachel Wilkerson Miller. It’s very visual and a lot less intimidating than some of the information out there, less overwhelming and more reassuring. I’m using one of her examples of a “daily spread” to track my work from home activities.

Thursday marks 23 years of togetherness (not marriage we’ve only been married 16 1/2 years) for my husband and I. He asked me a month ago what I wanted to do to celebrate, we celebrate everything like goofballs, and I said I didn’t know. Maybe dinner and a movie? I think we had a movie in mind but I can’t remember which one was supposed to come out around now and we probably would have gone out for Indian food as it’s a heavy favorite with us. Our options have narrowed a touch, what with the isolation and all, so we’re going to stay home, watch a movie on Netflix or something, and eat whatever I come up with for dinner that night. Neither one of us even had the chance to buy a small gift for the other. I probably have a card stashed somewhere if I can find it. We also didn’t remember, what with the state of the world and all, to order anything in time. I told him to look over the offerings on STEAM and order a cool game but I don’t think he’s going to. He’s busier working from home than he was working at the office. It’s ridiculous. I’m really proud of him though, he is kicking ass getting everything together for distance learning for when the kids “return to school” next week. Everything depends on him. I know he’s stressed but once everything is up and running, and the staff and kids get trained in it, I think he’ll be able to scale back and take a small breather.

Surreal Still-life

We’re in a holding pattern, caught in suspended animation, life feels like the gods have pressed some cosmic pause button. My family has been stuck at home, like many others around the world, for some time. My husband got ill over 2 weeks ago and hasn’t had any in person contact with anyone outside our little family since. I’ve been inside since shortly after that. Our son had his wisdom teeth out on March 9th and hasn’t been out since then. We asked our daughters, both in their 20s to stay home as of last Thursday. One is a month or 2 away from her degree and the other lost her job of a year and 1/2. Insane, right? With my husband’s severe asthma, and the fact that he doesn’t seem to have corvid19, we felt we had no other choice.

So now were all here counting off the days till we can relax a little if my husband hasn’t become seriously ill. My husband spends most of most days working from home. He’s doing more work than he ever did at the office, tons more. He’s head of IT at a boarding school and is pretty much solely responsible for getting them set up for distance teaching/learning. I’m absolutely amazed at what he’s managing to accomplish. I am also working at home, much, much less than he is, my job is only part time and greatly depends on dealing with the public but I am doing what I can. I am working on getting ready for Summer Reading, with a fairy tale theme this year, in the hopes that there will be a summer reading program at all. There is plenty to do there but it’s all very nebulous and possibly pointless. I’m thinking of making a specific summer reading blog that the teens could access for craft ideas, a virtual book club, maybe a fairy tale movie club… just in case the world isn’t back to normal by July. Our son’s school is figuring out how to manage distance learning so he has some classes, middle daughter is on spring break which is extended to 2 weeks but we’ve no idea what the community college is going to do after that. Eldest is just out of a job and spending time doing chores, hanging out online with out of state friends, etc.

Living in each other’s pockets is stressful. I am finding out that I really am an introvert. I have no time alone and it’s exhausting. I love all the people I live with, thank the gods, so a lot of this togetherness is good and fun. Everyone is pitching in to keep things clean, everyone is cutting everyone else as much slack as possible knowing this confinement could last months. People are binging shows, both solo and in groups, playing video games, reading, painting, playing board games, chatting with friends, playing with pets. I wish we were musical though. I wish we all played instruments. That just seems like such a cool thing to be able to do right now. Regretting my life choices I guess, not too seriously, I mean I own a ukulele and you tube exists so I could theoretically learn to play now.

The future is such a question mark right now I don’t know what to plan for. We’re doing ok at the moment but… when will I get back to work? The last email I had from my boss she said she was preparing for everyone to work from home very soon. The library is closed to the public but everyone else is still working on site. They are helping patrons over the phone with all the virtual stuff they can access, working on projects, handling curbside pick-up of materials, and quarantining and sanitizing all returning items. I guess all that’s expected to end soon. It’s so surreal. Will my daughter get her degree? Will my other daughter be able to find employment any time soon? Will my son’s junior year end remotely? Will his senior year be all distance learning?

At least we’re together. As stressful as it is having so much time together, it’s also good, I know they are all here and as safe as they can be. I can walk a very short distance, don’t even have to put on shoes or change out of my pajamas, and I can look at them, speak to them, and know they are fine at that moment. It’s a great comfort.

I think I am going to try to post more often for a while, see if I can capture what daily life in isolation is like and post some tips for how to manage for anyone who might be struggling more than I am. I have ideas for how to cope after spending many years of my adult life in poverty. Also I have a great imagination and can’t help but think about worst case scenarios, you know, like running out of toilet paper. I’ll think about how to organize my ideas and post again soon. Stay safe and well, everyone, do what you can, and keep breathing.

Explanation…

By way of explanation. My husband has been asked by his doctor to self-quarantine because he works at a school with students from all over the world, is ill with a very bad cough, and it’s possible he might have been exposed to the latest corona virus because parents of some students came to campus to pick up their kids.

My husband also has very, very bad asthma. He’s been ill for over a week and isn’t getting better. The doc just started him on updraft treatments 3xs/day which seems to be helping. They said to keep the kids in school and the eldest and I were allowed to work… which seems crazy and wrong and a great way to spread whatever Hubby has. (though I do not think he has the corona virus, his symptoms just don’t add up to that. Thank the gods.) I am letting my boss decide when she wants me to come in. So far she’s opted to have my shifts covered.

I have been out to the grocery store with full hand sanitizing and staying away from people and they are starting to run out of certain things. I was able to get sanitizing wipes and bleach but they are 100% out of rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, witch hazel, hand sanitizer, and so on. I got some of the last wipes. They are low on a lot of things but food can be had aplenty in our area still. I’ve been hearing that Costcos nearby are out of near everything, I’ve heard of people not able to get inside them to shop, schools are talking about, and in some cases preparing to, go into online learning mode. My kid’s schools are discussing these things though there are no known cases in our county yet.

We’re ok, I hope you and yours are too!