3 Ring Circus

Though it often feels to me as if we lead boring lives in which very little happens the reality is a little different. Here is our year so far:

January: Happy New Year! First few days I see at least a dozen memes on FB about how right around every year “20” there is a terrible plague. heh, cute. Coincidentally, we start hearing that there’s something going on with a virus in China. Within a short time we’re still hearing everything is under control with the virus, but we’re seeing images of people in hazmat suits disinfecting the streets and the first city or province gets shut down. I begin stocking the house up a little more than usual; extra pasta, meat for the freezer, beans, rice, etc. (I always keep a good supply of food etc on hand in case of emergencies. I just increase our stores a little, fill in gaps.) Our tenant lets us know she is moving out and can’t pay February’s rent, we remind her she already paid when she moved in so, no worries. She tells us she is pregnant and moving in with her boyfriend.

February: I continue buying extra and stocking up, the news out of China isn’t good, the virus has spread to other countries, it is inevitable it will come here. I begin to get nervous about our son’s upcoming wisdom tooth extraction. It’s supposed to happen in March, he’s in pain, he needs it, but we’re starting to get a little nervous about going out in public, we’re wondering if we actually are going to have to isolate ourselves at home to stay safe. As the numbers everywhere start racking up, we wonder When do we pull the trigger? how do we decide it’s time to stay home? I get sick, it seems to be the flu, Tamiflu puts me right. We wonder how we will deal with the loss of rental income as we have no intention of looking for a new tenant as this virus continues to spread.

March: The boy has his wisdom teeth out, all goes well, yay. My husband gets ill, really ill, the doctor won’t see him. They prescribe over the phone, he takes breathing treatments 3 times a day, he takes pills. I worry. The doctors say they are assuming he is Covid-19 positive. My boss tells me not to come in. Our daughter works at a pharmacy and they aren’t taking precautions, she quits. Schools close. We are all home now. We don’t go out. We clean, we cook, we play video games and catch up on our reading. I worry about my husband, he’s exhausted. I begin working from home as best I can. My husband’s work won’t wait, they text and call, he begins working remotely through coughing fits. It’s unreal. He’s starting to feel better! His work hours keep expanding. We’re lucky, we both still have jobs, many don’t.

April: We mail our tax stuff in. We keep working. There’s hardly any traffic going by. I cook, a LOT, I start baking again. My husband is doing better, still coughing, but better. We start gaming more, lots of RPGs are started or picked back up where we’d left off. Isolation isn’t so bad. We meet online with friends to play Cards Against Humanity. We get groceries delivered! Huzzah! We’re using the empty apartment as a work space/art space/extra video game space. I turn the shed into an art studio/space to get away from the kids with my hubby.

May: Everything is still weird. We’re working from home, gaming online, getting groceries delivered, etc. This is the month we start to hear that people at only a small remove from us have gotten Covid-19, friends of friends… it’s scary. My husband’s aunt gets it, some of our friends get it. We stay home. We try not be paranoid about it, but we are not going to get this damn thing. The list of symptoms keeps growing, the ages and health condition of people getting this and suffering horribly from it keeps expanding.

June: We celebrate our son’s 18th birthday at home with cake and few presents we’ve gotten him online. It’s low key. We play an RPG, eat pizza and drink root beer. We finally begin to feel the sting of not seeing our friends and family in person. We keep working remotely. Our lives have something of a rhythm now, the kids are learning remotely. Our daughter gets her associate’s degree, our son passes all his 11th grade classes. My boss starts talking about the library reopening. Eventually I hear we will be back in the building in July. I am not happy about this, I don’t feel ready, I worry we will reopen to the public too fast.

July: I go back to work. It’s surreal working in an empty library. We do curbside pick up and delivery now. I devise and assemble take home crafts. Our budget is slashed way down but we all still have our jobs. I buy a few books for the collection. We struggle to keep up with cleaning all the books and other materials after their 3 day quarantine in the Community Room. Everything is confusing and different. Everyone is overwhelmed. We start feeling pressure from some people to loosen up our restrictions, to visit, to have lunch outside and “socially distanced.” My husband gets pressure from his job: What would make him feel safe so he can return to campus? Nothing, he tells them, honestly nothing. It’s an international boarding school and we’ve been hearing how many more enquiries they are getting from Texas, California, and Florida… You don’t say? How shocking that the uber-wealthy living in states where the virus is completely out of control want to send their kids to the relative safety of our neck of the woods! We promise we are 100% shocked by this. My uncle is diagnosed with cancer…

August: My husband continues to work from home, he digs in his heels, he is high risk. We get a note from his Dr. stating he is high risk for this virus and must be allowed to work remotely. The school continues to pressure him, suggests more isolated offices but when he starts to say that one in particular might actually work they say; ‘oh, you can’t have that one. A person that won’t even be teaching needs to use that room to write their book… ” because the huge free house they have all to themselves … doesn’t have room? As happens from time to time, my husband is contacted by a headhunter. Would he like to work in the field he just got a degree for? My husband starts seriously contemplating leaving this job. My uncle is rushed to the hospital and dies 2 days later on his daughter’s birthday. My husband is interviewed for a very cool job. He gets a second interview. We contemplate what life would be like if he actually liked/loved his job. We get the apartment ready so a friend can move in. We talk about having less money with the new job. We talk about how much notice he ought to give if he is offered this new job. I see a glimpse of a less stressed-out version of my husband.

September: Today, the first of the month, my husband’s assistant quits. He does not want to go onto campus either. He will work the next 2 weeks if he can do so remotely. Unfortunately, he was supposed to be the boots on the ground so that doesn’t help at all. How does one hire someone during a pandemic? How does one train someone remotely? We’re not sure. We are about to find out. We hope very much to receive an offer from the company my husband has been interviewed by because what is going to happen to the school is going to be an absolute shit-show. OMG. FUBAR. Our friend/new tenant is moving in today! The apartment is clean and shiny, the weather is good, I can’t wait. I know we can’t hang out like we want to but she’ll be here and we can sit outside and talk maybe? ^_^ Our son starts his senior year next week. My library may open at the end of the month and I have mixed feelings about that. I’m still worried about the virus numbers spiking a few weeks after school resumes.

And that’s pretty much our year so far. (Banner credit: “circus” by fsse8info is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0)

I am Not OK Right Now

Well, it looks like we have a date to start allowing patrons into the library. It isn’t 100% firm but it’s the first time a date has been floated. August 1st, just a few weeks away. My only hope is that the rising tide of cases, and they are already on the rise, will kill this horrible plan.

My son’s school is saying they will be open in some hybrid fashion, having half the students attend at a time. What an utterly FUBAR situation. It will a hellscape of chaos for working parents for sure and I’ve been to the school, seen their narrow halls and small classrooms, there is no way, even with half the kids, that they can maintain social distance. And who is doing all the endless extra sanitizing? The overworked teachers? With what money will they pay for extra janitorial hours? Oh, or will they task the kids with cleaning? That will go well! Again, my only hope, for not having to switch my son to a virtual school, is that they come to their damn senses because of the increasing cases.

This was in my feed yesterday from a poster called Zac Bears “Massachusetts is approaching an “R” of 1 for the coronavirus, meaning exponential community spread will restart! Wear a mask, stay within your bubble, and take all precautions. We aren’t immune from irresponsibility in other states!” And here is a link to what that means: https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/05/covid-19-what-is-the-r-number/ My MIL is in Florida and the hospitals are just about at capacity with this nightmare. We joke with her; “don’t get sick! don’t get hurt!” But it isn’t a joke at all. The worst thing that could happen to her is anything that would cause her to need to go to a hospital.

My work is asking us to self-monitor for Covid symptoms and not come in if we have any… completely ignoring the vast numbers of asymptomatic carriers who can spread this thing. I am disheartened, I am depressed, I am stressed out as much as I can stand to be. And I am being asked: “What concrete steps can we take that would make you feel safe at work?” I don’t have an answer that keeps the library open. I think we should all be in lockdown, at home except for essential trips for food, medicine and the like. I think that is the only way we contain this. I think it is the only path to safety. I don’t want to go out in public, too many people refuse to wear masks, it isn’t safe. And now we have the CDC changing their guidelines because of the temper tantrums coming out of the WH. So we can’t even trust the CDC… at a time when we desperately need trustworthy information.

I am not okay right now.

Explanation…

By way of explanation. My husband has been asked by his doctor to self-quarantine because he works at a school with students from all over the world, is ill with a very bad cough, and it’s possible he might have been exposed to the latest corona virus because parents of some students came to campus to pick up their kids.

My husband also has very, very bad asthma. He’s been ill for over a week and isn’t getting better. The doc just started him on updraft treatments 3xs/day which seems to be helping. They said to keep the kids in school and the eldest and I were allowed to work… which seems crazy and wrong and a great way to spread whatever Hubby has. (though I do not think he has the corona virus, his symptoms just don’t add up to that. Thank the gods.) I am letting my boss decide when she wants me to come in. So far she’s opted to have my shifts covered.

I have been out to the grocery store with full hand sanitizing and staying away from people and they are starting to run out of certain things. I was able to get sanitizing wipes and bleach but they are 100% out of rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, witch hazel, hand sanitizer, and so on. I got some of the last wipes. They are low on a lot of things but food can be had aplenty in our area still. I’ve been hearing that Costcos nearby are out of near everything, I’ve heard of people not able to get inside them to shop, schools are talking about, and in some cases preparing to, go into online learning mode. My kid’s schools are discussing these things though there are no known cases in our county yet.

We’re ok, I hope you and yours are too!

Serenity Now

My kid’s school drives me buggy. He used to go to this tiny little school of about 12 kids, total. It was 2 rooms and was very supportive and amazing. I credit the teachers and the school atmosphere with helping our lad come out of his shell. I miss it so much. The new place is a small high school, maybe a couple hundred kids I think, and I kind of hate it.

The new school has its good points, it really does, I know being with more kids is helping my son find his confidence, he’s making more friends, he’s getting more involved in activities, he’s figuring some important stuff out, but the people running it drive me crazy. The teachers I’ve met with seem like fine teachers, I’ve no problem with any of them so far, it’s the administrators and the secretary.

So, the minor stuff, the annoying stuff, the school sends emails, TONS of emails, most of which have nothing to do with my kid, his grade, or anything I need to concern myself with at all. The school said when we signed him up “make sure you read our emails.” Yeah, no problem, how many could they send? More than one a day! Usually 2-3 a day, most of which are long with multiple sections, loads of repetition, and are poorly organized. I started out, the first few days, reading these emails as my eyes glazed over. Yes, I get it, there’s lots of sports going on. You couldn’t get my lad to participate in or even watch a sporting event so the endless notes about this or that team are Zzzzzzz. By the end of a week I was skimming looking for “10th grade” or “All School” by the end of the first month I was skipping emails with headings I didn’t think were likely to concern my son. When I got a second job I sometimes didn’t check my email for a few days.

Anyone reading this knows I have a lot on my plate, with 2 jobs I was going a little crazy, things were slipping. It’s a little on me that I was skipping emails but when only 1 in 5 or so has any relevance it’s a little hard to force myself to read them all. With all those emails you would think parents would get plenty of notice about important, upcoming events. Sadly no. This school, that prides itself on its communication, mistakes quantity for quality. While I might know months in advance that irrelevant sports are going to sports it up, if there is a multiple over-night trip happening the school will fail to mention it until a week or 2 before and then, when parents don’t respond to those emails IMMEDIATELY because, say, it’s summer and they are away on vacation, the school sends 17 emails, in increasingly haranguing tones, over the course of 4 or 5 days. Dude, I just checked my email for the first time this week, CALM DOWN. So, I end up rushing about getting things all set, paperwork, money I’m obligated to fork over for the trip, doctors notes so my kid can have his meds on the trip, etc. and when I say ‘sorry, I don’t check my email daily, I have a lot going on in my offline life’ the secretary, who writes and sends these endless, badly written emails says, “You really need to read all the emails. Your child’s school is important.”

That’s when I go to my happy place. https://youtu.be/92i5m3tV5XY while I think to myself: “yes, his schooling is important that’s why I must not open my mouth at this moment. Breathe Tempest, just breathe. That’s it…” and I smile and nod and get out of there before I start yelling. Seriously, with all the damn emails, would it be too much to ask that they create lists for each grade at least??? Each grade, All School, just a little sorting, and anything that’s important and time sensitive could be labeled “Important” or “Overnight Trip!” My kid has some overnight, team-building, trip the second day of school and they gave us so little notice that the physical I scheduled less than a week ago for my kid has to be rescheduled. For once, I actually saw the first email the day or day after it came because I’ve been checking more since I cut back to one job and I’ve been actually using my email for work stuff, so it wasn’t me at all this time.

Also minor, the school “language.” *sigh* I hate this because it’s like some fool took a psych course once and now they are creating a bond between everyone by renaming normal things so they sound idiotic. They don’t have homerooms, they don’t have clubs, or teams or anything, they have things like squads, tributaries, branches, and so on. Last years advisor asked my kid and I in a meeting what “Stream” he wanted to be in for the spring. I can’t keep all their terms straight and I thought “fucked if I know!” and looked at the lad and said “It’s up to you, what do you want to do?” He asked her what his options were and she was shocked he didn’t know he told her he couldn’t keep the terms straight because most of them have to do with flowing water and don’t really have anything to do with the words they’re replacing. I think my face was blank, I think I managed that, but I was so proud of him in that moment. Why hadn’t I said that??? It’s true!

More seriously, the administrators have got issues, I’m not entirely sure they should be running a school. They seem confused by basic concepts and are probably the reason we get tons of useless emails a day yet fail to be informed about upcoming trips and such. The principal looks like an old, ex-hippie, which is cool, I don’t think he was though because he has no idea what protest actually involves. After another school shooting last year, not at this school but somewhere in the US, protests were being planned by kids across the country to try to get us adults off our asses and get up and demand that the government at least make it more difficult for people to slaughter them while they attend classes. Loads of kids from this school decided they wanted to be part of that, obviously, not getting killed is JOB ONE for a living organism, so they started organizing a walk out to the nearby town where they would then stand for an hour or two on the town common with signs like “My parents shouldn’t have to use my college fund to BURY ME.” and “I just want to go to school not Die.” When the principal heard about this he sent out an email the gist of which was ‘Your kids want to protest gun violence and our school totally supports that, but we can’t have school disrupted by it so we’re offering to let them protest in the school parking lot for 15 minutes tomorrow morning instead of doing the walk out they’ve planned. Students participating in the parking lot protest will receive a 1 day, in school suspension and students who walk out will receive a 2 day off-campus suspension.” ??? WTF? First, none of that is “totally supports”, second protest needs to disrupt or it is nothing but sign waving, Getting shot and maybe dying is very disruptive to one’s education so I think a few hours protest is damned bargain. And third, what the hell? Punishing the kids who take part in the alternative protest YOU SUGGEST, really??? And what kid in their right mind is going to choose in school suspension over off campus. Get it together.

School starts in a week and a half and I’m already kind of ticked off. Back to my meditation!

The World is Full of Death & Horror

I don’t remember hearing about mass shootings when I was a kid. Ok, I remember people talking about Kent State and maybe some guy in a bell tower which I think were both kind of ancient history. (to me, as a kid) But these endless mass shootings, at schools, malls, walmarts, churches, fast food places… this wasn’t happening.

We had problems, sure, I remember some tylenol getting poisoned, we had drugs in schools, AIDS was hitting when I was near to graduating… plenty of issues. But I wasn’t afraid to go to school. I wasn’t thinking; “what if I get shot at my school today and DIE?” I’ve got a kid in college and a kid in high school now and I am legit considering buying shit I cannot afford because I am afraid my kids could get SHOT when their big worries should be homework, tests, and if some boy or girl likes them or not. https://wonderhoodie.com/products/bullet-proof-hoodie?variant=13837980827703

Yeah, I have miraculously avoided carrying any credit card debt but I’m considering starting to to afford bullet proof clothing, backpacks, I don’t know… maybe body guards? The world, or parts of it, or whatever, is just so frightening now. I’m hearing all kinds of …rumors? I guess that’s the right word, to avoid large gatherings, weirdly especially walmarts were mentioned which is nutty because that crappy chain is the one thoughtful people who can boycott have been boycotting for years anyway because it sucks in SO MANY WAYS, but apparently is also a massive receiver of EBT purchases and that and these horrible shooters are what? targeting the poor???

It’s too much for me these days. I find myself staying off social media because it’s full of people who don’t understand basic math, science or concepts, many of whom are full of anger, hate and/or fear. I can’t take the world as it is so I go to a safer place: Minecraft. If dodging zombies and creepers becomes too much I can always set it to peaceful for a while and build and farm to my heart’s content. Honestly, I think I’m starting to treat that game like a drug. Fuck it, it’s safe there.