Well, Hello There!

It appears I’ve been away about half a year. Huh. I think I couldn’t log in for a bit and gave up this blog for lost but today I can suddenly login again so… here I am.

The pets are still all with us, late innings for Kisa, she is getting old. She had a seizure a while back but it hasn’t repeated so far. We’re hoping for another few good years with her but we’ll see how it goes. Wish some of these creatures we latch onto could live as long as we do. It’s a crushing blow when any of them dies.

So, we are all currently employed! I know, it’s been a loooong time coming. Four of us have permanent jobs, to varying degrees, and our youngest has Summer employment at least, so we’ll take it. Eldest works at a food co-op, middlest is still at the bakery, youngest is working with his dad on IT and then in the school library, my husband still runs the IT department at the same place and I am still running YA services at my little library. Those of us who’ve been employed long-term have gotten small raises, mine doesn’t even keep up with the cost of living but I’ll take it. I am lucky enough to love my job and have an excellent boss.

A book I helped illustrate as a teenager has gotten re-issued. We had a relaunch event at the library with the author and some of my fellow illustrators. I had to speak, in front of people, eek. It went well though, we even got paid again. Crazy but YAY! Money helps. Randomly my old science teacher attended the event. It was crazy to see her after so long. It’s been decades.

Yeah, I’ve always been kinda this way… hippie dippy, peace love & granola. ^_^

Lots happens in six months. Games have been played, meals have been cooked and eaten, art has been made, milestones reached, tests passed and failed, etc. Youngest went for his first permit test and didn’t make it. They got harder at some point and the questions are now super specific.

Oh! Some friends are expecting twins!!! I am so excited, probably because I am not going to have to get up with them in the middle of the night, but hey, Twins! ^_^ ^_^ Time to brush off my Auntie skills and be ready to lend a hand.

The garden is doing fairly well so far. I mean, not like last year yet but goodish. We had broccoli, strawberries, kale, and basil.. oh, and zucchini! I’m hoping the hot peppers make it, it’s not a good climate for them but our farmshare manages to grow them so I’m trying.

Not Digging Phasing Back to “Normal”

We’re easing back into the work routine, it’s going fairly well, despite one abusive patron already, during my second shift back. Keep it on the road lady, I haven’t used the system or tried to locate a book or dvd in months! Oof. I have caught up with making all the flyers I need to and am working on assembling materials for the take-home crafts, and packets of information for the contests I’ll be running and things like that. I’m learning all the new protocols, all the new procedures, etc, even as we wait to phase most of it out whenever that happens. I’m enjoying being back in the building, being among the books, getting to casually chat with a coworker, even at a distance and through our masks. I’ve got my new materials budget starting next month, it’s been slashed, but I will make do. I’ll hunt for what bargains there are to be had, solicit more donations of gently used books, etc. That’s all good. And yet I am still contemplating quitting my dream job.

I get stressed out having to go there, stressed by the extra steps we need to go through to track curbside pick up, stressed trying to talk on a phone through a mask, while the phone slips against the mask as I try to use the computer, stressed by all the cleaning, the cleaners make my skin peel, the gloves make my hands wildly sweaty and uncomfortable, I’m just very stressed by work right now and by the pace at which people are rushing to “get back to normal” without adequate time between steps to see what impact the lifting of restrictions will have on virus spread. They are just going to create a new surge of this horrible virus and we are all going to be forced to quarantine again. 😦

Stress is a big factor in my negative feelings toward working, but it isn’t the only factor. I got used to a new, softer rhythm of life, I have been able to be a better wife, better mother, better pet-mom, vastly more prolific artist, and despite all the stress of the pandemic a generally happier person in a bunch of ways. I had more time to read, more time to learn new things, I liked it. Normalcy kind of sucks. Being stressed, rushing places, having to plan dinner for my family and a stupid, sad separate dinner for myself. (usually a couple of granola bars and some water for me. bleh) Not working allowed me to reach out, online of course, and keep up with my friends more, connect in new, untried ways that have turned out to be hella cool. I feel more of a sense of community with all my friends than I did when we were all rushing out to jobs all the time, driving kids around, constantly running errands and busy, busy, busy! Not that I was idle at home, I mean now I am cause it’s a billion degrees out, but I was painting, writing, working from home, cooking a lot, reading, planning, dreaming, just living. And it was good.

We’ve been lucky, we’ve been able to continue to work from home through this nightmare, we have been getting paid when others have been laid off temporarily or permanently, lost their insurance and suffered hunger while not being able to pay their bills. We have friends who are struggling through this and it’s just so stressful. We help where we can but I wish we could do more. I want to fix all the problems and it sucks that I can’t, that I have to choose where I feel like we can make the best impact at any given time. When the virus comes roaring back and we are all forced to go back home I think it might be worse the second time around. Folks that lost jobs will probably still be out of work and how are they supposed to eat and live if our damn government doesn’t support its citizens? Doesn’t ban evictions and suspend the machinery of rent and mortgage collection and tell the greedy utilities they aren’t allowed to shut people off? If our government was more functional we would have universal health care, a strong safety net, and much else that the rest of the civilized world already has. We need to fix that!

Thursday Thoughts

My son’s birthday is coming up. He’ll be turning 18 in quarantine. I’m doing what I can, got him a few presents and they arrived and are hidden. They aren’t much but they are what I can do under the circumstances. A few books, a sweatshirt, and I got him a special quarantine birthday banner and cake topper which should get here in time. Kind of an insane indulgence really, but he’s turning 18, I want to decorate and make it as special as possible. I’ll be making a cake and hoping to be able to get some ice cream too. He wants a certain kind of pizza and getting that will just depend on whether they do curbside pick up or not. We will be playing an RPG that day as per my son’s request. I will do whatever I can to make sure the snacks are epic. I really want to try to get the lad some Virgil’s Root Beer, it’s his favorite. We’ll see if I can manage it.

We’re having warm days and cool nights lately and we’re keeping a lot of windows open. That means the cats are now obsessed with bird watching. All winter they ignored the birds, pretty much, but the birds are more active now and the cats can hear them better and smell them. So now they are glued to the windows chattering at the birds. The dog is even more vigilant about defending our borders now too. She doesn’t like people walking down the sidewalk across the street, or being out in their yards, or other dogs existing. She pretty much hates all living things, really, so she barks out the window now whenever she sees dogs or people. At least she’s started ignoring the rabbits and squirrels for the most part.

Work is starting to ramp up for me as we scramble to try and pull together some kind of activities for summer reading. I’m doing ok, it’s just weird trying to plan to do a bunch of stuff with no in person programming. I’m trying to set up virtual book clubs, take home craft activities, and put together materials for those who want to take part in the fairy tale and ghost story writing contest I’m hoping will actually happen. I’m supposed to come up with prizes somehow too. EEEEEEEK. That’s definitely a tricky bit. I think I need to go hide in a video game for a bit.

can’t stop the falling of the rain

I think a lot of people are reaching some kind of breaking point. The world has gotten weird and nothing is easy anymore. Some people are quarantining alone and I can’t quite imagine that. I haven’t really left the house, except for quick drop offs without interacting with people or entering buildings, since… the first week of March sometime. My husband and son about the same time, my daughters about a week after that. We’re introverts but this is getting to be a little much. I just want to go to a bookstore and wander the aisles and riffle the pages. But I won’t, I’ll be good, everyone is depending on each of us to do our part and stay the F home. I can do that.

I’m worried about some of my friends who are hitting the same wall I am but live alone. I know I get annoyed with the people I live with sometimes but they’re here when I need to see a person, hug a person, play a game, watch a show together, etc. I’m not sure how I’d cope all on my own. Well, I’d always have a cat, let’s be real, if I lived in my car I’d still have my kitty. But even pets are not people, they love you yeah, but they can’t play board games or speak back to you. Well, I guess some people probably have parrots or something but still. Huh, if I was alone with my cat I would probably try to invent a board game she could play with me. It would be like Calivinball the board game because cats are freaking Random. But I am rambling from stress and lack of sleep. I am worried about my friends who live alone, even those with pets, because we are humans and we are not meant to be alone, not for long periods of time like this.

Hey, friends, I LOVE YOU. You are not in this alone even though I am not there with you. If I could I would pop by in a heartbeat with cookies and tea and cuddles galore. We’re all kind of hitting a breaking point, a crisis point I think, right about now. Be gentle with yourself, practice whatever self-care you can; shower, eat, drink some water, take your meds. If you can go outside at all get a little fresh air, chat with a friend, play cards against humanity online, read a book that always makes you feel better, make some art! Bake! You are still here. We are still here. Things are weird and stressful but we do still have each other. We can’t change this situation but we can reach out and find ways to connect better so we can all make it through this.

I love you all so much.

No Turkey for Puddin’

It’s the morning after, the morning after Thanksgiving. I’m enjoying the relative peace as my son sleeps in the living room because his room is uninhabitable at the moment. The overwhelming stink of petfresh carpet deodorizer in there is so thick I fear vacuuming it once it’s dry. Yes, I gave the dog a little turkey for the holiday… NEVER AGAIN. I spent most of the morning yesterday trying to clean the carpet and the worst of the laundry. Of course my son had ignored/delayed/whatever dealing with the foot deep layer of laundry on his floor long enough for it to get caught in this disaster. Clean up has been hellish. My son tried to clean it on his own, called for help, and eventually bailed because he got ill. I know he feels bad about leaving it for me because he thanked me about 11 times for handling it. After cleaning all that I had to go to work and I have to go to work all day today so I won’t be able to vacuum and see how the floor is until tonight or tomorrow. Joy.

Thanksgiving was nice though. 8-10 hours of cooking over 2 days earned me at least 30 minutes of folks lingering around the table seriously enjoying their food. The turkey was amazing, broccoli casserole came out perfect, stuffing was awesome. My husband helped me in the kitchen all morning and did a bunch of dishes after while I drank most of a bottle of wine and put my feet up. Best husband, I win. ~_^ We listened to xmas music all day too, which I love, it was a good day.

Now I am going to drink my tea and read a bit before I shower and go to work. Have a beautiful weekend!

Things that are Good.

I’m going to write a more upbeat post this time. Looking back over my entries they have a very complainy tone and that’s a little sad because there is an awful lot of good going on in my life! So, on to talking about the things that make me want to get up in the morning.

First, I know I mentioned circumstances have put something of a strain on my marriage but it is still a really great relationship. We are both huge geeks and have had 20+ years of shockingly high compatibility. When we met we were both into LoTR, reading, and RPGs and have had a blast getting each other into new hobbies and fandoms over the years. He showed me Drizzt and Dragonlance, I showed him Doctor Who and Star Trek. We discovered Harry Potter together and GoT, and Firefly etc etc. We’ve been reveling in this amazing age where geekdom is having its day. Movies, TV shows, games, books, and merchandise galore. It’s a good time to be geeky. ^_^ We also share a great deal as far as worldview goes, where we have any differences we respect each other. We’re still crazy in love after all this time too.

Though my kids are a source of stress, and I worry about them constantly, they are also a source of joy. They are good kids, sweet, kind, generous and loving. They are funny and make me laugh and smile. Their progress, while slow, Exists, they are each moving forward and that’s not nothing. I know a few people who are not moving forward, who have basically fallen down, so to speak, and are refusing to get back up. I’m very glad and grateful that my kids are not in that position. They are also each clever and talented at various things. I’m not saying they could pay the bills with their writing, art, etc but they produce lovely things, disturbing pieces sometimes. Their art is not boring.

Our goofy pets. Our earnest, lovable mutt is our clown, confidant, protector and more. She is such a love and such a goofball. I am so happy she is part of our clan. Our 2 cats, one is the boss of everything and will slap us if we get out of line. She doesn’t like us… that’s why it’s sheer coincidence that she follows us room to room and wants to be pressed against us while we pet her. She’s not fooling anyone. Our other cat is just a big old mushy lovebug. climbs all over us, MUST be petted or she will lick you or use her paws to demonstrate how to pet. All of these little beings make me laugh and smile and want to be as awesome as they think I am.

My job. I have a job I actually love. I am so lucky. I work as a teen librarian and I absolutely love it. I manage the Young Adult book collection and run all YA programming at the library. I come up with ideas for workshops and seek out instructors as needed, I try out various activities, and so on. This summer I’m running a series of Arts & Crafts workshops as well as showing sci-fi movies and throwing little parties for the teens. We give out raffle tickets to encourage reading and then draw for prizes. I’m also running a book cover contest which may or may not result in any entries… that’s the nature of YA programming. A lot of the stuff I try might fail. Like my movie series, it’s been me and my family watching and almost no one else! But it’s all fun and it’s all a learning experience for me. I’m still quite new at it. I’ve only been working at this job for about 7 months. I met with the Teen Advisory Board last night and got to tell the kids about my ideas and get their opinions on future programs I might run. I also leave a lot of surveys out in the YA room. It’s hard to express how interesting and challenging and FUN this job is.

That’s probably enough of a sample of what is really good in my life right now. It feels nice to write about what’s going right for once. I’ll have to keep doing it.