Mostly Budget Musings

So, life has continued, time has kept flowing, while I’ve been locked out of this little blog.

We’re still in a pandemic… maybe? Is it endemic yet? I can’t keep up and I’m so fried. Does everything seem to be slipping and getting worse? All this awful hateful stuff going on in the world, from invasions/war, to attacks on LGBTQ+ and women’s rights, to all the endless shootings and mass shootings. Life is freaking stressful.

And inflation. Skyrocketing inflation in some sectors. Used car prices are freaking SHOCKING. It’s inane, and you can’t get a freaking loan for one unless your credit is perfect. Seriously, my friend is currently so screwed right now by this. And Housing. Can we talk about housing prices? House or apartment if you are hunting right now you are pretty damn screwed. There is a 600 sq. ft. apartment with 1 bed, 1 bath in my town for $950/month… that is a STEAL these days! It’s outrageous at the same time. 600 sq. ft. is very small. It is suitable only for a single person or a couple and nearly $1,000/month. wtf.

We all know gas prices are up, $5/gallon at least, it’s impacting the way my family lives. We bought our house in a rural town, about 30 minutes commute to work for all but one of us, (who can walk to work) and gas prices are just murder right now. Especially for my eldest who makes like $14/hour. (and that’s with a recent raise!!!) She probably loses around $10/day of that to gas to and from work, I mean, we ALL do but she is hardest hit. Our son rides in with my husband and husband makes decent money, I’m taking a hit for sure but not as bad as my eldest. We’ve got other struggles, of course, medical care, medicine, etc etc. Grocery prices are climbing. It all SUCKS.

So, I’ve been working on actually budgeting, something that makes me uncomfortable. Budget to me means limits, limitations that I might crash up against and feel… stifled or something. It goes against my free-spirited way of doing things. I prefer to be free-range. I haven’t laid out a lot of actual limits for specific things because for some things we’re just not in control. Like the electric bill, for example, I have to pay what they charge us. I’m working on driving down our usage instead of setting an amount. That’s what I’m doing with fuel for our cars too, just trying to minimize driving. Prescriptions are picked up on the way to or from work. Thrift shop visits, and any other shopping are also added to other trips. I am planning my routes so I hit things in logical order with no back-tracking. I couldn’t bring myself to set an amount for groceries. I’m not going to have us going hungry or anything. I have goals for the grocery bills and I’m aiming for them. I have gotten our costs down somewhat already so I guess it’s a win.

What I have set limits on, solid enforceable limits, are take-out, entertainment and gifts. I also started a fund for vacations/travel, (which we do so little that we’ve never considered tracking it) just to have it as a limit on what can be spent IF we ever get to travel anywhere. So there is an amount set for take-out (and the other things)for each month, we track that amount, it can accumulate month to month but it cannot be overdrawn. When it’s gone it’s gone and we need to deal with it. Yeah, it’s an experiment for sure, and I hope it goes well and keeps us on an even keel. I’m also keeping a list of needed items for thrift shopping/other shopping. Like work shirts for my husband and son, and the sizes and preferences, I also have a limit on what I can spend on this stuff. Credit cards are dangerous so I am not going to spend more than we can pay. So, limits, fun stuff. Hopefully it won’t make us feel deprived. Cuts have to be made.

Keeping the food budget down is tricky but doable. I’m growing a little bit of food now, we have our pre-paid farm-share to lean on June-November, and pasta and rice are pretty cheap. I am being careful with buying things like meat, nuts, and other expensive things. Cutting out junk-food is huge, of course. I’m discontinuing buying chips, soda, cookies and other junk, still keeping crackers for the moment. But we can pop some popcorn instead of chips and have homemade iced tea instead of soda. More work but less money and better for us. Win-win.

I’ve got this idea that we need to “use what we have” in a lot of areas. Like let’s play the board games, card games, video games and RPGs we already own. Let’s read the books we have and use the library for more books and movies because it’s FREE. Let’s dig into our stashes of art supplies, fiber, and recycleable bits and bobs for projects. I mean, sometimes, we might actually need to pick up an item or 2 but probably a lot, lot less than we currently do. It’s a great principle from the old Tightwad Gazette; “First, go to your stash and see what you can make from what you already have. Do not spend money if you don’t have to.” Well, that’s where we’re at right now.

3 Ring Circus

Though it often feels to me as if we lead boring lives in which very little happens the reality is a little different. Here is our year so far:

January: Happy New Year! First few days I see at least a dozen memes on FB about how right around every year “20” there is a terrible plague. heh, cute. Coincidentally, we start hearing that there’s something going on with a virus in China. Within a short time we’re still hearing everything is under control with the virus, but we’re seeing images of people in hazmat suits disinfecting the streets and the first city or province gets shut down. I begin stocking the house up a little more than usual; extra pasta, meat for the freezer, beans, rice, etc. (I always keep a good supply of food etc on hand in case of emergencies. I just increase our stores a little, fill in gaps.) Our tenant lets us know she is moving out and can’t pay February’s rent, we remind her she already paid when she moved in so, no worries. She tells us she is pregnant and moving in with her boyfriend.

February: I continue buying extra and stocking up, the news out of China isn’t good, the virus has spread to other countries, it is inevitable it will come here. I begin to get nervous about our son’s upcoming wisdom tooth extraction. It’s supposed to happen in March, he’s in pain, he needs it, but we’re starting to get a little nervous about going out in public, we’re wondering if we actually are going to have to isolate ourselves at home to stay safe. As the numbers everywhere start racking up, we wonder When do we pull the trigger? how do we decide it’s time to stay home? I get sick, it seems to be the flu, Tamiflu puts me right. We wonder how we will deal with the loss of rental income as we have no intention of looking for a new tenant as this virus continues to spread.

March: The boy has his wisdom teeth out, all goes well, yay. My husband gets ill, really ill, the doctor won’t see him. They prescribe over the phone, he takes breathing treatments 3 times a day, he takes pills. I worry. The doctors say they are assuming he is Covid-19 positive. My boss tells me not to come in. Our daughter works at a pharmacy and they aren’t taking precautions, she quits. Schools close. We are all home now. We don’t go out. We clean, we cook, we play video games and catch up on our reading. I worry about my husband, he’s exhausted. I begin working from home as best I can. My husband’s work won’t wait, they text and call, he begins working remotely through coughing fits. It’s unreal. He’s starting to feel better! His work hours keep expanding. We’re lucky, we both still have jobs, many don’t.

April: We mail our tax stuff in. We keep working. There’s hardly any traffic going by. I cook, a LOT, I start baking again. My husband is doing better, still coughing, but better. We start gaming more, lots of RPGs are started or picked back up where we’d left off. Isolation isn’t so bad. We meet online with friends to play Cards Against Humanity. We get groceries delivered! Huzzah! We’re using the empty apartment as a work space/art space/extra video game space. I turn the shed into an art studio/space to get away from the kids with my hubby.

May: Everything is still weird. We’re working from home, gaming online, getting groceries delivered, etc. This is the month we start to hear that people at only a small remove from us have gotten Covid-19, friends of friends… it’s scary. My husband’s aunt gets it, some of our friends get it. We stay home. We try not be paranoid about it, but we are not going to get this damn thing. The list of symptoms keeps growing, the ages and health condition of people getting this and suffering horribly from it keeps expanding.

June: We celebrate our son’s 18th birthday at home with cake and few presents we’ve gotten him online. It’s low key. We play an RPG, eat pizza and drink root beer. We finally begin to feel the sting of not seeing our friends and family in person. We keep working remotely. Our lives have something of a rhythm now, the kids are learning remotely. Our daughter gets her associate’s degree, our son passes all his 11th grade classes. My boss starts talking about the library reopening. Eventually I hear we will be back in the building in July. I am not happy about this, I don’t feel ready, I worry we will reopen to the public too fast.

July: I go back to work. It’s surreal working in an empty library. We do curbside pick up and delivery now. I devise and assemble take home crafts. Our budget is slashed way down but we all still have our jobs. I buy a few books for the collection. We struggle to keep up with cleaning all the books and other materials after their 3 day quarantine in the Community Room. Everything is confusing and different. Everyone is overwhelmed. We start feeling pressure from some people to loosen up our restrictions, to visit, to have lunch outside and “socially distanced.” My husband gets pressure from his job: What would make him feel safe so he can return to campus? Nothing, he tells them, honestly nothing. It’s an international boarding school and we’ve been hearing how many more enquiries they are getting from Texas, California, and Florida… You don’t say? How shocking that the uber-wealthy living in states where the virus is completely out of control want to send their kids to the relative safety of our neck of the woods! We promise we are 100% shocked by this. My uncle is diagnosed with cancer…

August: My husband continues to work from home, he digs in his heels, he is high risk. We get a note from his Dr. stating he is high risk for this virus and must be allowed to work remotely. The school continues to pressure him, suggests more isolated offices but when he starts to say that one in particular might actually work they say; ‘oh, you can’t have that one. A person that won’t even be teaching needs to use that room to write their book… ” because the huge free house they have all to themselves … doesn’t have room? As happens from time to time, my husband is contacted by a headhunter. Would he like to work in the field he just got a degree for? My husband starts seriously contemplating leaving this job. My uncle is rushed to the hospital and dies 2 days later on his daughter’s birthday. My husband is interviewed for a very cool job. He gets a second interview. We contemplate what life would be like if he actually liked/loved his job. We get the apartment ready so a friend can move in. We talk about having less money with the new job. We talk about how much notice he ought to give if he is offered this new job. I see a glimpse of a less stressed-out version of my husband.

September: Today, the first of the month, my husband’s assistant quits. He does not want to go onto campus either. He will work the next 2 weeks if he can do so remotely. Unfortunately, he was supposed to be the boots on the ground so that doesn’t help at all. How does one hire someone during a pandemic? How does one train someone remotely? We’re not sure. We are about to find out. We hope very much to receive an offer from the company my husband has been interviewed by because what is going to happen to the school is going to be an absolute shit-show. OMG. FUBAR. Our friend/new tenant is moving in today! The apartment is clean and shiny, the weather is good, I can’t wait. I know we can’t hang out like we want to but she’ll be here and we can sit outside and talk maybe? ^_^ Our son starts his senior year next week. My library may open at the end of the month and I have mixed feelings about that. I’m still worried about the virus numbers spiking a few weeks after school resumes.

And that’s pretty much our year so far. (Banner credit: “circus” by fsse8info is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0)

I have more questions… &… money stuff.

Here we are on what I can only assume, based on what it feels like, is day One Million of the apocalypse, and I find myself pondering in circles again. I have to go back to work soon and it’s already feeling way too “back to normal” for my lizard brain which is still informing me forcefully that the emergency is still going despite appearances. I am not ready, and much as I love my job, I don’t know if I ever really will be. On to some questions I can’t answer!

When will it be safe for my daughters to go find jobs again? I cannot freaking imagine.
Why am I so jumpy? I’ve barely seen anyone outside my little family in about.. 400 years (?) so how am I not calmer?
How can I still not be finding time to play board games?
How come a guy can come mow the lawn, pull some weeds and chop down a few bushes and somehow the yard is double the size it was?
How did I get such an awesome husband? Seriously, he GETS me and still wants to hang out with me. Crazy.
It isn’t 5:00 yet and the leftovers of a bottle of Pinot Grigio have me tipsy, since it’s the apocalypse this is 100% ok.. or no?
What ale is best with breakfast? asking for a friend. (it’s me)
How can I have this much anxiety???
Why is my dog so stinky? I thought they cleaned themselves like cats, no?
Why does my hippie fort calm me down so much? what the hell is up with that? I walk in and in minutes I’m a happier, calmer, way more relaxed version of me. I don’t get it. It’s like 30 yards from the house!
What am I going to make for dinner tonight? Oh yeah? What about TOMORROW????? And repeat because this one never ever ends and I don’t know WTF to do anymore. *deep breath* I’ll think of something. I am shockingly resourceful.

Money: So, just before the pandemic hit our tenant told us she was pregnant and moving out. So, I think her last month was February and the apartment has been empty since then. We charge a fairly low rent for our area, made to seem even lower because it includes everything except phone, internet, cable and that. We cover heat, electricity, and hot water. The heat and hot water are oil/steam/whatever, but none of that has gone down without a tenant, really, and yet with us not going anywhere, or ordering food in much at all, we’re making slight but noticeable gains. (???) It’s weird. But then I mention it to my husband and he’s says we haven’t been spending $240/month on gas for the cars. What the hell? I never thought about how MUCH that added up to! We have cut back quite a bit on meals out, I’d say we’re at maybe 2Xs/month (delivered) down from 1 or 2 Xs/week at about $50-$100 each thoughtless time.

Shopping: I no longer shop extreme bargains as a matter of course. I don’t shop really at all, I have no number to add to this, but I will say that ordering online makes me more thoughtful, more deliberate. I feel anxious out in public and I think it makes me rush into decisions. That may mean I was more impulsive in spending, just wanting to get it over with to get back home. I am carefully curating lists for myself for things that will actually add value to my existence that I will need to shop for, find free or whatever once some level of safety from mad viruses returns. This pandemic has shown me that I can actually comfortably do a real shopping ban and I intend to do just that, I mean, I’m sort of already in one, mostly, anyway.

Yeah, so, I need to think about what kind of goal we might set, because not having one has just left us adrift doing what seems cool at the moment, and that is just Not Cool. If we don’t get clear about what it is that we want how can we ever get it? What are your goals? What are you working towards? What do you want out of life? Feel free to answer in the comments, I am also asking myself.

Another Day in the Apocalypse

Today has been a real mixed bag.

I went to the library and was only mildly anxious, just a little lightheaded getting out of my car, walking to the doors, and using my key to get in. It felt slightly surreal, I definitely found myself with my head on a swivel watching for anyone who might suddenly round a corner and be too close. That felt a bit like a zombie movie to some small corner of my brain, made me feel more anxious, but I got inside, found my boss, and had my performance review. It was, overall, pretty excellent, so that helps. I have things to work on but that will be true until I’m in my coffin pounding on the lid in frustration at all I did not get to finish. Unless I become a vampire, then I’ll just nap and get up and get back to it. Oh yes, I have a plan ready for if I become a vampire, just like I have a plan in case of zombie apocalypse. You gotta be ready.

So, the procedures in place at work look good, reassuring, lots of masks, lots of cleaning, lots of precautions in place. Lots of distance, and no rush to let patrons back into the building. The town is determined to go slowly and safely and if we can’t be open to the public safely we won’t be open. My incredible boss also said that if I need to take a sick day I can take a sick day. Everything as usual, just inform her with as much notice as possible and no need to tell her what I am sick with. She said too stressed to come in counts. Gods, she makes me want to be my best lbrarian-self. Permission to rest makes me want to try harder.

Good news/Bad news: On top of my locker I found a bunch of paystubs. I arranged for direct deposit before the shutdown so it’s just a bunch of papers for my records… or so I thought. It seems my direct deposit didn’t go through, they are all actual checks! So, neato, we have more money than we thought we did because we can deposit all these, but bummer because totalling them up has revealed to me how little I actually bring home every quarter. Yeah, I am not contributing as much as it felt like I was, not monetarily anyway. *sigh*

I went to hang out in my art studio/hippie fort and finally made the call that I am wildly uncomfortable with the height of the huge inflatable mattress in the loft so now I have to return it. It’s so high it’s made the loft claustrophobic for me and the cord doesn’t reach the outlet once it’s inflated. Highly inconvenient and makes me not want to hang about out there and write/paint/etc. Very sad. Now we can’t sleep out there until we can get a replacement…. again. I’m finding less mice in the traps, yay, but the one’s I’m finding have been partially eaten by ants and other mice: Disgusting. So so icky. Also, I didn’t know there were ants out there so bummer on that. On a happier note I brought some audiobooks and more music out there so when it feels more hospitable again I am going to be loving it out there. ^_^ Another plus is that a replacement inflatable mattress will be cheaper than the crazy-sized one we have now. YAY! I love spending less on what I actually want!

It’s cooler now, I should make dinner.

We need to be grown ups and we need real Leadership.

We’re bombarded by news from all sides all the time. When I was a kid news was non-alarmist. It was actually neutral. You could turn on the news and the reporters would make their report without drawing many, or any, conclusions. They generally didn’t takes sides, didn’t use sarcasm or other ploys to undercut one side of an issue or the other, and just reported facts as they understood them. There were weather segments, sports segments, human interest stories, reports on political things, like bills going through the house or senate, reports on campaigns and such, but it was all handled in a pretty grown-up way, neutral. If a big-ass storm was coming they said so, looked at projections and passed along whatever warnings or advisories were coming through official sources. Somewhere along the line ratings became the all important thing, I suspect capitalism is behind it, rich men bought news stations and wanted to get more and more money, maybe there were shareholders who wanted the same thing.

So now we come to today and the news cycle is 24/7 and everyone from everywhere is desperate for ratings and we have the insanity of alarmist headlines, misleading BS being shoveled day and night. We stress out about threats both real and imagined. Everyone is so overwhelmed and confused that they don’t know what to believe. We’ve all heard weird conflicting stories that something like Kale, or milk, or toothpaste, causes cancer and then we’ll hear down the road that it actually prevents cancer, or that yoga will both cause and prevent migraines. Then we get walloped with a global pandemic. Actual medical experts are telling us to stay away from each other because symptomless people can spread this, and this virus is a BEAST. Covid-19 is an insidious, treacherous, murderous, monster of a virus. Some people have it and don’t get sick, that is, they don’t develop a fever, cough, shortness of breath, and don’t wind up on a ventilator fighting for their lives. Or they have a super mild case, hardly felt a thing. But, well, a few things:

This thing is Contagious. Really quite contagious, and there are people who get it, suffer almost unimaginably, suffer it all essentially alone, and DIE.
Some of the people who don’t get sick initially are suffering a massively aggressive clotting condition that is causing murderous strokes in people way younger than usually get them, needing amputations because of these clots.
Some of those symptomless people, as well as people who manage to survive through a near fatal bout of it, go on to suffer organ failure, heart attacks, and so on.
Some of the people dying of this are children. Seemingly healthy children who might have some symptoms, but not alarming ones, who develop a terrifying syndrome involving inflammation of or around their vital organs. Some of these kids are dying.

When we are being asked to stay home, it isn’t about our “freedom” it isn’t about that at all, it’s about public health and safety. If you are a parent, caretaker of children, other people, pets, or even plants, please imagine there is a viable threat to that being or beings that you care about. Let’s imagine this theoretical threat is something outside and that the best and safest thing to do is to stay inside the house until the threat is over. There is some toxin in the air, do you leave your kids out playing in the yard? Do you leave your dog outside in their run? It’s a plant devouring insect swarm, do you leave plants in pots out on the unenclosed porch? No, because you are not a monster. So you bring the kids inside despite the fact that they want to stay outside. Are you “restricting their freedom?” Technically, by definition, but what a wrong-headed way to frame the situation. You are saving their lives. You are “restricting their freedom” as much as a lifeguard restricts someone’s freedom to drown while being dragged out to sea by the undertow.

We really all need to look at this whole situation like grown ups. We are adults, hopefully compassionate, empathetic adults, so that we can see that even if we might not feel under direct threat from this virus, even if we imagine our immune system would kick Covid-19’s scrawny ass, we understand that there are a lot of people who aren’t that lucky. There are people with conditions that suppress their immune systems, are obese, elderly, have lung issues, or are otherwise vulnerable to this thing cannot afford to get this. We need to protect them by curtailing our behavior. I know there are people, loads and loads of people who have lost their jobs because of this shut down. They are in trouble now, they are suffering and it is very, very real, but the answer is not reopening the country. Because we are here right now, with the infection rate still climbing, we cannot go out and mingle, that will just cause another massive spike and another shutdown of everything. Not to mention all the suffering and dying it will bring to many of those who get infected. We need a massive, measured, thoughtful response from our government. We need proper, comprehensive support for all who have lost jobs, we need proper support and protection for medical professionals, PPE, we need housing protection for all who can’t pay mortgages and rent, we need food distribution so people are not going hungry, and on and on. To those who immediately want to say: “How will we pay for it? Seriously? HOW? Do you know how much money that is????” I want you to think about the word “Emergency.”

When there is an emergency, you do what you have to do to get through it, and you worry about how much it costs after the emergency has passed. Think about a bad accident. Someone is badly injured, losing blood, you go to the ER and worry about how that gets paid for later. The most important thing is to preserve life, stop the bleeding, repair the damage. You deal with the cost later because it is an Emergency. A less immediate example, my husband and I saw this pandemic coming. That is, we started hearing about this weird virus in Wuhan in January and we thought of the H1N1 flu, SARS, etc. As we started to hear it was spreading we thought, huh, I wonder if China will be able to contain this? What if it starts spreading to other countries? As we started to hear it was “all under control” but saw China quarantining cities, provinces etc, quick-building 1,000 bed hospitals, sending folks in HASMAT gear to disinfect the streets… we started to think this virus was definitely going to spread, that is was quite dangerous, and that my husband is pretty vulnerable to it. In case this became an emergency I more than doubled my grocery budget. This is not something we could afford. It ate away at our savings quite quickly and that made me feel uneasy, of course, but I told myself if we ended up sticking things out at home I’d be glad I’d done it. If the virus hadn’t come here then we could always just eat the food, use the daily supplies, and cut our food budget in the future as we did so. Our government should be bending over backwards to protect the lives of its citizens. Our lives should be the first priority and money should be something we worry about later. Yep, the bill will come due and we will have to deal with it, but the alternative is utterly unthinkable.

More & Less

I want to change my life. This isn’t about being fed up with staying home, disinfecting my groceries, never seeing people in person unless I live with them, etc. Hopefully things will get better in those ways if we can all just not make things worse for a while and amazing scientists can create a super good vaccine. I mean I want to change my day to day life, the way I live, the way I spend my time. I also would love to save money, because we have dreams, we want to travel and see the world someday… when people can do that sort of thing again.

See, I don’t think it’s possible to calculate how much time I’ve wasted watching T.V., playing solo video games, screwing around on the computer, and so forth. It’s an unknown quantity, but it’s BIG. Binge watching is my default. If one show is good 8 in a row is better. I’m not saying these activities are utterly without value, not at all, just… when they become too big for their britches, well, what do you end up with? What are you left with in the end? Nothing. And it’s worse than that because, if these activities take over, you’ve LOST something that can never be replaced: Time. Our lives are made of time but we can never make any more of it. I heard this somewhere recently but it’s escaping me now: “We can’t make time, we can only take time.” It is the most finite of resources and we sell it away so we can eat and be warm and safe and, crazily, we “kill” it, whiling away hours on top of hours in mindless or useless pursuits. And then we wonder, sadly, regretfully, why we don’t have time for important things.

Question 1 for myself: What do I want more of in my life?

Experiences
music
baking & cooking
time with my hubby to relax, unwind, and connect
time with the kids w/ real interaction and meaning
sharing of life skills with the kids
reading
art
writing
a neat, restful, peaceful home
better health
time in nature
laughter
time with friends
Connection/Community
fun!
Enthusiasm!
LIFE!!!!

Question 2 for myself: What do I need to cut out to get more of what I want in life?

T.V. (or excessive TV, since a little bit is ok?)
Mindlessly surfing the web, playing online games etc.
video games, maybe can keep a litte? but seriously, fun as they are: what do I have when I’m done?
Less time in my room alone. (Basically accomplished by dropping 1-3)
We can and should drop at least 2 of the 4 streaming services we currently have. (how did this even happen? I mean, all together they cost less than cable would but STILL.)
Clutter/excess stuff
junk food
Take out food/eating out mindlessly.
most alcohol (ie “it’s Tuesday” is not a real reason to open a bottle of wine)
Shopping.

Shopping. Shopping is huge. It’s an activity that is just begging to be abused especially in our consumer culture. I have used shopping as a social activity when I didn’t actually need to buy anything, as a pick-me-up when I ‘m blue, (OOO, look, Bargains!) as a sport, (again, bargains, I am Awesome at it!) as a way to kill time while waiting for someone, something, some event, etc., because I deserve __________, a treat, etc. and from a feeling like I might be missing out if I don’t go. I need to appreciate all that we have and stop adding to what is already too much.

Our worst budget-offense seems to have been take out meals. I don’t know how it got that way aside from me getting burnt out because I am the only one who really knows how to cook and I get wildly sick of doing it sometimes. That and migraines, poor sleep, stress, and how damn easy it was in the days before the sickness came to just order food and go and get it. We justified it way more often than we should have. Between that and my shopping “for bargains” because I know that was more money than I would probably be willing to accept, we must have been spending a ton. Somehow, our savings is actually trending in an upwards direction despite not having the rental income from our little apartment. We are both working from home but our income has dropped by a significant amount with the apartment empty, yet somehow, because we have barely had any take out and I haven’t been shopping as a sport, our savings has grown. And that with an increase in grocery spending.

Note: These revelations are brought to you by; The Year of Less; by Cait Flanders, and time spent in my 30 yards from the house getaway spot: The Airy-Fairy Peace, Love and Granola Hippie Fort & Art Studio. I’ve seen some harsh reviews of Cait’s book and I seriously just don’t get it. My guess is that people bought it wanting/expecting a how-to spend less kind of book, but it is clearly a memoir. The author is super clear that the book is basically all the stuff she went through while on her spend less journey that she didn’t include in her blog. So, it isn’t some step-by-step how-to book, though she does include her shopping ban rules, revised rules and some tips to get people started on their own journeys. What I find in her book is inspiration. Her life is/was very different from mine. She was single, in her 20s, and had a drinking problem and a spending problem that were both dragging her down. She was starting and developing a career and just in a very different place from me. I am a grown woman, well into adulthood, I am married with 3 adult and near adult kids, a house, etc. We don’t have the kind of debt she did. Getting drunk and forgetting things isn’t a thing. (my memory issues are more age or stress than anything else) But this young woman’s memoirs have much of value for me. She figured out some really important things well before I did and I’m so happy she decided to share her story.

So, thanks Cait! I am definitely going to keep working at this.

Holiday Budgeting

I grew up pretty well off. My father had a good education and a government job. We owned our own house and my parents had 2 cars. My mom stayed at home and we had an above ground pool with a deck. I never went hungry because of a lack of food. My parents were able to do things like buy a little sailboat and afford lessons now and again for my sisters and I. I know we were not rich by any stretch. My parents extensive skills and frugality played a big part in our being able to live the way we did. My father did all the carpentry, plumbing, and wiring in our house. He fixed our cars, scraped and painted the siding, installed the pool, built the deck etc. My mother cooked our meals largely from scratch, sewed and repaired our clothes, knit our scarves and mittens, tended our vegetable garden etc.

When I grew up and left home I was side-swiped by life. I had no idea what I was doing and hadn’t been taught anything by my parents. I didn’t know how to cook, or use a washing machine, or a dishwasher, I didn’t know how to manage money. I worked for minimum wage as did my boyfriends and later my first husband. I went from having no worries to having nothing but. I spent over 15 years of my adult life living in various levels of poverty. I had 2 kids in my first marriage. I was married for about 6 years before I left with a 3 year old and 6 week old. We never rose above poverty and when I left I was on welfare and such for 2 years. By the time I was on my own I knew how to cook but I still didn’t know how to manage money well because my first husband refused to give me access to any. I had thought about it a lot though and I figured out how to keep things level on my tiny budget. The first year on my own was something of a shock.

I don’t know if I’ve said before but I spent my first marriage in what is sometimes called a “high control group” or what normal people call a cult. It’s a friendly neighborhood cult that I am sure you’ve run into. Maybe it works for some people, don’t know and don’t care, for me it became a kind of prison. The cult gave my first husband permission to be in charge of me and that was an ugly look on him. Eventually I found a way to leave but it was difficult and involved lying about money and a secret bank account. (for fleeing money) That’s it’s own story. I want to talk about the holidays and a lack of money.

I left my first marriage on November 1st 1996 and got into a subsidized apartment 21 days later. My welfare hadn’t come through yet, it was terrifying, but I had WIC and food stamps and my fleeing money which wasn’t much. So it was very near to Christmas and it was my kid’s first Christmas, both of them, as the cult forbids the celebration of any holidays. I was feeling so, so bad that I couldn’t do almost anything for my kids. The 3 year old was finally getting exposed to the celebration, the excitement etc, and I couldn’t even put up a tree. I didn’t have a single string of lights, or a holiday dishtowel or anything. No worries, we’d have xmas day at my mothers and her house looked like Santa decorated it himself. I spent $50 on each of my sweet babies, all I dared to. They each had 3 toys from their mom. It felt small and sad to me, I’d grown up in a fair blizzard of presents between my parents and grandparents. It was fine really, my mom and other family members and some friends all got things for the kids and the 3 year old was thrilled with everything.

So, after that first, kind of sudden holiday, I told myself next year would be very different. Our apartment would be decorated, we would have a tree and all that stuff. The kids could wake up xmas morning and come downstairs and see presents and have that morning in their PJs. I had a plan. My Christmas shopping for 1997 started in January. I knew what my income would be for the year, very low, so I knew what I could spend. My friends had given me ornaments for xmas 1996 so I had a few to get me started. I shopped the after xmas sales. Craft shops like Joann’s and Michael’s heavily discount holiday decorations and craft bits after the holidays pass. 50%, 75%, I’ve seen 90% on some things. I picked and I chose and price was very much an issue. I got holiday craft items I could use to make presents for friends and family too. In all I spent under $25 but I had decorations for my future tree, dishtowels, pot holders, a few wall decorations etc. The rest of the year I shopped in thrift and junk shops, tag sales etc. and I picked up toys, books and other gifts for my kids. By December I had plenty for them.

That’s how I did things for years. I kept my eyes open for great deals all year long and kept my finds hidden away. I also kept grandparents in the loop for things the kids needed that I couldn’t fit in the budget or didn’t have the luck to find in the right size on the secondhand market. My mom bought snow pants, boots, sleds, and brand new toys that hadn’t made it to secondhand stores yet. I was lucky to have friends and family who could afford some of the things I couldn’t but I recommend my general method to folks who are struggling with the expense of the holidays. My Decembers were no more expensive than any other month back then. I wasn’t taught how to manage money or run a household but I did have my parent’s examples to look back on and I figured it out. I’m not saying that anyone, anywhere can replicate what I did, but I think the strategy can HELP…. like for next year because the holidays are right on top of us now.

I’m at a point now where I can spend some money on the holidays. It was an uphill battle getting here and it took a long time. I still buy lots of used gifts for my kids, my husband, family and friends. I still make a lot of gifts too! I knit scarves, make mittens, lip balm, etc. I still shop the after holiday sales in case there is something I stumble across that would help me make great gifts for the next year. I’ve taught my (grown and nearly grown) kids to bargain shop and make presents when they can. My son makes paintings for gifts sometimes, one of my daughters usually paints miniature figures, bought cheap, for everyone. (We’re all gamers)

That’s the quick and dirty version of my advice or whatever. I have a lot to say about the whole idea of making holidays non-stressful and inexpensive and everyday survival budgeting. I know my idea don’t work for every situation, I know they aren’t magic, I just know they can help some people so I want to share.

Scammers

I’ve had to scam calls in 3 days. I used to never get any junk calls on my cellphone, none, now I get weird calls all the time, sales calls, some kind of robocalls in languages I don’t speak, and scams. Gods, I HATE the scams.

My sweet husband is and IT professional so I tend to know a scam when I hear it or read it in email. A really good one will earn a split second of doubt… “shit, what if this is REAL?” but before I complete the thought I’m already wearing my most cynical face and wishing for the scammers exactly what they deserve. Monday, while I was at work I got a robocall that said something along the lines of “this is the something office at visa-mastercard, we’ve been monitoring your credit activity for 6 months. CONGRATULATIONS! Due to your excellent payment record you qualify for ZERO percent interest! Simply….” *click* I hung up laughing that they thought they could get me with that and then I got angry because there are desperate people out there. There are people desperate enough to hear that and think that they have been paying on time even if they were minimum payments and FINALLY, someone noticed how hard they are trying and there IS a reward. They think they are finally getting a break, some light at the distant end of the tunnel and then they get utter screwed over by gutless thieves.

Today I got a call, another robocall, that informed me my social security number was involved in criminal activity and to avoid arrest I must immediately press one to speak with an administration investigative officer to straighten it out. The call literally threatened me with incarceration if I did not comply. Imagine some elderly person living alone, not keeping up with things too well, no one to rely on or bounce things off of getting this scary call. They would press one, they would, because they want to make sure they don’t get arrested. They are scared, someone must have stolen their identity and committed crimes and now they’re in trouble for it. They heard something about this, innocent people getting their lives ruined by this kind of thing. Oh no, oh no, oh no! So they’d press one and when the “investigator” on the other end says, “Of course I’ll help you, hopefully we can just straighten this out on the phone and you won’t have to go to COURT or be ARRESTED. To make sure it’s really you, I need some information, can you confirm your social security number, birthdate, etc?” And then they’re screwed.

There are a million scams out there casting wide nets to catch the unwary, beating the trees to gather ripe fruit, and mostly they snare the most vulnerable among us. They catch the desperate with promises of a prize or a break at last, they catch others by making them fear arrest, audit, or civil actions, some even fall prey to scams claiming a family member is in grave trouble and needs money immediately or, shockingly, that some wealthy someone needs their help for some mysterious reason to access their own funds. And some lonely people get catfished by someone pretending to be a friend who scams them out of money, gifts and giftcards. And those who already can’t afford to pay their bills lose money, have their credit destroyed etc, those who are fearful have lose money and have their fragile trust in further smashed, and some lose money and their faith in humanity, their faith in themselves. Lonely people hoping for love get nothing but broken hearts and betrayal.

I report these calls to the police, they tell me thanks for calling but they already knew about this latest scam, they posted on FB warning people about it, what else can they do? Scams are everywhere. The dispatcher told me they get those call there, in the barracks, wow. I wish for the scammers to get what they deserve, I wish for those scammed to learn from their mistakes and also to have their funds and reputations restored. Make sure your parents, friends, kids, neighbors know never to give out their information. Make sure you know the signs that something is likely a scam. Here are a few links: https://www.nextadvisor.com/7-signs-youre-being-scammed/ https://www.thebalance.com/warning-signs-of-money-scams-315824 https://www.consumerfinance.gov/ask-cfpb/what-are-some-classic-warning-signs-of-possible-fraud-and-scams-en-2094/

Be careful there are some awful people in the world.