Tag: covid19

Success @ Work!

YAY! I’ve been feeling pretty bad about work lately, for months if I’m honest, and last week it all started to turn around. I ran a successful program for eight participants, EIGHT! That is the biggest turnout since before Covid19 and I am just absolutely delighted. The presenter who was supposed to run it had to bail on me because she got Covid and has to quarantine and recover. I said “no worries, I got it, I hope you get well very soon.” and then quietly panicked for a bit. We made gnomes and gingerbread men and it went well. ^_^

That was all Friday last week. Saturday I put in my December book order, planned 3 continuing programs for January and beyond, created flyers for the programs and a calendar of events for January, and basically just set myself up for success in the new year as much as I could before taking my upcoming vacation. Well, vacation time, we’re not going anywhere, I’m just going to freaking relax. Anyway, at this point I am feeling pretty good about being able to take the time off and just chill and not worry too much about work.

My son and I are planning the menu for Yule/Christmas and getting ready for some pre-holiday baking. My grown kids and husband put up the tree last night and we’ll be decorating/lighting it soon. I’m planning on games, movies, and other little activities to make the season bright. Here’s hoping we all have a happy holiday season and good health and happiness in the coming year!

Songs…

I am approaching my breaking point. My overwhelming feeling is “I wish I could just stop crying…” but I’m not crying. I am maintaining pretty well on the outside. I am, for the most part, keeping up with feeding everyone, laundry, work, pet care… Fuck, I am even pushing ahead in some areas: getting more competent at my job, decluttering this place, eating better, getting slightly more exercise, I’ve even got a garden plan lurching into motion this week! I’m orchestrating weekly date nights. Fucking date nights! (no pun intended, see? I’m even keeping up my sense of humor!) I am exhausted from this past year plus. This song is just my anthem right now:https://youtu.be/r5yaoMjaAmE (Human, by Christina Perri) closely followed by: https://youtu.be/BF-nZziUCCY (You Don’t Know, by Katelyn Tarver)

I am plodding ahead encouraging, supporting, drying the tears, soothing the fears, reassuring my 3 anxious, autistic, grown children. “Just one step at a time, Sweetie, I’m here, just do one thing at a time, breathe, I’m here, I’m here.” “It’s okay my little love, it’s ok, just keep showing up, that’s the thing, that’s at least 75% of life, you’ll find your people, you DO know how to connect, you have deep connections, look at me, look at my eyes, we have a connection, me and you, that’s not a guarantee, that’s not automatic, even if I wasn’t your mom I would WANT to hang out with you because you are funny, you are kind, you are brilliant! Look at me, look at the cats, look at dad, look at our puppy dog who fucking worships you. Making friends is a skill you can learn. Depression is a LIAR.” “you’re doing great, we all start from where we are, it’s ok, you’re making progress, you’re doing great, I’m here, I’m right here beside you.” I’m getting more sleep lately but this song was my life for parts of this, even before the fucking pandemic: https://youtu.be/cjVQ36NhbMk (How to save a life, by The Fray)

I am grateful to Amanda Fucking Palmer forever for her song that tells the truth of motherhood. She sings about the early days/weeks/months but honestly, the central message holds fucking true. At the end of the day, if everyone is alive, that is a victory, a line in the sand, and we got up the next day and try even harder to be better. https://youtu.be/bDk7CNsQqUk (Mother’s Confession, by Amanda Palmer ~Note LONG song) She’s captured the exhaustion, the frustration and the fears of being in charge of fragile beings. And, while I’m talking about fear, here’s another one that captures all the fears I can barely name for fear of shattering: https://youtu.be/70ApTTyKpdg (Drowning in the sound, by AFP)

It probably seems like all this music is, I don’t know, fucking depressing? But on the rare occasions when I get to play it all and sing and cry, away from the eyes of those who need me to be a rock in this stormcrash life, it helps. I sing loads of other highly emotional songs that are less on the nose too, and I cry and it helps. But I am surrounded by people who need me to be strong, and they never really leave the house, you know? And, for the one who is My rock, I need to keep it together, need to keep pulling beside him so he knows he isn’t carrying it all alone. We have a lot on our plate here and it is what it is, I’m not going to drop in my traces. This is one of the songs that sums up how I feel about our relationship: https://youtu.be/0yW7w8F2TVA (Say you won’t let go; by James Arthur) This one too, adding in the rest we need, the break we’d like to have from responsibilities for a while: https://youtu.be/GemKqzILV4w (chasing cars, by Snow Patrol) How many weddings you think this one gets played at? https://youtu.be/450p7goxZqg (All of me, by John Legend) Anyway, I’ll happily jump on that bandwagon.

I’m ok. I will be ok. Writing all this here helps.

2021 two weeks in…

So, we’ve had a seditious attack on our capitol by a rampaging mob who murdered 2 police officers and smeared human shit on the walls, so, wow, we are off to a really awful start! I am happy to see anti-democracy, home grown terrorists arrested and charged, that’s good, tRump losing his twitter privileges is good, far too little too late for him to learn anything from it but it’s something.

In my own life I’ve been a bit ill and very stressed out but mostly ok. Our furnace is not doing well so that’s a problem but we’ll get it sorted. The headache I currently have can take a flying leap, so over it, but I’m alive. I’ve been reading, trying to cook and clean, crocheting a lot, thinking about reopening my Etsy shop, maybe, the pile of mittens grows, I may as well give it a shot. Probably.

So, Democracy hangs by a thread, climate change teeters on the verge of destroying us all, a pandemic rages out of control, and my head hurts. I’ll be napping under the bed if anyone needs me.

2020 winding down

hi there, my computer has decided that the function of shift keys is entirely optional so there will be no capital letters and some of the punctuation i want to use will be unavailable. yeah, so 2020 comes to an end taking my ability to capitalize with it. lol.

what i’ve been doing lately. since xmas i’ve been crocheting mittens/making super mittens. i’ve got two pairs crocheted and another almost half done. i still need to make liners and stitch them in. i’m sort of toying with the idea of turning on the lights at my etsy shop again. i’ve been gone a while. i’m also reading, of course, two excellent so far books; the angel of crows; by katherine addison, and the beast of the stapletons; by james lovegrove. i am loving them. i’ve also been watching and rewatching a ton of liziqi videos and a little series on youtube called that chapter.

tonight i worked for the last time in 2020 and heard the sad news that a patron’s father has just died of covid 19. awful. My brother in law has it now and so far he’s ok… oh look, it capitalized something! Oooo and exclamation points are back. Excellent. I refuse to retype this whole entry.

I’m thinking about my resolutions for the new year and trying to remain hopeful that 2021 will be a much better year than 2020. I don’t know about doing an end of the year recap, I kind of just want to move forward without looking back at this point. Maybe I will recap the good, try and glean something positive from 2020, and build upon whatever I can salvage from this garbage fire in 2021. I’ll post some pics and do a real entry sometime soon. Be well.

Busy and Grateful

I have to say one thing for the pandemic. Between my caution that severely limits the buildings and stores I will enter and the scalper’s prices a lot of craft items go for online, not to mention shipping charges and the potential for delay, I find myself giving very serious consideration for the supplies I already have. I’ve been making Super Mittens for my girls the past few days and I had to go to my yarn stash to do so. Limited amounts of various colors in the worsted weight category made me decide to use 2 colors per mitten/pair creating the body of each mitten in one color and the cuff in another. The lack of access to all my usual choices forces me to be creative and it is a great stash buster assisting me in using up stray balls of yarn and other supplies that have been hanging around. I’m also getting to projects I’ve been procrastinating on. I finally made the napkins for Harry Potter Xmas.

I also find myself appreciating what we already have more than I used to. I misplaced a pair of mittens in the grocery store on a rare in-person run for a few items, and I felt just awful about it. They are not the best pair of mittens or anything, I made them from a felted wool sweater and lined them with fleece cut from old PJ pants all acquired through thrift shops (over a year ago at least). They hit the magic sweet spot of being cheap, homemade, and recycled all at once. And they’re cute. I left a note with customer service and they called after a few hours. The mittens are safe at home again and I promise you, I will be much more careful with them in the future. Our dog also did some damage to the quilt I had on the bed and I thought the only replacement I had was languishing in the laundry room but I found a third bedspread I had completely forgotten about in the hall closet! And again it is cute. Why do I have so many bedspreads? Oh yeah, in the before time I used to thrift a lot and having pets means needing back ups of such things.

We are so, so lucky. We have so far gotten through this pandemic pretty ok. I mean, there’s definitely increased anxiety and stress, we feel uncertain about the future, worried about getting Covid 19, nervous about what may happen to our jobs, and the kids… All adults now, one in his senior year of HS, not able/willing to work because of scarce jobs & jobs they could get would be risky Covid-wise. Their lives are on hold. The girls are waiting for it to be safe to go job hunting again, for it to be safe to work again. We are a million times lucky that we’ve hung onto our house where there’s room for everyone and that we are still paying our bills, getting food on the table. So far we are still employed as long as that holds true we should be ok. My middlest child hasn’t had any min-painting commissions in a long while, not surprising, but she found a little place for herself online where she can use her creativity to make at least a small amount of money. I’m very proud of her for that and I hope that it boosts her self-esteem.

The bare fact that I can find any positives this year is amazing and speaks to how very fortunate we’ve been. I know people who are doing better than we are and some who are doing worse. It’s a mess out there and we are all hoping big for a much, much, much better year in 2021. I have never wished away a year so hard as this one. But, I have much to do before the new year and only scant few days to do it in. Be well. Stay safe.

6 Days till Xmas

I am off until the 28th and our leisurely countdown is on. I still have many small projects to get to, all of the presents to wrap, and a feast to prepare, but I am well past the halfway mark for getting stuff done. I did, like an idiot, add 2 high effort projects to my list the day before yesterday but I think I can manage.

I am loving the gorgeous snow. I want it to stay and maybe get a fresh topcoat for xmas. We shovelled out all the cars and were most grateful for how light and fluffy the snow was. Praise Thor! I can no longer shovel wet, slushy, heavy snow, I literally get sick. This snow is perfect and lovely. I need to remember to top off all the feeders today. They are getting low.

At work last night I gave out/left presents for all my coworkers. Just tins of home made cookies and a couple of cloth napkins each. Nothing major. I think last year I gave them just cloth napkins but sets of 4 or something. I love cloth napkins. They are a tiny, everyday way to love the planet. They last for years and are super easy to make and care for. I used to sell them in my Etsy shop. It I get into making them again maybe I’ll reopen after Covid19 dies down. I’m currently trying to avoid the post office and, well, leaving the house much at all.

In deference to the headache I am currently suffering that is all for now. Be safe! XXOO

Desperate Times

I was reading a thread the other day about the increase in shoplifting that’s going on and how the uptick is mainly food, baby formula, and diapers. So many people are hungry and desperate it’s absolutely heartbreaking. The ban on evictions ends January 1st and there is likely to be a tidal wave of homelessness just a week after Christmas. Most people commenting were sympathetic to those resorting to theft out of necessity but there were some who drew an unyielding line: Stealing Is Wrong and no one should ever resort to it. *sigh I don’t think I’ll ever understand that thinking. One commenter had seen a teen arrested for stealing a loaf of bread priced at under $1. They offered to pay for it but the store insisted the teen be arrested for such a heinous crime. Absolutely heartless.

Loads of stores of all types draw a hard line when it comes to theft. I mean, obviously, if people just take stuff all the time it a major freaking problem, I get it. But we’re living in desperate times. If you’re lucky enough to have held onto your job, managed not to catch, or have someone close to you catch Covid 19, if you are able to access food, water, shelter, etc…. so far, well that’s awesome. Seriously, those of us who are still employed, healthy, and managing to keep up with our bills, are so lucky. Maybe every time you’ve lost a job you’ve been able to scramble and find another one before starvation and homelessness occured. Maybe every time you’ve needed it the safety net has caught you or you’ve got enough family, friends, and/or strong community that has been there to help so that it never came to you becoming desperate enough to steal food. Not everyone is so lucky.

What if you didn’t have all of that luck? all those connections? What if when you lost your job, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get another one? What if that stayed true until unemployment ran out? What if the safety net of food-stamps/EBT card/WIC/Fuel assistance, etc wasn’t there when you needed it? What if so many in your community were unable to feed their families that you’d spent 7 hours in line to get food from the food pantry but before you got to head of the line the food ran out? What if your friends and family were all in the same boat as you and unable to help you? How many days could you watch your kids go hungry before you tried begging strangers to help? How many days without food would it take before you started to reason: “I’ll just take exactly what I need, just a little bit of food, and I’ll pay the store back as soon as I can.”

Access to food, water and shelter should not be dependant on having enough money to pay for it. The basics of life should be provided for those who fall on hard times by a safety net. Any decent safety net should include help with job searches, access to training/education, and so on. We want to live in a strong, healthy society, right? We want to build our communities up and prosper all together, don’t we? I don’t want anyone left out or left behind. I want everyone to be fed, clothed, sheltered, and have access to medical care and education. I want everyone to feel secure and safe. There is enough for all our needs to be met so why don’t we mould our society to provide for everyone? Right now, a tiny minority of people avariciously hoard most of the resources while many, many people go hungry, suffer homelessness, lack medical care and shelter, that is insane.

Where can people go to find help? To get food? There are still places people can contact to try to get help:

These are some that I found with a quick google search. I believe these are orgs that are active nationally or maybe regionally, and there are likely more local resources in any given area. Local churches, temples, and so on may provide access to food or clothing. Some schools and colleges have food pantries or “free closets” as well. Some restaurants or grocery stores, especially small, local places may off leftover food to folks in need. I work in a Public Library and in addition to offering free access to books, movies, and craft activities (in a bag during Covid) we also have appointments available so people can use computers/internet and printers. Your local librarian can help connect you to local resources. We often have flyers from local orgs or hear about resources in the community. Public Libraries may also offer free wifi inside the library or even out into the parking lot. Some libraries provide free wifi during business hours and some may provide wifi around the clock.

We all need to be kind to each other and help where we can. These are crazy times we’re living in and we all need help now and then.

I’m trying

It’s December 7th and it just doesn’t feel like it. I’m trying to get into a jolly holiday mood but it’s tough this year. There are over 280,000 people dead of Covid 19 in the U.S. so far and that is a whole lot of grieving families. There are 20,000 people with cases severe enough to be in the ICU right now and many more infected. In many places around the country our healthcare system is close to collapse and we still haven’t even gotten to the post Thanksgiving spike. Cases are on a massive upswing while at the same time my library is continuing to open back up. This scares the hell out of me. I love my job, and I need my job, but if I bring Covid 19 home to my husband it is likely to kill him. Every time I see my mother, from 10 feet away, outdoors, masked, and brief, she cries and says she can’t take it anymore. She 74 with a heart condition and this whole thing has worn her down. So fa la la la la and stuff.

Still, I’ve been trying. We went and picked out a tree and set it in the stand… like a week ago… and it still has no lights. I set up our advent calendar and we keep forgetting to open the drawers and read the little slips. I got the kids involved in a bit of holiday baking, that went pretty well, everyone loves cookies. I played Christmas CDs and tried to keep things light and happy for a while. This was the most successful I have been at getting into the holiday mood lately. I’ll keep at it.

Cookie making festivities… (to be continued soon, I like to bake.)

There are many cookies still to bake, there are some presents to be wrapped, we are all here together and as safe as we can be in these mad times. So well, bake, we’ll game, we’ll wrap up the presents, we’ll keep the wood stove going and we’ll get around to decorating the tree real soon. I can’t believe all the protections put in place to help people weather the pandemic will probably be allowed to expire soon. I just cannot fathom the heartlessness that would see a massive wave of evictions during this time of crisis and in winter. I can only hope the incoming administration will leap to the rescue of the American people and do everything they can to get help and relief to folks, and PPE and other critical support to our frontline healthcare workers. Too many people already struggle to get enough to eat, too many have already been evicted, too many are stuck in a whirlpool of tragic events, grief and despair. It’s all too much and I’m not personally facing these issues, yet.

Watching the cars outside my window…

So we’re ill again, somehow, despite a million precautions. Husband gets a Covid test later today and then we wait to hear back. UGH. The worry is hard to keep at bay but I’m doing my best. We’re okay, our symptoms are pretty mild and if Covid wasn’t a thing we wouldn’t be concerned about them at all.

We have so much on our plates it’s insane. I don’t know how we’re doing it sometimes. But we are so that’s good. I am tired and achey and I’m going to rest. Be well, Everyone. Be safe.

just forget the world…

I’ve done all I can and I need a break from stress and worry so I’m here to talk about things that are bringing me joy in some way, things that take me out of myself and distract me, all that sort of stuff. So, onto that! First things first: Books. They are my sanctuary, my education, my consolation, and my many, many other lives.

Current/Recent Reads:

  • The Ballad of Black Tom; by Victor LaValle (fantastic mythos-related story)
  • Adventures in Opting Out; by Cait Flanders
  • Disfigured; On Fairy Tales, Disability, and Making Space; by Amanda LeDuc
  • The Library of the Unwritten; by A.J. Hackwith
  • The Only Good Indians; by Stephen Graham Jones
  • Dirt to Soil; by Gabe Brown
  • A Deadly Education; by Naomi Novik (The latest Fantastic Stangelings Bookclub read)
  • Beowulf; by Maria Dahvana Headley
  • A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet; by Becky Chambers

There are other books, of course, but these are all the ones seriously in the flow at the moment. Other wonderful things I like to fill up my senses with: Shows!

  • Community. (Hulu & Netflix) My current comfort watch. Brilliant show with a ton of laughs and lots of heart.
  • The Haunting of Bly Manor. (Netflix) Pure gold so far. Atmospheric, subtle horror, perfect storytelling. I think I’m on episode #5 and I am having such fun. As always, my brain is whirring on ahead of the story making guesses and trying to expose the whole picture. I spotted a few things before they were revealed but, wow, there is so much here to unpack and it is glorious.
  • Liziqi. (YouTube) My ultimate escape from my own reality mixed with my ultimate life goals. Somehow relaxing and inspiring at the same time.
  • Good Omens. (Amazon Prime) We’re on our own side. Perfect.
  • Vienna Blood. (Dvd from the library) Very cool, entertaining, a bit like a Sherlock Holmes homage. Victorian Vienna. Hitting a bit close to reality with the superior race nonsense but a good crime procedural with interesting characters. Some absolutely stunning voices among the cast; loads of deep gravel in varying flavors. Particularly the lead detective and his rival. (I’m a sucker for a really good voice)
  • Shetland. (Dvds from library) Love, love, love this. I love the way this show is paced, the slow unraveling of the clues, the deep sense of Place. The landscape as another ever-present character. I have sadly finished all the available seasons of this and…
  • Vera. (Dvds) The same author wrote the books this series and the series Shetland are based on. Brilliant TV, just brilliant.
  • Videos of babies laughing hysterically, goofy pets, etc.

There are many more shows I could list that are excellent distractions but these are the ones I’m currently living inside. I’m also playing RPGs, of course. I am currently playing in; Hell’s Rebels (Pathfinder) on most Tuesdays, Azartia (a friend’s homebrew D&D) on Thursdays, and Age of Ashes, (Pathfinder) on Sundays. I am also running; Extinction Curse, (Pathfinder) on Saturdays and The Slithering, (Pathfinder) randomly, and my hubby is running the teens from the library through Age of Ashes as well. I’m playing 2 Human Druids and one Gnome Bard multi-classing into Druid and experiencing whiplash between characters. My bard is level… 12? 14? Something, and in Pathfinder which is designed for characters to be heroic. She is a blast to play, and absolutely good time. My Pathfinder Druid is low level, fun but kind of a letdown after playing the high level bard. The D&D Druid is… fine. She has a few pretty great spells that are fun/effective but… D&D 5e is just, well, it’s awful. Simple to play? Try; Over simplified, broken, frustrating. Cat, my druid, is level 9 with a 15 AC… The champion in our party has only a 20 AC. We get hit constantly, just absolutely constantly. The game is just not on a heroic scale at all. It’s dumbed down to the point of, why am I playing this? But yeah, it’s a distraction for a a few hours a week and time spent with friends. There are a lot of laughs as we play. Many laughs come from failed saving throws.

Other:

  • Knitting: one big project for a present, over half done now. ^_^
  • Work: 2-3 shifts a week, busy, on my feet, frustrating with Covid restrictions but, hey, I love it anyway and I’m lucky to have a job at all.
  • Baking/cooking: my daily chore and sometimes creative outlet.
  • Macrame’. I just got supplies to start doing this. I’ve been wanting to try it for ages, since like the 70s. Just getting around to it!
  • Holiday planning: well underway, constantly on my mind, so much to do!
  • De-cluttering. On the back burner but always on my mind. I want to get the excess out of here and have a semi-orderly, uncrowded, welcoming home.
  • Writing. Blogging here, jotting down ideas that keep coming to me, writing for work, which is fun and cool that I get to write for work at all. It’s mostly instructions for craft kits I make up or promotional writing for said craft kits, but still.

Sigh, and now the world is calling, I’m afraid, and I must answer. Stay well, be safe, see you soon.

Banner photo credit: “Contemplation – Dartmoor, Devon” by Faborsky Photography is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0