I’m trying

It’s December 7th and it just doesn’t feel like it. I’m trying to get into a jolly holiday mood but it’s tough this year. There are over 280,000 people dead of Covid 19 in the U.S. so far and that is a whole lot of grieving families. There are 20,000 people with cases severe enough to be in the ICU right now and many more infected. In many places around the country our healthcare system is close to collapse and we still haven’t even gotten to the post Thanksgiving spike. Cases are on a massive upswing while at the same time my library is continuing to open back up. This scares the hell out of me. I love my job, and I need my job, but if I bring Covid 19 home to my husband it is likely to kill him. Every time I see my mother, from 10 feet away, outdoors, masked, and brief, she cries and says she can’t take it anymore. She 74 with a heart condition and this whole thing has worn her down. So fa la la la la and stuff.

Still, I’ve been trying. We went and picked out a tree and set it in the stand… like a week ago… and it still has no lights. I set up our advent calendar and we keep forgetting to open the drawers and read the little slips. I got the kids involved in a bit of holiday baking, that went pretty well, everyone loves cookies. I played Christmas CDs and tried to keep things light and happy for a while. This was the most successful I have been at getting into the holiday mood lately. I’ll keep at it.

Cookie making festivities… (to be continued soon, I like to bake.)

There are many cookies still to bake, there are some presents to be wrapped, we are all here together and as safe as we can be in these mad times. So well, bake, we’ll game, we’ll wrap up the presents, we’ll keep the wood stove going and we’ll get around to decorating the tree real soon. I can’t believe all the protections put in place to help people weather the pandemic will probably be allowed to expire soon. I just cannot fathom the heartlessness that would see a massive wave of evictions during this time of crisis and in winter. I can only hope the incoming administration will leap to the rescue of the American people and do everything they can to get help and relief to folks, and PPE and other critical support to our frontline healthcare workers. Too many people already struggle to get enough to eat, too many have already been evicted, too many are stuck in a whirlpool of tragic events, grief and despair. It’s all too much and I’m not personally facing these issues, yet.

Watching the cars outside my window…

So we’re ill again, somehow, despite a million precautions. Husband gets a Covid test later today and then we wait to hear back. UGH. The worry is hard to keep at bay but I’m doing my best. We’re okay, our symptoms are pretty mild and if Covid wasn’t a thing we wouldn’t be concerned about them at all.

We have so much on our plates it’s insane. I don’t know how we’re doing it sometimes. But we are so that’s good. I am tired and achey and I’m going to rest. Be well, Everyone. Be safe.

Into December…

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was exhausting but wonderful. The kids slept half the day away while I cooked and my sweet husband acted as my assistant. The meal was pretty freaking awesome even if I do say so myself. I was back at work the two days following but we’re closed on Sundays so yesterday was spent relaxing and recovering for the most part. We went over to Silverymoon just before dinner to get our tree and a wreath for our front door. We did well, I think. The tree is full and lovely. Last year we made wreaths at a library workshop this year that is unthinkable. Thirty people in a room all breathing the air and exchanging germs? So much is so different this year. I was running in-person programming for the teens, serving them snacks and butterbeer, free raffling off Hogwarts house scarves. I miss those kids.

Today I will pay the bills, it’s that time again. I am 100% grateful that we can still pay our bills. Because supporters of the president have refused to approve payments to help working Americans stay afloat and have refused to cancel rent, prevent utility shut-offs, etc. it is possible millions of Americans will be facing eviction just as we are heading into winter, less than a month before the big winter holidays, probably in the middle of the next big covid spike we’ll have. All those who travelled and gathered for Thanksgiving are currently spreading Covid-19 far and wide. (well, not ALL, but you know what I mean) I am hopeful that the incoming administration will do their best to try and contain the virus, get relief to everyone who needs it, and start the hard work of rebuilding all that has been destroyed these past four years. I hope that the people who have fallen so deeply under the sway of such extreme ideology can be reached, deprogramed, or whatever. I know they don’t get that all the things Liberals or Progressives want to do will lift them up as well as everyone else. As we see the safety net repaired all will benefit. As we fund our schools, fix our roads, ease the burdens on our police departments and retrain officers in de-escalation and so on, all will benefit. Fixing the nightmare of crushing student debt, making college more accessible, fighting climate change, it will all help everyone. I hope the improvements in people’s lives will get through to them, soften their hard hearts and help them realize we are all one human family. I try not to get too political here but have you seen the lines for food banks? Unreal.

I looked at the weather for today and we are supposed to get snow any minute now, that will switch to rain after a bit, add in some fierce winds later and switch to thunderstorms late in the evening. Because, why not? Snow in the morning, thunderstorms at night. Weather is a kooky thing but it wasn’t quite this weird when I was a kid, this is just freaking ODD.

Reopening & Other Progress

My library will be opening by appointment starting next Tuesday. We have approval from all sorts of boards to allow one family/household at a time come in to browse, use computers etc for 30 minutes at a time. Our local numbers are very low and flat so everyone feels like this is a good move but as we are heading into a season when this virus is likely to surge again, I am nervous. We will be starting with only Tuesday hours and I don’t work Tuesday so, who knows, maybe we will be reevaluating this move before it even changes anything for me specifically.

I’ll be off next week until Friday so I can celebrate the holiday and other things. I welcome the time off to cook and clean for our feast. All the laptops are finally gone now so I can get moving ahead again! We also have 2 slightly raised bed gardens installed at this point and one in progress for what will be our berry patch. We have tentative plans for a live willow fence along the front yard as well. I am looking forward to finally, hopefully, growing a decent portion of our veggies and berries. Even our yard is becoming more organized.

Our new raised beds and future berry patch

Our Thanksgiving feast is pretty much planned and our Yule feast is mostly finalized. I have the main course narrowed down to 2 options and I’ll just order both and see which I get. I’m looking forward to our once a year, amazing turkey next Thursday, and our Yule/Xmas feast next month.

Yesterday I finished 2 projects for Xmas, one was a small, simple project I made 6 of and one was a longer term, lots of work project for a dear friend we are adopting into our clan. (Assuming she doesn’t run screaming into the hills when she realizes we’re all mad here.) I still have a bunch of projects I haven’t even started including a set of Hogwarts cloth napkins I want to make for our table. I’m not into matchy-matching everything except for special occasions. For our big feasts and celebrations I like to go all in and give us a real sense of occasion. I need to keep reminding myself that I am very much on track right now and that it is all under control. I am doing less this year and that’s why I have room for the long-delayed napkin sewing etc.

Got the first two napkins pinned and ready to sew. Only six more to go!

A Very Covid Thanksgiving

I haven’t been posting because I had an allergic reaction that lasted for days and then suffered a tick bite that required a doctor visit and antibiotics. Gods, I hate ticks so much. They are the worst.

This year Thanksgiving is going to be a little different. Usually this is a day to gather with family, and/or friends, to feast and celebrate but this year we would all be wise if we did any gathering via Zoom or Skype or some such. Our day will be spent, as all days since sometime in March, with only those who live in our household. That’s somewhat typical for us, we often have one or two loved ones from outside our home attend,but we’re not into huge gatherings. My mother is very into the big gatherings, the bigger the better. She used to host, and we would sometimes go (or go to my husband’s motherer’s) but the last few years she’s gone to her brother’s. Now, his state has just straight up said if folks go there they need to quarantine for 2 weeks. I predict she will go anyway and just blatantly skip the whole quarantine. That’s my guess.

I saw her the other day and she started crying and said she can’t take the pandemic anymore, she just really can’t. I sympathized and did not point out that she is exactly the reason why we are still in this shit. She travelled to neighboring states 3 times this summer to vacation. I saw the pictures of her on the beach with a group of people and jammed together for a photo not a mask in sight. I know she has gone to friend’s houses and had her friends over. She has had the woman who works for them in the house 5 days a week, she has continued to have a house cleaner in twice a week. Etc etc, etc. She also refused to wear a mask when she was out walking in her town. And now, 8 months since the start of the pandemic, we are still refusing to get together with her for a meal. Damn right we are! Christmas isn’t looking good either because the number of cases is climbing like I cannot even believe right now.

Christmas will be weird. My mother usually comes for that and even helps cook but this year I think it will just be my little family and some zoom calls. Our scaled back presents and Maximum Effort feast and holiday decor will have to carry the day. We’ll probably watch movies and play board games since getting a PS5 seems impossible at this point. Ooof. I know they were all hoping big for that console and some new games but profiteers bought up all the consoles and, last we checked, were selling them for FOUR TIMES the retail price. Jerks.

In Good News: I finally got a turkey! It took a month and this is the third time I ordered one and they were always out of stock by the time our pick-up appointment came around. Today we got one. The one I ordered was out of stock but the young woman who got our order substituted from some other brand. It’s about 14lbs so pretty perfect for us. Plenty for dinner and plenty for leftovers and there will be soup, oh yes.

Allergies or Plague?

I’ve been fighting a headache for a few days and woke up this morning with a runny nose, sneezing jags, a scratchy throat and my current usual amount of coughing. Ugh. I reported my symptoms like a good citizen and my Director said not to come in tomorrow. Ah well, better safe than sorry. It might be allergies or it might be a cold or flu or covid-19, who knows? Such a lovely time to be alive, isn’t it?

At least I got to run my game last night. That went well! At one point the halfling sorceress grabbed a chalice that was clearly meant to be left alone, waking the clay golem and causing a panicked and disorganized retreat through the dungeon. Not everyone had a light source and we were using the lighting on Roll20 so the poor half-orc barbarian, who had the lowest initiative, got left alone in a room with a homicidal golem in pitch darkness. Since all players have their own screens they can each have a unique, separate view of things so after the first PC ran out of the room the second one would have no idea which way they went, which hallway they took or if they had ducked into a room to hide or something. At one point the cleric took a wrong turn and strayed into a room they hadn’t been to yet and woke up another golem-like creature, this time made of stone. The whole thing was hilarious and the halfling kept wailing; “I’m Sorry!!!!!!” as she ran through the dungeon. A good night’s gaming!

3 Ring Circus

Though it often feels to me as if we lead boring lives in which very little happens the reality is a little different. Here is our year so far:

January: Happy New Year! First few days I see at least a dozen memes on FB about how right around every year “20” there is a terrible plague. heh, cute. Coincidentally, we start hearing that there’s something going on with a virus in China. Within a short time we’re still hearing everything is under control with the virus, but we’re seeing images of people in hazmat suits disinfecting the streets and the first city or province gets shut down. I begin stocking the house up a little more than usual; extra pasta, meat for the freezer, beans, rice, etc. (I always keep a good supply of food etc on hand in case of emergencies. I just increase our stores a little, fill in gaps.) Our tenant lets us know she is moving out and can’t pay February’s rent, we remind her she already paid when she moved in so, no worries. She tells us she is pregnant and moving in with her boyfriend.

February: I continue buying extra and stocking up, the news out of China isn’t good, the virus has spread to other countries, it is inevitable it will come here. I begin to get nervous about our son’s upcoming wisdom tooth extraction. It’s supposed to happen in March, he’s in pain, he needs it, but we’re starting to get a little nervous about going out in public, we’re wondering if we actually are going to have to isolate ourselves at home to stay safe. As the numbers everywhere start racking up, we wonder When do we pull the trigger? how do we decide it’s time to stay home? I get sick, it seems to be the flu, Tamiflu puts me right. We wonder how we will deal with the loss of rental income as we have no intention of looking for a new tenant as this virus continues to spread.

March: The boy has his wisdom teeth out, all goes well, yay. My husband gets ill, really ill, the doctor won’t see him. They prescribe over the phone, he takes breathing treatments 3 times a day, he takes pills. I worry. The doctors say they are assuming he is Covid-19 positive. My boss tells me not to come in. Our daughter works at a pharmacy and they aren’t taking precautions, she quits. Schools close. We are all home now. We don’t go out. We clean, we cook, we play video games and catch up on our reading. I worry about my husband, he’s exhausted. I begin working from home as best I can. My husband’s work won’t wait, they text and call, he begins working remotely through coughing fits. It’s unreal. He’s starting to feel better! His work hours keep expanding. We’re lucky, we both still have jobs, many don’t.

April: We mail our tax stuff in. We keep working. There’s hardly any traffic going by. I cook, a LOT, I start baking again. My husband is doing better, still coughing, but better. We start gaming more, lots of RPGs are started or picked back up where we’d left off. Isolation isn’t so bad. We meet online with friends to play Cards Against Humanity. We get groceries delivered! Huzzah! We’re using the empty apartment as a work space/art space/extra video game space. I turn the shed into an art studio/space to get away from the kids with my hubby.

May: Everything is still weird. We’re working from home, gaming online, getting groceries delivered, etc. This is the month we start to hear that people at only a small remove from us have gotten Covid-19, friends of friends… it’s scary. My husband’s aunt gets it, some of our friends get it. We stay home. We try not be paranoid about it, but we are not going to get this damn thing. The list of symptoms keeps growing, the ages and health condition of people getting this and suffering horribly from it keeps expanding.

June: We celebrate our son’s 18th birthday at home with cake and few presents we’ve gotten him online. It’s low key. We play an RPG, eat pizza and drink root beer. We finally begin to feel the sting of not seeing our friends and family in person. We keep working remotely. Our lives have something of a rhythm now, the kids are learning remotely. Our daughter gets her associate’s degree, our son passes all his 11th grade classes. My boss starts talking about the library reopening. Eventually I hear we will be back in the building in July. I am not happy about this, I don’t feel ready, I worry we will reopen to the public too fast.

July: I go back to work. It’s surreal working in an empty library. We do curbside pick up and delivery now. I devise and assemble take home crafts. Our budget is slashed way down but we all still have our jobs. I buy a few books for the collection. We struggle to keep up with cleaning all the books and other materials after their 3 day quarantine in the Community Room. Everything is confusing and different. Everyone is overwhelmed. We start feeling pressure from some people to loosen up our restrictions, to visit, to have lunch outside and “socially distanced.” My husband gets pressure from his job: What would make him feel safe so he can return to campus? Nothing, he tells them, honestly nothing. It’s an international boarding school and we’ve been hearing how many more enquiries they are getting from Texas, California, and Florida… You don’t say? How shocking that the uber-wealthy living in states where the virus is completely out of control want to send their kids to the relative safety of our neck of the woods! We promise we are 100% shocked by this. My uncle is diagnosed with cancer…

August: My husband continues to work from home, he digs in his heels, he is high risk. We get a note from his Dr. stating he is high risk for this virus and must be allowed to work remotely. The school continues to pressure him, suggests more isolated offices but when he starts to say that one in particular might actually work they say; ‘oh, you can’t have that one. A person that won’t even be teaching needs to use that room to write their book… ” because the huge free house they have all to themselves … doesn’t have room? As happens from time to time, my husband is contacted by a headhunter. Would he like to work in the field he just got a degree for? My husband starts seriously contemplating leaving this job. My uncle is rushed to the hospital and dies 2 days later on his daughter’s birthday. My husband is interviewed for a very cool job. He gets a second interview. We contemplate what life would be like if he actually liked/loved his job. We get the apartment ready so a friend can move in. We talk about having less money with the new job. We talk about how much notice he ought to give if he is offered this new job. I see a glimpse of a less stressed-out version of my husband.

September: Today, the first of the month, my husband’s assistant quits. He does not want to go onto campus either. He will work the next 2 weeks if he can do so remotely. Unfortunately, he was supposed to be the boots on the ground so that doesn’t help at all. How does one hire someone during a pandemic? How does one train someone remotely? We’re not sure. We are about to find out. We hope very much to receive an offer from the company my husband has been interviewed by because what is going to happen to the school is going to be an absolute shit-show. OMG. FUBAR. Our friend/new tenant is moving in today! The apartment is clean and shiny, the weather is good, I can’t wait. I know we can’t hang out like we want to but she’ll be here and we can sit outside and talk maybe? ^_^ Our son starts his senior year next week. My library may open at the end of the month and I have mixed feelings about that. I’m still worried about the virus numbers spiking a few weeks after school resumes.

And that’s pretty much our year so far. (Banner credit: “circus” by fsse8info is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0)

Another Day in the Apocalypse

Today has been a real mixed bag.

I went to the library and was only mildly anxious, just a little lightheaded getting out of my car, walking to the doors, and using my key to get in. It felt slightly surreal, I definitely found myself with my head on a swivel watching for anyone who might suddenly round a corner and be too close. That felt a bit like a zombie movie to some small corner of my brain, made me feel more anxious, but I got inside, found my boss, and had my performance review. It was, overall, pretty excellent, so that helps. I have things to work on but that will be true until I’m in my coffin pounding on the lid in frustration at all I did not get to finish. Unless I become a vampire, then I’ll just nap and get up and get back to it. Oh yes, I have a plan ready for if I become a vampire, just like I have a plan in case of zombie apocalypse. You gotta be ready.

So, the procedures in place at work look good, reassuring, lots of masks, lots of cleaning, lots of precautions in place. Lots of distance, and no rush to let patrons back into the building. The town is determined to go slowly and safely and if we can’t be open to the public safely we won’t be open. My incredible boss also said that if I need to take a sick day I can take a sick day. Everything as usual, just inform her with as much notice as possible and no need to tell her what I am sick with. She said too stressed to come in counts. Gods, she makes me want to be my best lbrarian-self. Permission to rest makes me want to try harder.

Good news/Bad news: On top of my locker I found a bunch of paystubs. I arranged for direct deposit before the shutdown so it’s just a bunch of papers for my records… or so I thought. It seems my direct deposit didn’t go through, they are all actual checks! So, neato, we have more money than we thought we did because we can deposit all these, but bummer because totalling them up has revealed to me how little I actually bring home every quarter. Yeah, I am not contributing as much as it felt like I was, not monetarily anyway. *sigh*

I went to hang out in my art studio/hippie fort and finally made the call that I am wildly uncomfortable with the height of the huge inflatable mattress in the loft so now I have to return it. It’s so high it’s made the loft claustrophobic for me and the cord doesn’t reach the outlet once it’s inflated. Highly inconvenient and makes me not want to hang about out there and write/paint/etc. Very sad. Now we can’t sleep out there until we can get a replacement…. again. I’m finding less mice in the traps, yay, but the one’s I’m finding have been partially eaten by ants and other mice: Disgusting. So so icky. Also, I didn’t know there were ants out there so bummer on that. On a happier note I brought some audiobooks and more music out there so when it feels more hospitable again I am going to be loving it out there. ^_^ Another plus is that a replacement inflatable mattress will be cheaper than the crazy-sized one we have now. YAY! I love spending less on what I actually want!

It’s cooler now, I should make dinner.